The sun shone glumly through my curtains, rising day by day as I stay locked in my room. The darkness greeted me every night, intensifying my thoughts, as it brought the tears. My eyes grew dark and red, and my body grew tired as the days passed on without him, the sun who walked out of my life, leaving my body to deteriorate. Emotion was meaningless, and I was numb, weak, and trapped in my thoughts. Day after day Michael and Ashton left to search the city for him, always coming back empty handed. Each day they knocked on my door, mumbling their attempts to make me feel better through the hollow wood standing between us. Each day I sunk more and more into myself, away from them, away from Calum, away from the world. My world. Eight days had passed when Ashton knocked on my door again, only this time with a different message. His voice sounded tired, hopeless almost as he spoke. “Luke, I know you don’t feel well but you need to write some today, we all do” I heard him sigh deeply, before his feet echoed away from my door, and down the staircase. I lay bundled in my blankets, hiding, like every other day, as I glanced over at my guitar standing in the corner, nearly dusty by now. My heart leaped for it, but my body didn’t move. It’s too late. I thought, tears trickling slowly down my face. I took a deep breath and sat up, fighting my thoughts for the first time in a week. My short burst of motivation reached out for my guitar, landing it in my hands and on my lap, but was short lived as my fingers wandered the strings. I lay my cheek on the body, letting the cold wood stimulate me. I lay my fingers down in a line, forming an A chord, and strummed aimlessly. I switched chords swiftly, A, Asus4, A, A5, A. The high pitched ring played through my ears, as I barely strummed the chords, leaving my palm on my bridge to mute them. The tone resonated in my ears, and I came to like it, playing it faster as I lifted my head from the guitar. My strumming sped with my heartbeat, and I stretched behind me in search for my notebook in a pencil. I scribbled down the chords quickly. Calum’s bass echoed through my ears, but only in my mind, I reminded myself, letting out a sigh. I picked my guitar back up, strumming the chords faster and with more force now. Calum’s face flashed through my eyes with the music, and the lyrics laid themselves out like a map.
“Every since the day that we met
I couldn’t get you out of my head
There was always something about you”
I smiled at the thought of the first time Calum and I met, as my hand etched across the paper. I could almost make out the sound of the bass..Calum’s bass, in my ears, and it threw me back down, cutting my motivation in half. I rubbed my eyes, fatigued and searching for my inspiration as I sat at the end of my bed, only me and my guitar. Memories of us played through my head, like ghosts dancing in front of me in my bedroom. The time he stole my clothes when I was showering and I chased him back into my room, wrestling him for them. Or the time he tried to teach me bass, only to realize how similar it was to guitar, and how excited he would get when I caught on. The transparent entities disappeared as soon as they had come, and I watched them in euphoria. The last memory was that of our first kiss, right in my bedroom, and right in front of where I was sitting. He had been especially nervous that day, avoiding me, ignoring me, everything, until I had finally cornered him into talking. We retreated to my room, as I had forced him to come, not allowing him to treat me like he had all day. I slammed the door shut and faced him, hands placed impatiently on my hips. He paced in front of me, facing towards me, then away, then towards me, and away again, all whilst he rubbed his temples, obviously nervous. “I-I. Luke” He stopped and looked me in the eye for only a second before he began to pace again. It was as if he would build up the courage, but one look at me would send him crashing back into anxiety again. “I have to tell you something” He stuttered out, still pacing and rubbing his hands through his dark hair. I leaned on one leg to see around his back as he turned away from me. “What? What is it Calum?” I began to raise my voice, irritated. “What could it possibl-” but he had cut me off, his lips crashing into mine like a tidal wave, forceful, but passionate. My arms dropped to my sides and I brought them up to cup his cheeks, pulling myself further into him. I smiled as the memory faded, biting my lip as I felt as if he was just there, and his lips had just left mine. But they hadn’t, and he was gone. Did he regret it all? A pang of loathing shot through me again, along with the next wave of words, demanding to be sung.
“Every chance that I seem to get
Finds a way to end in regret
There was always something about you”
I wrote down the words illiterately, and threw the notebook, pencil, and my guitar on the bed behind me, exhausted from my journey down memory lane. That’s enough for today. I thought, curling back into bed, and back into my artificial world with Calum, existing now only in my dreams.
