Left out

Sleepless

Six days that's how long it's been since I slept a full night. I could feel it when I danced. I could feel it when they looked at me like they knew. I hated that look. I hadn't stopped seeing him. His soulless eyes watching me move about the room. The blood, I have hallucinated the blood. When I blink sometimes the blood doesn't leave the room. I knew Justin was more than worried, he kept asking. Everyone else kept there worries to themselves. I hadn't been to school since.

I was dancing. Putting everything I was feeling into it. It's how I process everything. I dance it out. North start to fall backwards "hey hey easy" Lexi grabs me before I fall "heard you have a pretty bad week I would have checked on you earlier but your living with uncle Hank so I don't see you as much especially after you stopped going to school" she said sitting down next to me. "We don't get along we don't have to pretend" "you were always Justin's girl always around him" "you could have joined us" "you two always seemed like a team...threes a party" "your my big sister" I remind her "in case you forgot you don't like to many people being older than you...with the exception of uncle Hank Dad and Justin" she said making me nod. "Are you ok" she said after a moment of utter silence "we'll I'm having nightmares about it making sure I barely sleep. Sometimes I blink and the room is covered in blood his eyes they were so soulless I see them everywhere" "his haunting you" she smiles shoving "sorry" she immediately said "no it's cool Justin jokes about this stuff all the time" she nods smiling "I probably heard every joke relating to being haunted at this point" i point out she nods "you shouldn't dance when your sleep deprived" "it's how I get all the crazy thought out of my head" "your going to pass out here and if there willing to shoot this place up they might kill you" she said making me sigh "I don't know what to do Lex" she weakly smiles wrapping her arms around me."talk to me" "how can I put something like this on you" "I'm your big sister" she shrugged "I tell Justin" "no you don't not this" she corrected making me sigh "you haven't spoken to anyone since the night it happened" "I spoke to Erin...a week ago" I exclaim "oh yeah what are you friends now" "god no but I'm not exactly hating her anymore" "we'll just let me know when I have to up my a game" she told me making me laugh "can't have her stealing my spot" she adds "she could never" I said smiling "ok I'm going to dance" "you sure" I nod getting up "you can stay I dance with Justin here all the time" "Erin never believed me when I said he was here watching you...I think it did just as much for him as it does for you" she told me I smile watching her move to the side. I begin to twirl and leap around the room.

"Hey Trudy can you buzz us up" I immediately said "you brought company" I glance at Lexi smiling "yeah" she buzz's us up making us walk to the stairs. "You come here a lot" "more so recently been having uncle Hank drive me home" I shrug "you know I miss having you across the hall" she told me I didn't know what to say. I never have a good thing with mum and than she got sick. My home was with Hank and Justin. "What happened to Justin I thought he drove you around" "his busy he hasn't driven me around since the accident" I shrug "my girls" dad said hugging us "pretty sure she's more uncle Hanks girls but yeah" Lexi said making me laugh as I walk over hugging Hank. "How are you" "almost passed out dancing but other than that I'm ok" "are you still not sleeping" I don't say anything "I haven't heard you creep across the wall" "might have something to do with him not being there" i told him he puts his finger under my chin forcing me to look at him "you have to sleep you also have to talk to someone" I sigh hugging him tightly. I stopped talking to Justin about it days ago. "I'm trying" I told him "I know" he kisses my head. I look up Erin's eyes meeting mine, she immediately sends me a smile causing me to smile back. "Go lay down in my office" Hank said making me look up at him again. I sigh nodding before walking inside.

I lay there on his leather couch watching him work. "You can't sleep with your eyes open" "I can't sleep in general" I shrug causing him to sigh "you got to talk to someone me go out there and talk to your dad or sister hell force Justin to come here and talk to him" I sigh forcing my face into the highly uncomfortable leather pillow. "It will all come crashing down sooner or later" he adds. I had no Intention of talking about it. In fact if anything I had every intention of avoiding the issue. I was in the mood for completely forgetting it ever happened, everyone is just so hell bend on bring it up. Forcing me to say something which is why her I do for the most part. I just wish everyone would leave me alone like Justin left me alone. How can I even begin to process when they keep bring it up, forcing me to relive it. Sure nothing physically traumatic happened but that doesn't mean I'm not mental traumatised. If we are being honest I don't know how I can process what I saw, what keeps appearing in my head. How can I understand the soulless eyes, the bloodied wall if everyone keeps pushing me to talk. What am I even meant to say. What do they want me to say. That I'm ok I know I'm not, a person who doesn't know me could see I'm not ok.