Expunged on Monday: *glues a dime to the sidewalk* Heh heh heh.
Expunged on Wednesday: *walking down the street* Ooh hey! A dime!
--------------------------
Y/n: Can I have some water?
Bandu: *starts chugging their water bottle*
Bandu: *chokes from drinking too fast*
Bandu: *spills water all over themself*
Bandu, coughing: I don't have any water.
--------------------
Dave: *cooking*
Bambi: *kicks down door*
Bambi: *grabs knife from Dave's hand*
Bambi: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR?
Dave:
Dave: What.
Y/n: They're trying to tell you they want to cook.
---------------------------
Y/n: Remain CALM! *slaps Bambi multiple times*
------------------------
Miko, talking to Bandu: Well Bandu, whenever I’m about to do something, I think ‘would Y/n do that?’ and if they would, I do not do that thing.
Bandu: …
Y/n, from the distance: They’re not wrong though!
----------------------
Y/n: Would you take a bullet for me?
Bandu: ...yes?
*Miko angrily burst into the room*
Y/n: *running away* Great, thanks!
--------------------
Expunged: You were wise to seek help from the world's most deadly weapon.
Expunged: It's me.
--------------------
Miko: Do you have a self-care routine?
Y/n: "Keep going bitch" said to myself in different accents.
---------------------
Dave: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems.
Y/n: Weight loss? Drink water.
Bandu: Clear skin? Drink water.
Miko: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.
--------------------
Miko: Uh, I think I got your lunch. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘I am very proud of you. Love, Y/n’*
Expunged: Oh yeah. I didn’t think this was for me. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘Be good. For the love of God, Please be good.’*
---------------------
Y/n: *raises eyebrows*
Bandu: Put those back down!
-------------------
Bandu: Hey, can I get a sip of that water?
Miko: It’s not water.
Bandu: Vodka! I like your sty-
Miko: It’s vinegar.
Bandu: …What?
Miko: It's vinegar, PUSSY.
-------------------
Dave, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I killed a guy, and I liked it-
Bandu, whispering: Should we call the exorcist?
Y/n, also singing:The taste of his cherry chapstick.
Miko, appalled: Call the exorcist.
------------------------
Dave: Bambi is late again.
Bandu: How did this happen? I called them at 8 o’clock this morning and pretended it was 11.
Y/n: I printed up a fake schedule for them saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon.
Miko: I set their clock to say PM when it’s really AM.
Dave: Oh boy. We may have overdone it.
*Bambi bursts through the door*
Bambi: WHAT TIME IS IT?
------------------------
Miko: Hey Expunged, can you give me the opposite of these words?
Miko: Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.
Expunged: Never, Going, To, Give, You-
Expunged: The fucking satisfaction.
-----------------
Y/n: That’s the longest worm I’ve ever seen.
Bambi: That’s a snake.
------------------
Bambi, tearing up the room: Where are they?
Bambi, looking under a pillow: Who moved them? Who moved my children?
Bambi: Somebody moved my Corn, and now I am going to start killing.
--------------------
Dave: I hope they've calmed down...
Expunged: Shut the fuck up you annoying ass pig.
-------------------
Dave: What if mayonnaise came in cans?
Miko: Well, that would such because you can't microwave metal.
Y/n: Good morning to everyone except these two people.
--------------
Y/n: Bambi's first detention, I'm so proud.
Bandu: Whoa, back up. Why did they get detention?
Miko: Because they're an idiot.
Dave, terrified: They can do that??
-------------------
Bandu: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-
Bambi: A doll.
Miko: A cinnamon roll.
Y/n: A sweetheart.
Bandu:
Bandu: ...stop it.
------------------------
Dave, holding up their class notes: And then this doodle of a burrito because when I first read Aristotle, I thought it was pronounced like “Chipotle”.
Dave, in shock: Wait a minute, is it “Chip-o-tottle”?
----------------------
Bambi: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.
Y/n: Spear.
Bambi: BLOCKED.
--------------------
Y/n: *sees someone doing something stupid*
Y/n: What an idiot.
Y/n: *realizes it's bandu*
Y/n: Wait, that's MY idiot!
--------------------
Miko: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them??
Y/n: What the hell do you do?
Miko: I die? What kinda question...
-------------------
Miko: *watching their house burn down*
Miko:
Miko: *starts filming* Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything.
------------------------
Bandu: I have a new hoodie.
Y/n: Wrong.
Y/n: We have a new hoodie.
----------------------
Y/n, Entering Bandu's room: Miko did it again.
Bandu: Peace disturbance?
Y/n: What no-
Bandu: Arson..?
Y/n: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY-
Bandu: uh....Attempted murder?
Y/n: NO, THEY ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE, BUT WHAT THE FU-
------------------------
Y/n: Help! I’m drowning!
Expunged: Calm down. We’re only in six feet of water!
Y/n: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!
-------------
A/n:thats all for noow :3
YOU ARE READING
D&B Alphabtes And Oneshots (Discontinued)
RandomI made this book becuz why not. Most of these oneshots are Yanderes lmao this book is discontinued now. lost interest but it was nice being in this fandom after a while
