wed.

Thomas and his control issues

... 

It'd been four days after John and Alex's lunch date happened. It was two am when Alex was awoken by the doorbell. He stumbled downstairs and opened the door. "You need to stop doing this. You could call." 

"I do call; you never answer."

"It's two am. I was sleeping!" Alex gasped. He glared at John, who had a bright red hand print on his cheek. He grabbed John's chin, tilting John's face up. "Who's hitting you, Laurens?"

John pulled back, holding his cheek, completely embarrassed. "Can I sleep here?" He stared at the ground when he asked. 

Alex was quiet for a long time before opening the door wider and stepping to the side. "Fine." John walked inside and Alex closed the door. Alex walked to the kitchen and opened the freezer, pulling out a frozen bag of peas. He handed it to John. "Put that on your face." 

John lifted the bag to his face and sat down on one of the stools at the counter. "Thank you," he whispered. His eyes wandered. "Your kitchen smells like bleach," he said softly. 

"Yeah," Alex answered. His mind was fuzzy and he was exhausted, but he tried not to seem annoyed. "I like the smell of bleach." John nodded. "I haven't slept in a couple of days so I'm pretty tired. Can we talk in the morning?" John nodded once more and Alex led him upstairs.

... 

John rubbed his eyes and turned on his back. The room was dim, but John couldn't pin point what time it was. He felt numb, and hadn't slept much, having tossed and turned all night. He blamed the comfort of the bed, but knew it was something more.

His turned on his side, grabbing the lighter beside him. He flicked it open and held the flame to the wedding ring, allowing to become heated and then pressed it into his wrist. He sighed heavily and turned on his other side. He clicked the lighter closed and stared at the wall.

The sound of voices drifted up the stairs and the smell of bacon wafted under the bedroom door. It made John feel slightly queasy, but he was glad for a reason to get up. He stumbled downstairs and into the kitchen area where Alex was with Peggy and Thomas.

"Hey! Lover boy," Thomas greeted.

John waved gently and sat down on one of the stools at the counter, pressing his face to the cold marble. His mind raced, thinking about the most recent reactions to Alex getting married to John. 

Thomas snapped him out of his thoughts. "So, have you picked out the venue or anything like that?"

"Venue?" John mumbled. He sat up and shook his head. "For what?"

"The wedding," Thomas deadpanned.

"Oh!" John looked at Alex. "Have we picked a venue yet? When is the wedding? That's a fun word. Venue."

"We're not that far into planning yet," Alex said. He sighed heavily. "It's a lot of work and not necessarily something I wanna do. Can we skip the wedding and just...be married? Is that a possibility?"

"Absolutely not!" Thomas smacked him. "You're a public figure, Alex. We have to drag this out as long as possible and make it huge."

"Why?"

"Because we can, because I want to, and because people expect you to. The great Alexander Hamilton never does anything simple." Thomas turned his phone to Alex. "Look at what this motherfucker just texted me."

Alex looked at Thomas's phone. He slowly raised his eyes. "When did we start calling me 'the great Alexander Hamilton'?"

Thomas pulled away and shrugged. "You should let me plan everything. Don't worry about a thing. I'll do the menu, the venue, the seating, the invites. Baby, trust me, a wedding of a lifetime. Much better than that pathetic ceremony for you and Eliza that that asshole planned. Who was it? That one motherfucker. Anyway, flowers, expensive wine, fireworks. Oh, and ice cream, because...well, it's ice cream and who doesn't love ice cream? There's no one better to plan the great Alexander Hamilton's wedding than--"

"Can I wear a dress?" John blurted.

Thomas paused. His lips parted as he tried to process John interrupting him. "Uh, sure," he nodded. "I don't fucking care." He ruffled Alex's hair and then kissed Peggy's cheek. "I gotta go, but I'll see you later, yeah?"

"I work with you, so..." Alex teased.

"Make good choices!" Peggy called.

John watched the exchange between Peggy, Alex, and Thomas quietly. They were close, John noticed that. He wasn't blind. He longed for that kind of interaction with people. Alex was so touchy-feely with Thomas and everyone. John wanted Alex to be touchy-feely with him. John wanted Alex to pepper kisses all over his face. John wanted Alex to look at him the way Alex looked at Thomas. But...better.

Alex looked at John expectantly.

"What?" John asked.

"I have to leave for work. Peggy just left. Do you need a ride somewhere? Do you work or something? What do you do during the day?" 

John was quiet. His eyes wandered and he knew he needed to take his meds. "Can I come back later?"

"Later? Like, when? I'm swamped with work--"

"I won't bother you," John said.

Alex sighed. He ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, sure, whatever. I'll be late, though. So I'll text you--or call, whatever." He checked his watch. "I have to meet someone before a meeting, so I have to leave. Meaning you have to leave. I'll call you."

...

After stressing over work for too many hours to count, Alex's car pulled into the driveway. He sighed and got out, his bag weighing down his shoulder. He got to the front door, fumbling with his keys. He jumped. "Jesus Christ," he gasped, hand on his chest. "You scared the shit out of me."

John forced a smile. He'd been sitting on Alex's doorstep for probably three or four hours now. "Hi."

"I said I'd call. You can't just show up whenever you want. I have a life. I'm a busy person." Alex unlocked the door. He walked inside, dropped his keys on the side table by the door, and walked into the kitchen. 

John stood awkwardly in the entrance way.

"Sit down." Alex sighed. John did. Alex was quiet for a long time, thinking about what to say. Finally he sighed again. "I'm going to bed."

John walked upstairs, following Alex. His eyes wandered like they always did. Alex had pictures of art lining the walls up the stairs. The walls were cream coloured, which was somehow comforting. The railing to the steps was smooth and cold to touch. John mumbled a quiet good and then walked to the bedroom that he'd spent the night in the night before. He laid back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. His eyes closed as he drifted in and out of consciousness.

He awoke to screaming. He sat up and frantically glanced around the room before realising it was him who was screaming. He quieted down a bit, scratching at his neck and face, and breathing heavily. The lights flicked on in the hall and the door slammed open. Alex stood there, slightly disheveled. John panted, eyes wide and bloodshot, head fuzzy and spinning.

"I'm sorry," John whispered.

Alex sighed, leaning against the door frame. "I thought you were dying or some shit. Goddamn, Laurens." He ran a hand through his hair. "Go to sleep, Laurens."

John scratched at himself, and pulled at his hair. He reached over and dug a pill bottle out of his bag. He shook two into his hand and threw his head back, dry swallowing the both of them. He reached out to Alex wordlessly.

"What?" Alex asked, stepping further into the room. "What?"

John grabbed Alex's hands, putting them around his neck. The cold feeling relaxed his irritated skin. "Do I get a honeymoon, too? When we get married?"

"Yeah, of course," Alex mumbled. He pressed the back of his hands to John's neck and then pulled away. "Okay. Go back to sleep." He brushed John's hair back, and walked out of the room.

John laid back on the bed. His brain fabricated shapes and forms that danced on the ceiling and he fiddled with his lighter until his eyes slid closed and he drifted off.