Siriusly, I'm Sirius!

Merkimfanoge Part One

A/N: I ATE MY TWIN IN THE WOMB.

This chapter wasn't edited, but I will edit it soon, so bear with me, m'kay?

Also, part two of this chapter will arrive soon, just dunno when.

OH! And I don't know Lily and James' middle names, so I made them up. I hope they sound okay...

ANYWAYS.

I LOVE YOU ALLLLL.

Merkimfanoge

As Lily stormed away, James was rather put out. He was watching as the girl he well...loved walk away from him, in a fit of rage. It was simply natural for him to be a little let down right? Oh he was let down alright, but James definitely didn't give up hope. He would gain the affection of his girl, no matter what it took.

Now on a completely different note, let's take a quick peek into the brain of Sirius Black, shall we?

Good things come in small packages, right? Well. That's not exactly true. Because my package is large, and it's most definitely good! 

Alright. I don't think we want to dwell on that. Let us move on to Remus.

This is quite a brilliant book. But...the author could be quite a lot more descriptive. A little colour here, a dash of spicy words there and VOILA! A masterpiece. I am so amazing. I should totally be an author one-ohh, that chick has a nice ass!

Good lord. Boys these days. I think the mind of a female would be far more productive, don't you think? Let's turn to Jazzy. She has proved to be a reliable source.

Mother of pearl! Remind me, why am I doing this again? Why in Jesus' name am I helping Sirius Black possibly ruin someone's life? Why on EARTH am I following this cray cray devil to the library? I must seriously have gone bananas! Haha. Seriously. Like SIRIUSLY! I'm so clever. THIS SHIT AIN'T BANANAS! B-a-n-a-n-a-s!

Oh, silly Jazzy. She has proved herself, once again, to be quite simply, a ninja.

Anyways, as anyone could have guessed, Jazzy and Sirius were headed off to the library, with one sole purpose in both of their minds. To create an elaborate plan to prank an unknown victim.

The pair entered the library, both of them determined to come up with the perfect plot. They marched through the rows upon rows of magical literature, and Jazzy felt elated. Books always gave her this pleasant tingly feeling inside of her tummy, and her fingers itched to reach out and touch one of these beautiful things, filled with knowledge and excitement.

I digress. Now where was I? Oh yes.

Jazzy and Sirius finally seated themselves at a table towards the back of the library, in a comfy little nook, secluded from the rest of humanity. Surrounded by books, Jazzy felt that she could accomplish anything.

                                                                                          *

About two hours later, Jazzy most definitely did not feel this way anymore.

For about the first half hour, they had happily drawn out maps and created lists and tables. Their discussions were quite good, and Jazzy came up with some ideas she was thoroughly proud of.

But, it all went down hill when Sirius spotted a butterfly flit through the shelves of books unexpectedly. Sirius had immediately started to follow the delicate beauty with wide eyes, standing up alertly and intently. He had begun to jump at it and take swings at the poor little thing with his large hands. Jazzy thought his resemblance to a puppy was a little frightening. After that, Sirius' attention could not be re-focused, no matter what Jazzy tried. How Remus dealt with that maniac almost twenty-four/seven, Jazzy had no idea.

At that point, Jazzy was fruitlessly trying to get Sirius back on track. Apparently, Sirius was far too interested in his little drawing to focus on anything else.

"Sirius! Siiiiirrrrriuuusssss! Siriusssssss! C'mon, we've gotta woooorrrkkk!" Whined Jazzy in a tired voice, placing her head on their desk, trying to take a peek at what Sirius was drawing. But apparently, Sirius did NOT want Jazzy to look at his art work because he shrieked out a "NOO!", siting bolt upright, and covering his paper with his arms, giving Jazzy a poisonous look.

"Jazzy I'm not finished my masterpiece yet! You can look at it when I'm done!" Sirius proclaimed in a haughty voice, harrumphing afterwards.

Jazzy groaned. This could probably take a while.

                                                                                                       *

Lily was still fuming at James, even a couple hours after the incident. She just couldn't even fathom how horridly disgusting that pig was.

The red head grumbled and muttered insults at Potter underneath her breath, as she feverishly rearranged all her books on her book shelf in the sixth year girl's dormitory. She shuffled and moved and replaced several books, stood back and looked at her work, then shook her had and replaced them where they were before. She repeated this process several times, evil thoughts of James swirling around in her head. Lily was getting her self more and more worked up as she rearranged her extensive collection, and her hands started so shake so violently it was becoming difficult to keep up her work. Tears started to gather in this Gryffindor's emerald eyes, and she finally stopped. The book that was held tightly in her hand dropped as Lily brought her hands to her face, covering her eyes. Large drops of moisture trickled from her bright eyes, and she tumbled to her knees. James was stressing her out. She didn't need this right now! She didn't need the constant torture from a certain raven haired idiot.

Shaking with a new found rage, Lily stood up, and slowly started to march down the steps, one sole thought dominating her mind: Must. Kill. Potter.

As Lily had predicted, Potter sat in front of the fire with Peter and Remus, laughing and chatting away. Potter didn't deserve to be happy. He didn't deserve to laugh. Potter was a dick.

"POTTER!" Lily screeched, her nostrils flaring and eyes wild.

At this point in time, James obviously wasn't in his best frame of mind, or was drunk, or was just completely deranged because he said the single most stupid thing he could possibly say to an angered Lily Evans.

"Hey Babe, finally decided to yes to my BJ offer?" James asked unashamedly, adding a wink to the shaking witch for effect.

This snapped Lily. This made her completely lose control. To this day, she will still insist she was so completely overcome with rage that all she remembers from that moment was a red glow of anger, and a throbbing fist. Because Lily balled up her fist as tightly as she could, pulled it back and slammed it into James' face.

Yes, Lily Maria Abide all rules Evans punched James Edward Potter as hard as she humanly could. The whole common room was shocked. No one moved. No one spoke. Only James made a groaning noise, that sounded strangely like "Merkimfanoge" as blood trickled out of his nose.

Lily had no idea of what she had just done. Her eyes widened, her bottom lip trembled, and with a swish of her dark red hair, she sprinted back up the stairs to her dormitory.