Don't f*ck this up - BlackHill

SEVENTEEN

Maria woke up when her alarm went off. She opened her eyes slowly and sat up.

 This was one of the first times she didn't feel like going on a mission. The whole thing with Natasha was just too much, she was sure that she couldn't be in the same room with her and not want anything more.

Maria still wanted to be with Natasha, it was the only thing she had been thinking about since she ran out of Nat's room. She just knew that it could be hard for her to trust again. Even though she would tell it to herself over and over again.

Maria got up and went to the bathroom. She took a shower to try to reset her thoughts before the mission. Everything from Natasha to the mission details crossed her mind. It was hard for Maria to control her emotions and concentrate on the mission. She wished that she could just forget this and move on with Natasha. But without even acknowledging, she was thinking about Natasha all the time.

Natasha woke up to her alarm, which she had put out four times already. She sighed and pulled herself out of the bed. Maria was everything she could think about. Everything that crossed her mind was just partly important. Natasha tried to shake herself out of the whole thought of Maria taking her back. She wasn't sure if there actually was a way to work things out but she still kept believing that there was.

Natasha got dressed and tried to come up with "normal" topics to discuss on the ride to the mission. She knew that Maria wasn't ready to talk about this yet and honestly she wasn't either.

As Natasha was gathering the final things she needed on the mission, she remembered a dream she had last night. In the dream nothing had happened between her and Maria. Everything was just like before, she was rude to Maria because of her confused emotions and Maria was just being a colleague.

That dream made Natasha realize that she really didn't want all this to go back as it was. She still wanted to remember those rare, intimate moments she had with Maria, even though they would be the last ones. She made a promise to herself to try to win Maria back but in the end it was Maria's decision. And whatever conclusion Maria would end up with, she would respect it but still keep the memories they had built.

"Hi!" Maria said and smiled slightly when Natasha stepped inside the Quinjet. "Hey!" Natasha replied and tried to hide her nervousness. They got the navigation ready to lead them to the destination.

The mission was the same as before. To break into the Hydra's hideout they had already been in and get the information. This time they knew what was coming and how big the concrete building really was.

"Good luck! Ask for help if it's needed" Tony said and started to walk out of the ship. "Yeah!" Natasha and Maria mumbled something at the same time. The ship's door was closing. "Ohh...and I'm sorry I couldn't get the rooms changed!" Tony yelled just before the door closed between them.

Maria looked at Natasha with confusion. "What did he say?" She asked and looked away at the door. "I don't know. Something about rooms in the hotel, I'm not sure but maybe we'll figure it out when we get there!" Natasha responded and moved on to the cockpit and Maria followed.

"Do you think it's weird how good this all seems?" Maria asked after a while of silence. "What do you mean?" Natasha said and turned to Maria. This was the first time she had looked at Maria since she came to the ship. She saw the confusion and slight sorrow in her gaze. Natasha got filled with anxiety and panic when she realized that it was actually two of them together alone for at least two days.

"Well... last time we came here on the mission, we only got a crappy van and needed to go to the Bartons for the night. And now, we got the ship and Tony has booked a hotel?!" Maria explained with a baffled look on her face. Natasha nodded and smiled. Seeing Maria talk to her like she used to, made her feel warm but at the same time it made her feel weird like she didn't deserve it.