Siriusly, I'm Sirius!

Phase One: Balls into Boobs

A/N Oh god. I feel so bad! I neglected this story for sooo long! Arghh...I'm such a HORRID person. I don't even deserve to be called a person....I'm a....a...MONSTER!  

Well, at least I'm updating now. Again, sorry. I send u all virtual hugs. And Mrs. Weasley's cookies. Cause they always make everything better, rigghhhhttt?  

AND Syree is pronounced See-ree. You'll see later ;)  

Up top is fem!sirius 

I KNOW THIS SEEMS SUPER RANDOM BUT IT'S REAL IMPORTANT OK

Anywhoozle, ENJOY!

Phase One: Balls into Boobs

"Okay, so this is what we'll do..."  

And Marlene was off, explaining her whole elaborate plan with detail and efficiency. Once she was done, Jazzy was thoroughly shocked. So she fell over. By accident of course. 

"Marlene, it's...very good, but not perfect...I have a few simply delicious ideas to chip in, and then VOILA! We have the extraordinarily perfectly fabulous plan to completely RUIN Sirius Black, once and for all!"  

                                                                                       *

Sirius Black strutted through the Gryffindor common room, heading to breakfast with Peter, as James was still sleeping and Remus was already in the great hall, probably reading a book. Silly silly Remy...doesn't know how to really have a good time with his nose always shoved into a book. Silly silly wolf... 

"Sirius, do you think that Marlene McKinnon is single?" a voice interrupted Sirius' thoughts. It was Peter, who was staring longingly at the black haired and blue eyed girl, who was talking animatedly with the cutie Summer.  

"Peter, have you been living under a rock? She's been dating Lazar Boot in Ravenclaw for two bloody years now! And it's looking pretty serious, no pun intended." Sirius replied, somewhat shocked that Peter had no idea of the happenings around Hogwarts. Sirius kind of had to know who was dating who, so he knew who would be available for a one night stand. He sure didn't want to be hitting on a girl with an angry boyfriend on her tail. Insert violent shudder here.  

"I really like her though...she's so pretty..." Peter sighed, trailing off.  

"WELL GET BLOODY OVER IT IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!" Sirius roared, being his usual loud self.  

Peter sighed. Sirius was about to walk out the portrait hole when Moe walked up to him, with her regular tray full of his favourite breakfast. That was one of the perks of keeping her around.  

"Why, thank you very much love!"  Sirius had that girl wrapped around his pinky finger. 

Moe smirked as Sirius dug into his bacon. "It's amazing, as usual. Now run along, and let me eat in peace." Said Sirius thickly, shooing her away with his hand. Moe pouted, kissed Sirius' cheek, then did as she was told.  

Sirius finished his breakfast, then headed back up to his dormitory to awaken the terribly ferocious beast, otherwise known as his best friend James Potter.  

"JAMESY JAMESY YOU GREAT UGLY LUMP, GET OFF YOUR ASS AND HAVE BREAKFAST!" screamed Sirius right in James' ear. Nothing. Sirius groaned. Sometimes his best friend was like that, and simply didn't wake up for anything.  

But Sirius had a very ingenious idea, if he did say so himself. He stroked James' hair and put on his best Lily voice.  

"Oh James, if you get up now, I promise you, you won't regret it!"