Where Two Sides Meet

Messed up? Again?

Dear Journal,

I was so happy that Felix joined me for Ice cream.

We headed toward the roof of the shop to eat our ice cream under the fiery sunset. There was a warm breeze, it was nice.

The lighting from the sky gave both of us a reddish tint. My baseball cap almost flew right off my head due to a giant gust of wind. Felix and I both laughed.

I apologized once more for all that had gone down at school, I was the laughing stock of the school and he was put in the middle of it all.

"So who was that blonde anyway?" Felix asked in a completely serious tone.

"Just a girl who felt like spreading lies," I muttered. He heard me, but if I'm being honest with myself, I wanted him to.

His hood blew off revealing his hair which was now whipping around in the breeze.

Even though his hair was a shade of midnight black it still looked as if it was a shimmering crimson.

Felix suddenly asked me if the girl was lying about me being gay. I wanted to say yes but I stopped myself knowing it wasn't the complete truth. "I dont even know anymore," I said

"Yeah...me too." He responded, his face turning bright red like a tomato.

I felt a sudden urge to kiss him, so I leaned over slowly and he didn't seem to be pulling away so I gently graced his lips trying not to grin. His lips were soft and warm, I didn't want to stop but I did. "Crap." I say.

"Uh... I should go..." Felix says.

I knew that I messed up... again but I didn't want to go back, I wanted to kiss him now more than ever.

I heard him run down the stairwell and watched him run far, far away from the building into a direction I could only guess was his house.

I was filled with indescribable joy, I fell flat on my butt and lay down looking into the sky. The sun had gone out of sight, revealing the stars shining above me. I wished Felix was still here, lying next to me, looking up at the stars together.

"Boy am I an idiot." I said beaming for a reason I couldnt put my finger on. To think that we had just made up just for me to ruin everything again, all because I couldn't control myself.

I balled my fist in anger and clenched my jaw. WHY? If only I could ask him all the questions rushing through my mind.

Did he like me? Did he want to kiss me?

I replayed that moment when my lips touched his, over and over again in my head. "If only I knew what he was thinking." I said, spreading my arms out wide against the hard, cold concrete roof.

I stood up and walked down the stairs and off the roof. I silently walked down the street, the breeze brushing against my face. I adjusted my white cap so it was on the correct way. The breeze was now cold and lonely.