𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍 ➤ 𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘

𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍

𝘪'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘢𝘺
𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯

The drive to the therapy centre was painfully long. The entire time my mom was trying to reassure me everything would be fine but it didn't seem to calm my anxiety.

My mom came inside and spoke at the front desk for me. We only had to sit for a few minutes until a blonde middle-aged woman came into the waiting room, "Joy, it's so nice to see you again."

"Hi Dr. Sullivan, thanks for fitting Winnie in at such short notice," my mom greeted.

"Of course, anything for a loyal client. Would you like to come into my office?" she directed towards me.

I nodded slowly before looking up at my mom who had a small grin on her face, "Go on sweetheart, I'll wait out here for you."

I followed Dr. Sullivan through to her office where she gestured for me to sit in the seat across from hers.

"So Winnie apologies that this is only going to be a short introduction session, this was the only time I had free last minute but as you know I'm Dr. Sullivan, you can call me Alana though," she smiled at me.

"Okay. Thank you," I hummed as I shifted slightly in my seat.

"Now then, your mom has given me some idea as to why you're here but I would like it if you could tell me for yourself. If there's anything you don't feel comfortable saying though, that is totally fine," she insisted.

"You aren't going to tell my mom, right?" I asked nervously.

"No, everything you say stays in this room. It's completely confidential," she confirmed.

I took a deep breath, "Well I was at this party and everything was going fine. I was dancing with my friend and I just went to get a drink because I basically saw my ex with another girl- Sorry I'm rambling," I felt myself getting flustered.

"No, It's okay. You can say whatever feels important to you," Alana nodded.

I shot her a weak smile before continuing, "Like I was saying, I went to get a drink and this guy offered me one. I said no at first but he seemed really nice so I just let him pour me one drink. I even watched him make it but then when we were dancing I started to feel weird," I stopped momentarily as I noticed Alana making notes.

"Sorry this is just for my own reference, I can stop writing it you'd like," she said but I shook my head to say it was fine.

"After that everything is kind of a blur. I think I've been trying to block out certain parts. I just know I told him to stop and he wouldn't stop. He kept grabbing me and then he put his hands on my-" I cut myself off as the events played in my mind.

"You don't have to go into detail Winnie, I think I understand what happened," she hummed.

"He didn't get the full way though, he never took his pants off or anything. He just used his hands," I said almost as if I was defending him.

"I want you to know that what he did was not okay Winnie, whether he was clothed or not. You also need to know that it's not your fault," she spoke comfortingly.

"I feel like it is my fault though. I shouldn't have accepted that stupid drink," I grumbled.

"You didn't know what was going to happen. That person took advantage of your generosity and that is absolutely not your fault," she emphasised.

I didn't say anything in response as I silently took in her words. She scribbled down a few more notes before looking back up at me, "Did you tell anyone else about what happened to you?"

"I didn't really need to tell anyone. It was kind of a public thing, like everyone at the party knew. Then the guy tried to blame it on me but he's apologised for it now," I explained briefly.

"Do you accept his apology?" Alana raised her brow slightly.

"I don't think so, which is weird cause I forgive literally everyone. I just want to forget it all happened though, that's why I've been getting high a lot. It helps me forget," I mused.

"If you really want to forget that is totally okay but there are healthier methods than self-medicating that can help you deal with your trauma," she said.

I flinched slightly at her last word. I never really thought of it as trauma. Yes, a bad thing happened to me but I never saw it as a trauma.

"I don't know what else to do though," my voice cracked as I spoke.

"That's what I'm here to help with. To really overcome your trauma you need to focus on moving forwards into the future rather than staying behind to erase your memory from the past," she theorised.

"How do I do that?" I asked quietly.

"It's a long process but it's achievable. There's a number of things that can help, one of those being speaking out. You shouldn't bottle everything in. You've already been so brave to tell your mom and make the next steps to talk to me. I also run a weekly support group for women who are SA survivors where we speak on our experiences and how we cope with it. It may be helpful for you to meet people so you don't feel like you're going through this alone. Would you be interested in that?"

I nodded wordlessly as Alana grabbed a business card from her desk and scribbled something on it, "Here's the address and date for our next meeting. We run every Friday but you don't have to join us every week, it's up to you."

"Thank you," I half smiled as I retrieved the card from her hand.

"You're welcome. Do you feel like this session has helped in any way?" she asked.

"Yea a little, which is more than I expected," I responded truthfully.

"That's what's important. Small steps lead to big journeys."