wed.

John: *questioning his existence*

...

John's head was fuzzy. It was a late morning and he felt restless and uneasy. He'd woken up screaming hours ago and Alex yelled at him to shut up.

John pulled himself out of the bed and groaned. He flicked open his lighter and watched the flame. He finally flicked it closed and stood up. He grabbed his Walkman and clicked in a Monty Python tape. Sighing, he decided to get dressed. It was almost noon. If he hurried, he could show up at Alex's office and suggest lunch.

So, that's exactly what he did.

He turned down his Walkman as he walked up to the front desk. "Is Alex busy?"

Maria jumped and glared. "You need to stop doing that. It's seriously terrifying. A hello would be nice."

"Um, hello. Is Alex busy?"

"Why?"

"I was wondering if we could grab lunch," John said. He pulled down his headphones, and shifted under Maria's gaze nervously.

"Well, unfortunately, Alex is in an important meeting. I, nor anyone else, is supposed to bother him. Don't you dare walk back there or I will call security and have them pepper spray you. Oh, and look at that, it's my lunch break." Maria stood up and grabbed her purse. "Are you coming or what?"

"I mean, I should wait for Alexander, but I guess." John pulled his headphones back up and caught up to Maria, who was already in the elevator.

They walked two blocks to a nice diner and found a table by the window and sat down. Maria immediately ordered a coke and John nervously asked for a water.

"So," Maria said, setting her purse beside her, "How are you Alex and being married?"

"Fine." John shrugged.

"You're not recording me, are you?"

"No."

"Good. That shit is creepy. Have you two fucked yet?" Maria asked. She nodded at the waiter, who brought her coke and John's water. "I mean, you're married now, so have you guys fucked? You and Alex?"

John breathed out a laugh, and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Have you two slept together? Fucked? Had sex? Fooled around? Whatever fucking term you wanna use. Have you two done it yet?"

"Oh, uh, oh, no. No." John looked down and ran his finger tips over the tablecloth. He swiftly pulled away and wiped his hands on his pants. "Alexander and I have been out of sync, you could say."  

"So you're a virgin," Maria said.

John cleared his throat and shifted, clearly uncomfortable. He didn't like talking about sex. He didn't really like having sex. The only sexual experience he had he didn't really enjoy. Actually, he hated it. It was one night where Francis got drunk and John was a little tipsy. When John was tipsy, he was able to let go a little bit. Dance; he wasn't afraid of dancing. And he was a lot open minded to things. So when Francis kissed him and then put his hands down John's pants, John didn't pull away.

He hated it though. Just the way Francis touched him and kissed him. The way Francis's finger nails dragged across John's skin, and the smell of the Axe body spray Francis had on. John hated how it rubbed off on him and the scent, along with the smell of sex, followed him in the morning before he showered and scrubbed his body twice to get it off. 

"I didn't say that," John said, shaking his head.

"Okay." Maria rolled her eyes. "But the way you said you and Alex were out of sync, it's like you're uncomfortable having sex with him because you're a virgin. It's fine, if you are. I don't care. I was just asking if you and Alex fucked yet. You gave yourself away."

John paused and shifted again. Even without any eye contact, he was still uncomfy. "I'm not a virgin. Alexander and I are out of sync."

"Out of sync? What does that mean then?"

"To be fair," John mumbled, "Alex and I were never in sync."

"Because he hated you in high school, right?" Maria asked.

John blinked. He looked down, quiet for a second before looking up. "Um, yes."

"And that's why you two won't fuck? Because you two were petty in high school? You're married now, so you have to be a little in sync now, right?"

"W-well, actually, it wasn't just high school. But, I--" John bit his lip and shifted once again, squirming a bit in his chair. "Can we not talk about... this?"

"What? Sex? You can say it, it's not a bad word." Maria scoffed, staring at John.

John squirmed, uncomfortable with the whole situation. He didn't like this anymore. And Maria looking at him wasn't helping put him at ease. "C-can you stop looking at me?" He suddenly snapped. He cleared his throat and stood up. "I should, um, go."

"Alright. I'll see you around then."

"Yeah," John mumbled, and pulled up his headphones. He stopped, pulled them down, and turned back to Maria, but kept his eyes on the ground. "Should we...be, um, having...sex?" He swallowed.

"Sex isn't required in a healthy relationship." Maria shook her head, but then laughed. "But considering it's Alex, you two should be having sex. That help, babe? Anytime you need sex advice, I'm here for you." She tossed a wink.

John walked out of the diner and marched down the sidewalk. Unlike usual, and despite the music baring through his headphones, there was no skip to his step. He walked swiftly, and kept his head down. Through the music, he could still hear his thoughts, which were about Alex. They were usually about Alex. John liked thinking about Alex, sometimes. When the voices weren't talking to him about Alex. He didn't like when they said mean things about Alex. Despite everything, Alex was good to him. Letting John live in his house, marrying John, dealing with John.

John walked to the back of Alex's house and opened the gate. He found the sliding door unlocked and walked into the house. He set his bag on the counter in the kitchen, along with his Walkman and headphones. He grabbed a bag of chips from the cabinet and then walked upstairs. He hummed as he headed to Alex's home library.

He walked past the living room, and then backed up, hearing the TV. He paused in the entrance way and got a weird feeling. He stepped in and walked over to the TV.

"Hey--"

John yelped and whipped around.

"I thought I heard the front door. Didn't mean to startle you," Lafayette said.

John breathed out, hand on his chest. "Why are you here?"

"Sometimes, I come here with my boyfriend and use Alex's TV. I like his movie collection. And he records every episode of Law and Order. Plus, he has good snacks." Lafayette chuckled. "Why are you here? I thought Alex said you left or something." 

John shrugged, and brushed his hair out of his eyes. "I guess. Does, um, Alex know you're here?"

"No. But that's his fault for leaving his sliding door unlocked." He sat down on the couch, laughing softly. "We're watching Dr Phil right now. Do you wanna join us?"

"But don't you work with Alexander?" John asked, looking confused. He didn't like the thought of Lafayette and some guy wandering around Alex's and his house. Wait, no. Alex's house. John had to remind himself that he was living with Alex, and it was not his house. But it still felt like John's space now, and he didn't like Lafayette or Lafayette's boyfriend in it.

"I'm taking a sick day." Laf shrugged.

"Hey!" A guy chirped, walking in the living room. He tossed some snacks to Laf. "John, right? Yeah. We briefly met at the wedding. Hercules, or just Herc." He stuck his hand out.

John just forced a smile, refusing to make any contact. "How long are you staying?"

"Couple hours. Come sit with us." Lafayette patted the couch.

John bit his lip, feeling slightly irritated, but forced himself to sit in Alex's chair and not say anything.

It felt like centuries of watching Dr Phil and Law and Order before Lafayette and Hercules finally bid adieu and left; John grabbed his Walkman and scurried off to the home library, picked a book, and read with the quiet sound of Funny Girl in the background. And he waited for Alex.