Hard To Love Again..

17. Somebody Is Watching Me

It was hard for her when he finally left for the mission, harder than what she thought it would be. But she tried to manage on her own. She dedicated her time to paint. She cleaned the house with some music playing in the background. She also tried out new recipes. And tried out some workout exercises she discovered online.

"Hey", she smiled at the screen, looking at him. Looking at her, he broke into a smile. They talked about their day and how things went with them.
While talking, he suddenly stopped and leaned a little forward to get a better look.
"Is everything good?", he asked.
Charlene gave a confused look, " Why, yes."
She smiled at him, not knowing why would he ask that question in the middle of their conversation.
He then started moving his upper body back and forth and looked at her humourously..
She let out a chuckle as she looked down and realized she was doing the same action for a while.
She finally stopped moving and tried to sit still. It was just a habit when she felt anxious. Loki would often notice it and place a hand over her arm to let her know that she was doing that unconsciously.
She gave him an embarrassed smile. And he chuckled in return.
"You sure nothing is worrying you?"
"Yeah. It's nothing. Really.. "
She shrugged and then resumed with her conversation with him.
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They didn't get to talk much on phone, because him being busy on his new mission. The day always went by but it was harder to sleep at night, when she knew she was alone at home.
She twisted and turned on bed, looked at the wall clock, as it kept moving forward, but sleep didn't come.
...

She has just finished her exercise which helps her to sleep at night. But tonight, she couldn't sleep.
She wrote few lines in her journal after giving much thought to it.
Then she laid again.
...
She got up again from her bed, went to the washroom, came back. And before going to bed again, she went towards the cupboard, opened it and started searching for something.
She found Loki's shirt. She wore it and then went to sleep.

_________

Just like every now and then, she tried to go out of the house. She slowly struggled to move out of the house with slow and careful steps. She almost reached the gate, and finally was able to balance her shaking self on the ground. She looked at the road ahead, the trees, the greenery, birds and the clear sky. Her eyes then landed on a human figure, which appeared to be a little far. Her face changed suddenly, she turned anxious and felt uneasy. Her breath became uneven and she startes breathing heavily. Due to shock, her legs momentarily froze on the ground.
She stumbled and rushed back to the house.
______

She washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. She then sat down on the couch, and continued reading her book.
She flipped through the page, but her mind wandered again and again to the incident which happened before.
She then closed her book, and went towards the window. She has made a bird feeder out of a cardboard box, she checked it and was refilling it.
She looked out for sometime, staring outside the window, lost in her thoughts, as she checked her plants for any damage or pests.
Her gaze landed on a man wearing a suit. He was looking directly at her. When she looked at him, he quickly hid behind a tree.
She froze immediately, and inhaled sharply. She quickly drew the curtains and rushed to find her phone. Her hands were shaking and she couldn't hold it properly, when she tried calling someone. Then she stopped and kept the phone down.

What if she was seeing things? What if this wasn't real?

As it has happened before, due to her anxiety. She didn't want to bother Loki, especially when he is somewhere far busy working on a mission.
She couldn't decide whether all that she just witnessed was real or hallucination?
Yes, she was finding it hard to live by herself, but was it that hard on her mind? She couldn't understand.

Why would a stranger stalk her? Or was he really a part of her imagination?

__________

She shared the incident with her therapist the next day in her online therapy session. After speaking to her about who she might think it was. She assured her that she is safe and if it happens again, she can talk to her.

__________

She spoke to Loki on phone, but during the entire conversation, she couldn't bring herself to tell him about the incident. She didn't want to sound crazy. Especially when she knows he was worried to leave her alone, and go for the mission. She no longer wanted to be dependent now.

_______

A few days passed, and she didn't see anything unusual outside, so it made her sure, that she was indeed imagining things.
She tried to go outside towards the main gate. She walked slowly towards it and went past it. She felt excited that she could now go past the gate. And soon it appeared positive to her that she would be able to conquer her phobia.
She tried to walk slowly in excitement. She walked bare feet on the road and it felt so great.
It felt as though someone who have never walked before, has learnt to walk.

Her eyes twinkled with immense joy. She wanted to show it to Loki. She pulled out her phone and started recording a video of her as she walked slowly outside and towards some faraway buildings. She looked around through her phone camera and suddenly spotted a parked car, but there was a man sitting inside, glancing at her.
She glanced up from her phone screen, towards the parked car. She saw that man sitting inside.
She blinked and looked at him. She was scared as she stood frozen in one place but this time she didn't run, trying to see what he does next. He was speaking to someone through a headset.
Charlene took a step back as she saw him coming out of his car very slowly. He started approaching her. And without giving it a second thought, she ran as fast as she could, and went inside the house.
She locked the main gate, and the main door, searching and locking as many locks and latches as possible.

As she came in, she settled down on the ground, panting and sweating profusely.
She trembled as she searched for her phone. With shaking hands, she wiped beads of sweat on her forehead and her face, and then she played the video she has recorded. Her eyes widened when she saw that man in the video. Indeed all this was real, a man was trying to stalk her.
Just as she was trying to cope with this. The door bell rang. This made her panic even more. She breathed heavily and her breaths came out more uneven and rapid.
She moved to run inside the bedroom but tried to still herself. She could hear two people talking at the other side of the door.
She panicked even more, her body was shaking as she dragged herself towards the bedroom.

______________

She woke up in a start and gasped for air, as she heard banging at the door. She was passed out on the floor with phone in her hand. She covered her ears with both her hands and shivered as she heard another knock. She folded her knees towards her chest and kept moving back and forth. Tears streaming down her eyes as she closed them and prayed for them to go away.
She sobbed silently as she kept her eyes closed and ears covered by her hands.
She jumped when her phone started ringing suddenly.. She immediately tried to stop the noise as she fumbled with the phone.
She recieved the call. It was Wanda. She remembered she called her for help.
"Hey. Its me at the door. Please open up."
"Yeah. Yeah. Its you?"
She asked again.
"Yes it's me, you called me.", she reminded her calmly.

Charlene got up and proceeded towards the door. Still unsure, she checked through the peep hole. She saw Wanda there.
She opened the door slowly with trembling hands.
Wanda was startled to look at her. She was not in a good state. Her hair were messed up, and it stuck to her sweaty  forehead. Her eyes looked teary and red.
"Hi", Charlene said in a low voice as her eyes looked down awkwardly.
"Hey Charlene." Wanda said in a soft tone. "May I come in?"
In response, she opened the door a little wider for her to come in.
She sat with her on the couch,
"You don't need to be worried at all. You are safe now. There is no one near this house."
She added, "why don't you relax a little first and tell me what happened."
Charlene tried to regulate her breath as she started speaking,
"There were two men at the door. They rang the door bell.. And I heard them talking too.."
" I.. I.. I also have it on my phone. I have it. I will show you."
She said with her trembling hands searching for the phone. She finally found it and showed it to her.
Before playing the video, Wanda tried to make her sit on the couch and asked her to take relaxing breaths.
"There is no reason for me not to believe you.", she smiled softly at her and continued, " I did check around and right now there is no one near the house. They must have went away, thats what I meant presently."
She nodded her head and blinked away the tears. Her body still shaking as she sat beside her.
Wanda soothingly stroked her back as she tried to calm herself..
"We'll find out who they are and what they want. Don't worry."

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