Where Two Sides Meet

I'm confused...

Dear Diary,

I just couldn't believe it. Rowan had kissed me; right on the lips. When we pulled away he cursed and looked away. An insecure feeling rushed through my body as I stood up and told him I needed to go. I ran down the stairs of the roof and down the street until I was out of sight.

Oh jeez, I need to see him tomorrow. It will be so awkward and I won't know what to say.

Ever since I met Rowan, I would get a random rush of adrenaline whenever I would look at him. I blush when he talks to me and my voice starts trembling whenever he looks at me.

I smile as I run home thinking about the way his lips felt on mine.

But how could I be gay? How could I have a crush on a boy? But Rowan wasn't just any boy, he was... special.

I stop running to catch my breath, my chest hurts and my legs are tired.

Rowan managed to turn my entire world upside down, everything was different now. I didn't even know if I was still straight or if I ever was.

I pushed away from the thoughts and continued running until my hand touched the doorknob of my house. I was panting and sweat was dripping from the sides of my face.

I still couldn't get Rowan's face out of my head even as I let water pour down my back in the shower.

I wasn't just thinking about the fact that he just...kissed me. Was I a good kisser at all? Why did I just freeze there as he leaned in, obviously about to kiss me? I knew what he was going to do but I didn't reject him; It was almost like I WANTED him to.

I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. The cold air touched my skin. I quickly dried off and put on shorts and a T-shirt.

I was lying in bed, eyes wide open. But I slowly fell asleep as my thinking about Rowan turned into dreaming about him. I still had mixed feelings but I started to come to the realization that I... I had feelings for him...I think.