Kanej

Chapter 10

Kaz

With each passing of the day, and with every moment spent in darkness, the simple intimacy of touch brought Kaz and Inej closer.

Although Kaz was apprehensive and would involuntarily tense if Inej were to touch him without warning, it was better than him flinching or knocking her hands away. But when it came to touching Inej, Kaz was decidedly bolder.

He had haltingly explained to Inej that touching her gave him control, and that control kept him sane. But when she touched him, even with the gentlest of touch, he was in her control. And while he had power over his actions and his touch, he lost all that power when he was touched.

But he had progressed from that frightened little boy who couldn't bear the thought of skin on skin contact to the man who was now becoming increasingly familiar with human touch, even if it were only with Inej.

As for Inej, she welcomed Kaz's touch.

Maybe it was because for the first time someone she loved was touching her. She welcomed and craved it. In the Menagerie, she'd laid on her back while all kinds of men had touched and explored her body. Some men even made it their goal to make her come.

And even though her mind protested and her body resisted, her body would eventually cave and become boneless and limp in pleasure. She hated those moments, hated the pleasure that was forced out of her.

She knew it was biological and her body was preparing for what was coming next but it was still wrong. She didn't want a stranger touching her in a place where he had no right to and making her feel these feelings she had never experienced before. But with Kaz, everything was different.

For once, every brush of his skin against her skin was electric. Kaz may have been inexperienced and hesitant and often at loss at what he was doing, but none of that mattered to Inej.

Inej had a hard time controlling her reaction to Kaz's touch. The first time Kaz dared to graze her skin, she was sure she would feel revulsion and disgust, like she had usually experienced at the Menagerie. She thought she would have to force a smile and pretend to enjoy his touch but that wasn't the case.

Instead, Inej thought she'd died and gone to heaven. Surely, someone's touch couldn't feel that good, could it?

Inej's fear had slowly evaporated with Kaz's first touch and she prayed the more intimate they became, the more she could forget and push away the terrible things she had endured at the Menagerie.

And as the days bled into the night, and the two lovers dared to become bolder and daring with each stolen moment in the night, a night came when boundaries were crossed and limits were reached.

It had been a long day.

Kaz and Inej were celebrating the last night of the four crows. There had been tears, drinking, dancing and merriment. Hugs were exchanged and drunken promises were made.

Even Kaz, emotionally indifferent and stoic Kaz Brekker, looked away and cleared his throat when Jesper gave a short, heartfelt speech, invoking the tears all present all over again.

When everyone finally retired for the night, Inej slipped in their room. Kaz joined her a few moments later and was surprised to see her sitting in front of the mirror, brushing her hair vigorously. He glanced at her, trying to catch her eyes through the mirror lol but she purposely ignored him.

No detail, however minute hardly ever evaded Kaz and he wondered if he was being paranoid. He waited a beat and then decided to give her space.

When Kaz emerged from the bathroom, water dripping from his hair and trickling onto his torso, Inej had her back to him. Kaz had a fleeting look at her smooth back before she thrust on her sleepshirt. She turned briefly when Kaz closed the bathroom door, but immediately turned her back again to him.

Inej walked to the dresser to grab a paperback when Kaz exhaled and stalked towards her, until his chest pressed lightly against her back. He placed his hands at the edge of the dresser, trapping Inej in his embrace as he asked 'what's wrong?'.

Kaz thought he would be met with silence but to his surprise Inej turned around swiftly. Her eyes were bright with anger and he could feel her bristling with tension as she suddenly slapped a piece of crumpled paper at his chest.

'Why?' She cried out, with so much pain and anguish in her voice that made Kaz immediately hate himself, even though he had no idea what she was talking about. 'Why would you do that?'.

Kaz grabbed the paper that had fallen to the floor and quickly glanced at it. Realisation mixed with dread dawned on him as Inej grabbed a blanket and moved towards the bay window.

'Inej, wait-' Kaz began, but Inej shook her head. He could hear the tears in her voice as she cried 'I can't even look at you!'

Kaz walked towards Inej and dropped to his knees, wincing when pain shot up his bad leg. Inej promptly turned her back to him but Kaz was sick of her turning her back to him. He hovered over her head, his breath tickling across her neck as he rasped, 'Inej. Let me explain. Please.'

He didn't care how long he had to kneel, as long as Inej gave him the chance to explain what the hell he was doing. He saw Inej's shoulder droop and felt her exhale before she abruptly turned to face him. They were so close that if Kaz leaned down, his lips would touch Inej's lips. Kaz could see the tears clinging to Inej's dark lashes and he could have kicked himself. She was crying because of him.

Inej sat up, pulling the blanket to her chest as she sniffed. 'You have one minute.'

...
What did Kaz do now?!