I'm in love with a criminal-Bucky barns x y/n

Chapter 21

4:42am-Saturday

Y/ns POV:
"Nat? Tony?" I looked at their dark figures "I thought you was dead?"
"We are" Tony's figure stepped into the light revealing his zombified looking body

I stepped back in shock tripping and falling onto the floor as Nat walked into the light also looking zombified. "It should have been you y/n,your so weak" she smiled walking towards me. "We're dead because of you y/n"
"No,no stop!" I shouted

Tony and Nat moved out the way revealing thanos who ran towards me with the glove on his hand. He began to punch me hard causing me to bleed "get him off me!" I screamed

I opened my eyes. "Y/n wake up, it's Bucky" he shook me.
I could feel the sweat dripping down my face as tears rolled from my eyes "it's all my fault"
"What? No it isn't doll" he hugged me "it was just a nightmare"
"Where are we?" I looked around the room
"It's a hotel the government put us in until we can move" Bucky explained
"Move where?" I asked anxiously
"I'll sort it out doll" he reassured hugging me tight as I remembered her face at the bottom of that cliff.
I broke down crying "I can't believe she's dead"
"I know doll" he hugged me and stroked my dirty hair "Tony's funeral is today"
"I hate this" I rested my head on his shoulder sobbing into his bear skin
"I know y/n,but I am so so proud of you for all this. You are so strong and I'm sure they would be proud of you" he rubbed my back "you must be exhausted, stay here I'll run you a bath and you can get all cleaned up" he stood up and walked to the bathroom.I heard the water hit the bottom of the bath and begin to fill.

He came back in the room and took my hand walking me to the bathroom, he slowly undressed me and held my hand as I climbed into the bathtub "doll do you want me to wash your hair for you?" He asked smiling
I nodded silently thinking about yesterday about how I'd lost two of my best friends in one day.

He poured water over my hair making sure it wouldn't go into my eyes,I could feel the blood and gunk roll off my scalp. Fucking rank. But I didn't have the energy to even react I just stared at the wall as Bucky washed my hair. "I love you,I'm always here for you" he reassured while washing the product from my hair. I looked down into the bath and stopped breathing at the sight of all the blood that my body was covered in. "Doll? Doll it's ok!" Bucky panicked and pulled the plug out before lifting me out the bath.
"That was all in my hair?" I felt my hair feeling nauseous
"It's fine,it's just a bit of blood" he smiled kneeling down next to me

I moved towards the toilet and began to throw up,I imagined body parts in that bath(not that there was any). Bucky brought me a glass of water and a towel and began to rub my back.

When I eventually stopped being sick I climbed into the shower to wash any excess of me. I wrapped myself in the towel and walked back into the bedroom,Bucky passed me one of his t-shirts so I slid it over my head and sat down on the bed next to him. "I'm so sorry,you wasn't ment to see that" he apologised rubbing my head
"It's ok" I mumbled
"Someones bringing us some funeral clothes to wear at 8" he informed
"Ok" I looked down not being able to process it
"The funeral starts at 10" Bucky stroked my wet hair
"Ok" I held his hand, in 4 hours I'm going to be at one of my best friends funerals
"Come here" he said pulling me into a hug.

Hours later bucky answered the door and came back with a nice black dress and a suit, he laid them on the bed and took his clothes off tossing them aside. He put on clean underwear and pulled up his trousers wrapped a belt around his waist. He buttoned up his white shirt and pulled on a black blazer.

I stood up and lifted the shirt over my head before putting on the black dress. I felt like this was all a nightmare still. Bucky picked up a hairbrush and dragged it along my now dry hair attempting to make it neater. I watched in the mirror as a teardrop fell from my eye,Bucky came up from behind me and kissed my cheek "I'm so sorry Bucky" I frowned
"You have nothing to be sorry for" he hugged me from behind
"I haven't seen you in 5 years and the moment you come back your forced to look after me as if your not confused enough" I sighed
"It's ok,we have forever to catch up but right now you've just lost your best friends so we are just gonna focus on you now" he reassured before looking at his watch "y/n we have to go"
"Ok" I sighed

He grabbed my purse and slid our phones and some money into it before passing it to me and taking my hand;we walked out the hotel and to some cars. We climbed into the back of one and I closed my eyes feeling dizzy. I felt buckys hand intertwine with mine.

After a while we arrived at Tony's house,crowds of people in black suits and dresses. I sorrowfully watched as pepper and Morgan made there way through the crouds. The sad bit is that they couldn't even bury his body so instead they put his old metal heart on a raft and sent it floating down a river. I watched as tears dropped from people's emotionless eyes.

I wanted to leave,I hated every moment. The crying,the hopelessness,the regret and the mourning.

I watched as people who had only known him for hours cried over his death. I'm not saying I've known him forever but I've known him for 7 years,through ups and downs. He was my best friend and he's saved me from myself multiple times. It was shitty outliving him.

I knew I didn't have this the worst though,tony had a daughter and a wife though I didn't like her I couldn't not feel sorry for her.

People started to talk and grief with one an other. I didn't want to do this,it made me feel small and unimportant. I walked away leaving Bucky confused. I remembered my small stash off weed in Tony's shed.

I ran over to the shed and bolted the door,fuck me im smoking bud at my best friends funeral. I rolled the joint and held the lighter on it inhaling the smoke,it calmed me.

Until,I heard a knock on the door. A soft knock. "Y/n I know your in there,open the door so I can give you a hug" Bucky rested his head on the door innocently.
"I'm fine,I just needed a break" I told him scared off him discovering my old habits
"Please y/n I don't want you to be alone" Bucky pleaded

I continued to smoke it quicker in panic "just give me a minute"
"Y/n are you ok?" He asked suspiciously
"Yeah yeah,fine" I lied and walked away from the door to put my lighter down

Crash!

The shed door fell off its hinges as Bucky stud there after kicking it open. He looked enraged and disappointed. "What are you doing?" He asked walking towards me
"It's not what it looks like" I panicked
"Then what am I looking at? Y/n are you on drugs again?" He asked
"Give me a break! I've just watched two of my best friends die!" I shouted still smoking
Bucky smacked it out my hand "how long have you been back on the drugs?"
"Since you blipped" I admitted "but it was worse in the beginning"
"What kind of worse?" He asked nervously
"I-I killed people,bad people" I stuttered
"What,I'm not kidding y/n" Bucky said outraged
"The fallen angel,that's what they called me. They assumed I was killing these bad people because I'm some sort of godsend" I told him
"Y/n.." he muttered  "why didn't you tell me" he pulled me into a hug
"I-I don't know" I whispered
"Do you want to go home?" He asked me stroking my hair
"Yes" I mumbled

He brought me home only to be greeted with disappointing news.
"I thought I'd make you both aware that your stay expires tomorrow" the hotel owner said
"Your kidding?" Bucky asked
"No" the owner said confused
"We have all been put in here because our home has been destroyed!" Bucky shouted
"Unless you want to pay for more nights that's how it is" the owner defended
"You useless piece of shit!" Bucky screamed enraged
I grabbed his arm "please can we just go upstairs,I'll sort it out"

Barns gave in and walked upstairs with me, I began looking for cheep apartments. "Go to bed y/n I'll look" barns said
"No it's fine" I said continuing scrolling on my phone
"Go to bed" he ordered

Really I didn't want to go to sleep in fear of a nightmare but I did as I was told and went to bed.