Cagaster of an Insect Cage one shots

poetry

3rd pov

It's not something Kidow likes to advertise, but he writes. Not stories or anything of the like, but when he's in the right mood and can deal with the dark thoughts in his head, he writes poems. They're not nice and sweet or anything, but they get the thoughts out of his head and on the paper, so he can deal with them at least a little. He's never shown anyone his poetry, keeping it in his room, under piles of Cagaster stuff.

It's not that he doesn't trust other people but reading the poems he writes gives them a look into the darker thoughts he has, the insecurities, the dangerous life threatening ones, the stuff he doesn't usually let show unless it's gotten bad. He doesn't write it on loose pieces of paper either, fearing they'll get lost, no he writes them in a notebook his teacher - father feels too generous sometimes, even dad is tough on some days - gave him in order to keep his thoughts straight. Kidow is almost 100% sure this is not what he meant, but it is what it is.

Ms.Mario has an idea. She's known Kidow for years, at this point and she knows him fairly well, even if most people can't tell. She knows that he struggles like everyone else, for all that he refuses to let others see and help him, but she's been trying to get him to open up for years. She's pushing harder now because something in her gut says if she doesn't do something bad, downright dreadful things will happen and she has a bad feeling she might know what that is. After all, she left her family because they had driven her dear brother - who came out as gay - to commit suicide after a month.

She still hasn't forgiven them for that, but this... the sinking feeling in her gut, the look in his eyes, the way he sometimes gets when he thinks he's alone and no one else can hear him, these are signs she didn't have a chance to see because she worked hard to help make the family money and so she was gone most days. She only realized the truth when she went home that day, racing because something in her was dying, withering, an almost ominous feeling hanging over the house. She'd gone into her brother's room, hoping to talk to him finally, let him know he had some support, maybe just read with him, but had instead found him... hanging from his ceiling, neck bent unnaturally and knowing in her heart that he was gone.

She left not too soon after that, refusing to stay no matter how much her family begged. She came out as trans as she was leaving and the entire family changed their tune, urging her to leave, disgusted by the fact she didn't want to be what her body already was. She had cut ties to them, but never her brother, and Kidow gave her much the same feeling. She can do something this time though, and she will. Jin had been helping as best he could but his job often takes him out of the city and he takes Kidow with him, but they're both alert for Cagasters so they don't die, so there's never really any time. Qasim can't change his behavior too much in order to help or Kidow will get suspicious, but he's been trying to get the kid to lean on him, take some of the pressure off his shoulders. Hadi and Aisha don't have that problem, both helping Ms.Mario in urging him to open up.

However, for all they try, it is ultimately Naji that gets him to act. They're all sitting in MsMario's shop, enjoying a nice meal, the adults trying to encourage Kidow to be more open, accept some help, in subtle ways, when Naji turns from where he's sitting by the window. It's not often he says anything, he and Kidow get along in their own unique way, but he's decided to interfere because he has a feeling this is something like his dad. The man had died long before the West Gate Tragedy, having unfortunately been swallowed by his own inner darkness and taken knives to his wrist, water urging it out until he had been cold and stiff by the time son and wife had returned to find him. Naji had been the one to find him.

The image of his old man, lying still, cold and lifeless in the tub had never faded, especially not with the red water in and splattered around it. He'd had - still has them sometimes - nightmares about it for ages, until he'd finally moved on... only to lose his mother in the West Gate tragedy.