Cagaster of an Insect Cage one shots

Cure

3rd pov

Kidow had always known something was different about him and he's not just talking about the fact that he's from the far East. He's more thinking about the memories from before he was 7, which he can barely recall. There's nothing about his family, or the neighbors he had, nothing about kids he might have played with. All he can clearly recall is the fire that ate through the entire town, killing people and bugs alike, the bugs chewing on people, the screams and cries of others. He can distinctly recall the feeling of being in a Cagaster's mouth, like it was going to take him somewhere, but everything else is a blur, nothing sticking out clearly.

But, he gets flashes sometimes, wooden walls, needles, people in white, charts he can almost read, other things like that, but nothing clear and honestly he's not entirely certain what to do about that. The flashes aren't often or very clear, but what he does manage to glimpse is vague at best. The story they spell out is not one he can really say he wants to remember, but he needs to because the damn little he does remember doesn't tell him what the point of the experimentation was - it had to be an experiment - and he needs to know, because it might mean an advantage to him, it might mean he needs to live alone for the rest of his sad, pathetic life. He tries to remember, but there's just nothing.

After Illie joins them, starts living in the Inn with them, the flashes come more clearly, with more frequency and for longer periods, to the point Ms.Mario has started to place a hand on his shoulder in order to grab his attention when calling his name does not work. Of course, the panic attacks at the color white, the flinches from movement out of his sight or touches he can't see coming, he can't hide those as the memories get clearer, but so far they haven't asked yet and he's thankful for that, taking the time to piece together the information he has.

From the looks of it, his parents did not want him, since he was raised in an orphanage in the village. There were more than enough kids there, so food sometimes was rough to come by and water was only in abundance because they needed it to survive, but honestly, it could've been worse. He can recall playing with the other kids, even if it's blurry and he knows they were friends, but then the owner had sold him off, given him to the men in white. He recalls little from there, mostly pain, Cagaster remains, blood, needles, white and a lot of overly complex things he could not understand then that he wishes he didn't understand now. The terms are unclear sometimes, like his brain is still certain he's not ready, but he's got more than enough to think on as it is, especially since the scientists working on him made it sound an awful lot like he should be able to stop Cagaster outbreaks.

He's almost 100% certain they did not mean by becoming an Exterminator, which means that whatever the hell they did to him, either it did not work, he was not strong enough to use it properly, or it worked and he hasn't figured out how to use it, since the whole thing is still blocked from his mind. He's been trying to figure it out, wondering if maybe he could've stopped that Cagaster in the tunnels beforehand without having to kill it somehow, but he's not certain what he could've done differently. He's not even entirely certain that the thing could be saved, but he's hoping to figure out the best way to save Cagasters without killing them, because he's tired.

He's 17, but he feels older, having killed more people - for all that others believe they are monsters, they are still human somewhere inside there - than any other Exterminator, as well as having to never let anyone close, unable to get to know them so he can kill them without regret, but than only having regret to fill him later as he realizes he does not know their favorite color or flower or even if they have family. He's so, so tired of having to kill, but he refuses to die just because he happens to not want to anymore, he wants to live far more than he's tired of killing.

Hearing that Qasim - the man he was just starting to trust, to get close to, to want to know - has a Cagaster outbreak, it makes him angry, it makes him sad, it makes him a lot of things, so much so that all he wants to do is discharge his emotions, push them aside, but the best he can do is not let them show on his or in his voice as he asks, "Do you have any last words?" Normally getting close to an outbreak is not recommended, but he wants to do something, anything. He sets a hand on his shoulder, thoughts going back to how he'd like to discharge his emotions... except something about the word discharge hits something in him, like a bell or gong ringing through him, a memory he can't quite recall urging him forward.