Hard To Love Again..

8. Talk About The Pain

*Serious trigger warnings*
(Self-harm/ abuse / rape)

Charlene sat in the corner, at the bathroom floor, her knees pressed to her chest, as she she kept shaking and involuntarily made trembling sounds from her throat. She clutched tighter at the towel she was wrapped in, her body and her hair were damp, her cheeks, nose and eyes were red as she shook miserably, looking around the bathroom walls, with widened eyes, confused and scared..

Her lips shook uncontrollably, as they remain parted in shock and confusion..

"Go away", she said in a breathy whisper..

"Leave me alone", she cried quietly, tears dripping from her eyes as she sobbed without making any sound..

She still had flashes from her past, which seemed very real. She could see Adam, she could hear him yelling at her, breaking things in a fit of rage..  she could even feel being abused by him, her skin hurt and burned. She could even feel the physical pain, as if it was happening all over again..

In her mind, it did.. And her mind and body felt everything again.. and again..
Just when she thought the pain has ended, it would come back to her in these flashes..

It seemed to be an irreversible damage..
Something which cannot be healed..
She felt she can never escape this. It kept coming back to her again and again..

She got up from the tiled floor.. Her legs still shook as she tried to walk, taking the support of the walls..
Her head felt dizzy and everything around her kept going in and out of focus..
She limped towards the cabinet.. and opened it with trembling hands..
She tilted the bottle of shampoo aside and took out the knife she had hidden behind it..

She looked at it, holding it in her hands.. This was it..
She needed to release herself from the pain..
She needed peace from all this chaos within her..

***

Charlene didn't come out of her room for a long time and it started to worry Loki. She preferred to stay in her room for longer periods, but today she stayed more than usual..
Loki tried knocking the door and when there was no response, he slowly made his way inside..

He saw that the bathroom door was locked and she was nowhere to be seen, which meant that she maybe in the bathroom..

Loki was a little hesitant at first and then softly knocked at the bathroom door..

"Char.. ", he called her..

After hearning no response, he knocked again..
And on hearing silence again, panic began to swell within him..

"Char?", he said in a low whisper..

He knocked again, a little louder..

"Char, are you alright?"

His eyes grew a little wide in panic, as he practically banged the door..

"Char..?"

His voice filled with panic.. And upon hearing no response, he decided to enter the bathroom. And just when he tried to unlock the door with his magic, he was interrupted when the door opened slowly from the other side..
Charlene stepped out very slowly and hesitantly.. She looked like a total mess, her eyes were swollen and cheeks were flushed.. She looked down and stayed still for few moments before trying to speak,

"I am.. sorry.. It took long"

She said in a hoarse voice.. and hesitantly twisted her stray lock of her hair, behind her ears.. Her hands shaking in the process..