Siriusly, I'm Sirius!

Snivellus Snape

A/N: Hello. Hey. Hi. Aloha.
So I'm back from the dead with an update.
Since the beginning of SIS I've had this story all planned out, and I haven't forgotten a single detail.
So, since it's summer for me over here in Canada, and I've got a free schedule, I'm gonna try to upload as many chapters as possible for you guys who still actually care. (Namely TurnOutTheLight who was my inspiration to continue.) Since I haven't uploaded in a millennia, I'll give you a nice lil summary of what has occurred in the lives of dear Jazzy, Sirius and all our other Siriusly! I'm Sirius! Characters !!

SUMMARY
Jazzy Summer and Sirius Black became acquainted when the Marauders played a prank on Jazzy. She then retaliated with a prank of her own, in which Sirius turned into a girl and was forced to make out with this dude in Ravenclaw.
Even though Sirius had to endure being a female, he was thoroughly impressed with Jazzy when he found out she was behind the prank. He then decided he needed her as an accomplice in the master of all pranks he was gonna play on a mysterious enemy.
We left off when Jazzy and Sirius had left the library after a long day of prank planning, and stumbled upon Severus Snape

!Quick reminders!
-The story is set in everyone's sixth year
-Jazzy's best friends are Marlene McKinnon, Lily Evans, and Remus Lupin
-there was a brief mention of Jazzy's last serious relationship with a Slytherin named Vaughn Wolf
-Jazzy never liked the marauders (aside from Remus) and we are yet to figure out why
-Marlene is dating a Ravenclaw named Lazar Boot
-Jazzy and Sirius' relationship at this point is purely friendly, but that will change
-there were brief mentions of a Wolfstar (RemusxSirius) relationship by Sirius but we don't know if they were just silly remarks or actually serious.
-Lily is super angry at James. Like insanely angry.
-Jazzy has a younger brother named KC who attends Hogwarts
*
Snivellus Snape
Later on that night, while Sirius and Jazzy were heading back to the common room, they happened upon a rather terrifying sight.

It was Severus Snape.

*

Jazzy was not too familiar with The hook nosed, greasy haired and pale skinned Slytherin. All she knew was the he and Lily had been bossum buds until he had called her the m-word. That's right. So that basically put that slime ball on the top of her "I Do Not Like You But I'm Not Really Gonna Do Anything About it" list.

But, apparently, Sirius was very familiar with the greasy-butt that was Severus Snape, because he immediately slapped on his bully-face, and sneered violently.
Turing to Jazzy, in a hiss full of venom, he whispered "Yes Jazzeroner, this is perfect. Just too perfect. He's the best victim to practice your mischief making skills!"
Jazzy shook her head forcefully, and began to back away from Sirius. "No...no, I just...I feel bad!"
Sirius shot her a look of exasperation.
"But...see here! The poor bloke is pitiful enough on his own, he doesn't need even more trouble from us!" Continued Jazzy.
Silence ensued as Sirius rolled his eyes, and flipped his hair over his shoulder, observing dear old Snivellus.
He was muttering feverishly under his breath, and staring intently at a ratty old potions book clasped in his pale and wirey fingers.
Snape raised his wand, and flicked it repeatedly in the air. He waited expectantly, but nothing occurred. Swearing under his breath, he shook his head and made a note with his quill in the battered book.
"What the hell is Snivelly up to this time?" Muttered Sirius, now looking, for lack of a better word, serious.
Pulling Jazzy along with him, they scurried behind a statue or Erkel the Eerie.
Jazzy tugged on Sirius' sleeve. "Sirius we should really be heading to the common room-"
"Hush!" The Gryffindor interrupted, and placed a finger on Jazzy's lips.
"This is ever so important Jazzoo, you'll need to keep your pretty lips shut."
Eyes wide, Jazzy obeyed.
Up close, Jazzy noticed that Severus Snape looked sick. Skin paler than usual, deep sunken in hollows in his cheeks, prominent purple bags under his eyes. This boy did indeed look unwell.
But, Jazzy figured, he did deserve it in some sense. For the longest time, he had been the best of friends with Lily, until that fateful day under the birch tree. Jazzy, Marlene, Alice and Siobhan had looked on as Snape had called Lily the dreaded "M" word and completely shredded their relationship into pieces.
For days afterwords, Lily had fought back tears in the girl's dormitories, and the other gryffindors had offered comforting words like "Snape probably has a minuscule penis" and "he was always super disgusting and oily anyways, so it's not truly a loss." This seemed to work, as Lily was mostly back to her normal cheery and intellectual self in a few weeks.
So, Jazzy supposed that a little retribution for Snape wouldn't do him too much harm, as long as he wasn't actually harmed.
At this point, Snape was getting terribly frustrated with...whatever he was trying to do, and Sirius was getting some deep seated enjoyment from his pain.
"I think it's about time we reveal ourselves, eh Jazz-Jazz?" Sirius stated with a smirk. And with that, he launched himself from behind the statue, and in front of the shocked Slytherin.

Jazzy was worried. Sirius really was a hoot at the best of times, but she knew he could be a right prick when he wanted to.

"Where are you shirking off too? But I do have one guess, and that it's not to the showers," Sirius taunted, making a disgusted face at Snape's raven hair.

Jazzy glanced around worriedly. "Sirius?" She mumbled, pulling on his dark robes. Sirius payed her no mind, as Snape glared.

"You're probably off to go jump that vile mudblood, aren't you, you filthy blood traitor!"

Oh no he didn't!

"So what if I am?" Sirius roared with contempt. "At least I can get a girl, and you wouldn't be able to convince Moaning Myrtle to go on a single date with you!"

Jazzy was getting beyond worried. "Sirius!" She said louder, continuing to pull on his robe. She didn't want a professor to catch them arguing, that would definitely deduct points. And Jazzy was getting up to enough mischief these days as it was, what with agreeing to prank with Sirius and all.

"SIRIUS!" Jazzy finally shrieked, making both boys jump.

"That's enough. You can wipe the floor with Snape later, I want to get back to the common room!"

"Jazmine, stay out of this one," growled Sirius while Snape just sneered.

"Your half-blood girlfriend got you whipped, Black?"

Sirius' eyes widened. "WHY YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING LITTLE TAMPON-"
But then he broke off, a wicked grin graced his face. "You knows Snape, I was actually under the impression that I had the upper hand! I seem to be recalling a time last year, in which James and I had you hanging upside down in the air with your trousers round your ankles."
Snape made a rather pained choking sound. "That was pure luck, Black! You caught me off guard!"
The two men were now circling each other, waiting for the other to made the first move.
Jazzy was frozen in place. Her feet seemed to have stopped functioning. All she could do was look on in terror as the boys continued to rile each other up.
"-at least I'm not a filthy blood traitor like you! I've heard the most disgusting stories from Bellatr-"
Sirius barked with a humourless laugh. "That crazy bitch? Talking about me? I wasn't the one who tortured that first year!"
"That wasn't us!" Screeched Snape. "You wouldn't understand!"
And then, Snape broke.
He fired the first curse.
But Sirius, with his lightning quick reflexes, blocked it, and threw his own back.
This spurred Jazzy out of her trance.
"Sirius! Merlin's left bottock, SIRIUS! Stop it-oh mother-STOP!"
Jazzy began to tug at Sirius' robes, "god dANG IT YOU BLITHERING BUFFOON THIS WILL GET US ALL DETENTION AND I WILL-"
"WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON HERE?!"
All three students immediately stopped their battle and turned towards the source of the raised voice.
It was none other than the Headmaster, Professor Albus Dumbledore himself.
The man was as tall and daunting as ever, with his, as Jazzy though of it, luxurious silver beard, and magnificent midnight-blue robes spattered with moons and stars.
The student's eyes were wide as they stared at the floor, unable to meet Dumbledore's eyes.
"And why, may I ask, did the three of you believe it was a good idea to have a duel past curfew?"
It was Sirius who spoke up.
"Please sir. Jazzy and I were only trying to get to our common room when Snape attacked-"
"The truth, please, Mr. Black," Dumbledore stated, observing him knowingly over half-moon spectacles.
Sirius didn't even blush, which Jazzy thought was astounding. If it were her caught in the middle of a lie, she would have definately fell on the floor, curled into a ball, and refused to speak or move for days.
But no, Sirius merely blinked, then repeated, with a very blank face what exactly had occurred.
Dumbledore nodded, as if reaffirming the tale and said "Well, naturally, I will have to impart a weeks worth detention, and 20 points off for each of you respectively." Jazzy had expected no less, though she still felt the hot stab of shame. "Though, Mr. Black, I rather expected to have found you accompanied by Mr. Potter, rather than Miss. Summer."
With a shrug, Sirius said "Old Jamesy-Poo has been busy."
There was undoubtedly a twinkle in the professor's eye as he heard this, but didn't comment.
"Well, I'll expect you three to be in your respective head's of houses offices at precisely 7:30 tomorrow night. Now off to bed! Pip, pip!"
This interaction left Jazzy very stunned indeed.
"What the even heck. I don't-I can't even..." Jazzy stuttered, trying to get her bearings.
Sirius simply smirked. "Now that, my dear Joozoo, is how you get a real, true, detention."

And thus, the trio departed.