They Call Me Dog-face. [MCU]

Chapter 1

I paused in front of the local grocery store, remembering how my grandmother had been talking about wanting to make brownies earlier. Per usual, I lost myself a bit in thought and stared blankly at the store front for a couple seconds. To passerby, I probably came off as intimidating. A tall, slightly musclar, fluffy brown haired woman staring blankly at the sign of the grocery store.
I finally shook myself back to the present and stepped inside the store, only taking a moment to look around before making a beeline for the right isle. I was lucky, the last box of brownie mix stood solemnly on the half bare shelf. I picked it up just as another woman came barreling down the isle towards me, screeching.
I didn't pay attention to her a first because I didn't even realize it was me she was yapping at.
"-last box, I saw it first, I need it to make brownies for my children!"
I finally looked down at her. "Huh?"
My response sent her onto anther rant, but I was distracted by the fact that she looked exactly like a stereotypical Karen, which was hilarious because here she was acting like one. I waited for her to finish, letting my mind wander. I casually looked around the store again, noticing the little fairy lights strung along the ceiling. When I was focused again, she had finally ended her rant.

I looked down at her. She was short, but maybe it seemed that way because I was tall. Her face was twisted with anger, I figured she might be fairly pretty if not for her attitude. Why was she angry again? Oh, right, I had picked up the last box of brownie mix as she came down the isle.
"Miss, please back up, you're far too cl-" I stopped short. It felt like the world around me was... Warping? I blinked, and suddenly I was standing alone in an alleyway, the box still in my hands.

Oh shit. Where the hell am I?

A boom suddenly shook the earth, and I instinctively dropped to a crouch, just as something went flying past me. No, wait, not something. Someone. "What the hell?!"

I scrambled backwards up against a wall as another person chased after the first, swinging themselves on... A... Web?

Did I stumble onto a movie set? Wait no... Because I was just in a store and... There's no way that person is in a movie and is slinging actual webs. Oh gods, I'm so confused.

I decided I couldn't stay in the alleyway all day, so I forced myself up and made my way to the street. It was empty, except for the two people from before, who were currently fighting. I didn't let myself take the time to figure out who they were and instead took off down the street in the opposite direction. Go go go, before either of them notice you!-

Boy today was not my day. Not only did I have some weird trippy warp thing happen to me, but one of the fighters had taken notice of me and now I found myself on the ground in a headlock. My attacker flipped over so he- at least I think it was a he- had me in between him and Spiderman. Oh shit. Spiderman? I coughed. The attacker was strong, and it was now obvious that this was the villain.

"Come any closer and he's dead!" The villain yelled as Spiderman landed in front of us. I couldn't help but laugh. Bro thinks im male. (Now I normally would care less, I don't mind being whatever gender you see me as, but right now I lacked oxygen and was confused as hell, so...)

"Im actuall-" I started, but was silenced by a gloved hand slapping over my mouth. Rude.
The two started exchanging words as I focused on breathing properly and taking in my surroundings. The street was still empty. The villain underneath me still kept a strong grip on me, there was no way I was going to break free with just my raw strength. This is fucking annoying. I have no clue where I am, and im stuck in a choke hold by... Who even is this? I tried to see if I could find any defining features from my angle, but to no avail. Then an idea popped into my head. It was stupid. Incredibly stupid. But then again, so was I.

I waited a minute, letting myself breath, then struggled as hard as I could. The villain was surprised by my sudden movement, but still held fast. "Stay still!"
I bucked, then shot my arm up to where I thought his head might be. My hand smacked into a hard mask. As expected. I latched onto it, alligator death rolled, and just as he was getting me under control again, I ripped the mask off his head and brought it down for me to see.
"Seriously?" I exclaimed. "Im gettin' held captive by the villain with one of the most boring names in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Green Goblin. Of all villains. It couldn't have been someome cooler like, I dunno, evil Tony Stark or sumpthin'?"

This distracted them both, but Spiderman was quick to take action. Green Goblin found himself stuck to the street, watching saltily as I brushed myself off. I waited, expecting some kind of movie crew to come out, yelling directions, resetting the scene, coming to sue my ass for getting in the way or something, but nothing happened. Spiderman touched his head, requesting an Avenger to come pick up the now trapped Goblin, and I realized it was a comm link. When he was done, he turned to me. "Sorry about that, I thought this part of town was abandoned, are you okay?"
I nodded, eyeing the area, still waiting for a crew to appear.
"Are you... Sure?"
I looked at him and whispered, "Bro, I'm not an actor, I dunno how the hell I got here, but I ain't supposed to be... It uh, looks like the movie people want it to keep running but uhh, this aint my kinda thing so I'll just walk away, alright?"

Spiderboy gave me a weird look. "M... Movie? What?"
I suddenly felt embarrassed. "Wh- dude I don't belong here, don't make me look stupid, just show me where I can find the exit and I'll be on my way."
"This isn't... A movie... Did you hit your head? Do you need to go to a hospital?"
"What? No! Look I'm so damn confused," I sighed, exasperated. I threw my hands up. "One moment I'm getting yelled at by a Karen for taking brownie mix in a store, next moment I'm standing in the middle of an alleyway minutes before I get locked in a choke hold by this doofus!" I gestured wildly to Goblin.
"You got teleported here? Wait wait, okay I might have to take you to Doctor Strange-"
My eyes widened. "AM I IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE?" I yelped. "OH MY GOD- WAIT- So you're REAL? An actual Spiderman? Superhero?!" My hands clutched my head as I went silent, thinking, eyes wide. I was about to ask something else, but was interrupted by an airship shooting by overhead and circling back to land a couple meters away. Out walked none other than the Hulk himself. I felt my jaw drop.
"L-look why don't you come with us, we may be able to help you," I heard Spiderboy say, placing a hand against my back to guide me towards the ship. "Thats the Hulk, by the way, and you obviously know that Im-"
"Peter Parker."
He stared at me. "You know my- nevermind, hop on. Oh right, um, what'd you say your name was?"

"Coran."