Kanej

Chapter 4

Inej wondered if she'd made the right decision as she laid in Kaz's bed.

Her heart was beating irregularly and she pressed her hand against her chest, trying to control her breathing. She had begun feeling drowsy out in the parlour, when she was playing with the piano, but now, lying in Kaz Brekker's bed, she was suddenly wide awake. And alert.

She seriously doubted she would get a good night's sleep, with Kaz lying merely inches away. But what if that was Kaz's intention?

Did he invite her tonight to sleep next to him or did he have another agenda? Nothing was ever certain with Kaz. He was full of surprises, both pleasant and unpleasant.

Inej stared at the high ceiling, trying to memorise the intricate detail on the panels. Kaz was in the master bathroom, and if Inej strained her ears, she could almost hear him brushing his teeth. He'd been in there for a while and she fleetingly wondered if he regretted asking her to stay the night with him. Maybe he was hoping she'd be asleep by the time he finished.

When Kaz finally emerged from the bathroom, damp and shirtless, his breath caught in his throat. Inej was curled up on his covers, just like the countless times he'd imagined. Her eyes were shut and her chest was rising rhythmically. Her hand was tucked under her cheek.

Kaz slowly savoured the sight of Inej on his bed and he was filled with the familiar primal, raw desire he inhibited recently, every time his thoughts strayed towards her. She was sleeping in a loose sleep shirt, her slim legs bare from the knees down and he swallowed.

He'd never never seen so much of her Inej's bare skin, except for maybe the first time he'd met her in the menagerie. But back then, he'd only been interested in her skills. It was different now.

He actually reached his hand towards her, his body working against his mind when Inej sighed softly in her sleep and turned to face him. He froze, hand poised in the air as Inej sleepily blinked up at him, smiling drowsily before she realised that Kaz was shirtless, and towering uncertainty above her.

She stiffened, suddenly alert as she sat up and looked at him, all traces of sleepiness gone from her face.

Inej hadn't intended to fall asleep but Kaz's bed was surprisingly comfortable and before she knew it, she was gone. But now she was awake, and hyper-aware of Kaz and his bare flesh. It wasn't like she'd never seen him without a shirt but the sight of his pale skin, his lean chest and abdominals rippling with muscles and tension made her waver.

She realised that the male body could still excite her, and could cause butterflies to swirl in her stomach.

She breathed out shakily. Maybe her time at the menagerie hadn't completely broken her as she had thought.

She lifted her eyes to meet Kaz's heated gaze and felt her face grow hot as his gaze lingered on her face, trailed towards her neck then focused on her shoulder. She followed his gaze and realised with a jolt that her shirt collar had slipped in her sleep, and now exposed a good amount of her smooth shoulder.

Inej blushed and moved to straighten her shirt but Kaz got there first.

Inej gasped softly as Kaz grasped her arm gently with one hand, and his other hand hovered above her shoulder. Kaz felt Inej watch him in that inscrutable way and realised that her faith in him gave him much needed confidence. He steeled himself and slowly, painstakingly began trailing a fingertip across her skin, from the edge of her bare shoulder, across her jutting collarbones until his fingers found the erratic pulse on her neck, beating like the wings of a tiny bird.

Kaz exhaled slowly, fighting the urge to hyperventilate and focused on the flickering pulse of Inej's delicate throat. He dared a glance at her and to his surprise and pleasure she was breathing shakily, her beautiful eyes hooded as she slightly tilted her neck, giving him silent permission.

He hesitated, his fingers seeking comfort against the reassuring beat of her neck and although his insides churned with bile, he found that he could control it. He still felt sick, but not in the nauseating fashion that threatened to cripple him. His fingers unconsciously tightened on her arm when Inej gently laid her hand across his fingers, which were loosely resting on her neck.

Inej rested her small hand on Kaz's hand that was urgently clutching at her as his gaze darted towards her, and then at their hands which were touching. Inej was looking at him in gratification as she whispered gently 'You did really well, Kaz'.

She wondered if her praise would mean anything to Kaz but at the sound of her voice, he relaxed. His fingers released the crushing pressure on her arm and Inej resisted the urge to rub it. Kaz would never touch her if he realised he had hurt her, even if it was unintentional.

Instead, she leaned forward and cupped his jaw for a brief moment. She withdrew her hand when she felt him beginning to tense beneath her fingertips and at the same moment he dropped his fingers from her neck.

Inej's skin felt suddenly cold without the gentle pressure of Kaz's touch as she laid on her back. She felt Kaz's keen eyes probe through her body before he climbed in bed next to her. It was too hot for blankets so they both laid on the comforter, barely inches apart.

Inej was acutely aware of Kaz's presence, even though she could scarcely hear him breathe. She turned slightly to face him and noticed that a thin sheen of sweat covered his muscled torso. Inej's heart swelled as she realised that alongside the trauma of physical contact, the act of intimacy in itself was physically exerting for Kaz. But she knew that he would power through. For no reason other than her sake.

They still had a lot of barriers to overcome before they could ever reach the peak of intimacy, but Inej felt tonight was a good start. She couldn't find the words appropriate enough to show her heartfelt gratitude to Kaz so she slid her hand across the bed until her fingers found his. Like her, Kaz was laying on her back but unlike her, he was drifting to sleep.

One arm was thrown across his eyes, and his other hand rested across his abdomen. Kaz jolted when Inej's hand found his but he wordlessly gripped her fingers. He understood her in a way no one ever had and probably never will. But as they lay together, side by side, not touching anywhere except for their hands, Inej smiled, feeling hopeful. Things were looking up after all.

It was when she closed her eyes she realised her shoulder was still exposed.