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+ p a r t f o u r: 17 +

"I know right now you're upset that I avoided you all those times, I was just really hurt and I know it was childish of me. I'm sorry. I really am. I hope you forgive me"

He didn't even try explaining why he left like that. Why he could do that to me.

I had nightmares that something had happened to him. That I'd lost him like I'd lost Agnes and Olly.

I thought that he didn't want me anymore.

I couldn't even look at Penny. I kept getting scared I'd lose her too.

Maybe that was just him trying to make me see that I needed him. Maybe he was just giving me a glimpse of what life could seem like without him.

Jamie didn't know that I had nightmares about losing the two people I'd loved with all of my heart but he also knew his radio silence would cut through me and give the reaction he wanted.

I texted him back. I told him it was fine. That I wasn't upset. As long as he finished the year's semester and Penny was one, we could move to any town he'd like and he could move to a community college there.

Of course, that made him happy.

"He's going to regret this in the long run" Holly said when she came to see Penny and I.

I knew that. It was scary to imagine. I didn't want Jamie to blame me if things didn't work out right for him but I didn't want him to leave me and Penny.

When we moved, it was a small place called Ashtown.

It was a nice town and a tourist attraction for most people because of its beautiful sea. He got a nice cabin around it.

Just like our honeymoon.

He was trying to recreate it.

The past. We were always going to the past.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

At night the water shone like a million stars and when Penny was sleeping, I'd walk on the shore, the waters moving through my feet.

Jamie's and I's relationship had it's bad times, but there were times I could be very grateful I had him.

"Come on"

He had stolen my notepad, hiding it behind his back as I rolled my eyes "Give it back"

"No"

There was a mischievous glint in his eyes. Just like when we were younger. Just like when we didn't have to be chained to ourselves.

"Let's go sit by the water, Skye"

"Penny—"

"Is sleeping" He completed "And she would be for a very long time. Trust me"

I folded my arms "Did you give her sleeping pills?"

He laughed "Of course not, but I might or might not have exhausted her out by making her walk with me for a while"

"Jamie"

"Baby"

"You have no right to physically manipulate our daughter"

He pouted "Sorry, but I was glad you were able to write. You said you needed it"

It was cute. His need to please me. I loved that about him because I knew there was no one who would stand me quite like he did "Let's go sit"

We sat next to the water as it washed our feet, his head resting on my shoulder while I stared ahead.

Our silence was peaceful. Like I could hear his heartbeat and it resonated with mine. I liked times like this "Penny talks a lot"

I sigh "I honestly have no idea who she gets it from. It's not you, or me, and it's definitely not Rob"

"Did you have a sibling that talked a lot?"

I froze immediately. He must have sensed that because he rose his head to look at me "Babe"

"Yeah" I relaxed, trying to hide the tremor in my voice "Olly did"

The wind whistled and the water moved to our feet again. I could tell he was looking at me, trying to see a reaction.

I kept a straight face on.

"He must have been a cool person" He said, moving back to my shoulder "You know, I'd have liked to meet him"

"Why? You didn't even know him"

"But he knew you. I'd have— I'd have liked to know how you were before everything"

His hands were moving to mine, his fingers curling towards my own fingers "Sometimes I get a glimpse of that version of you. Carefree and a bit on the crazy side"

Then he rose his head to look at me "Maybe that's why I can't stop how I feel about you"

My heart was racing again. I was looking at him now, swallowing so I could let it beat properly "You should try explaining yourself"

He looked at the sea now "When I see that side of you, however rare it is, I keep wanting to see more. That no matter how badly you push me away. No matter how hateful you seem towards me, I can't leave"

"That side of me is gone" I said.

I didn't feel like Skyler anymore. Skyler was a girl who showed her underwear to boys because she was trying to be funny. Skye was afraid of close proximity with their husband.

"I had said maybe" He kissed my hand now "It's possible that I just love you so much I'm trying to give myself a reason to hang on to. Whoever you are. Whatever you become. You're my other half, Skye"

I kissed him because I didn't know how to show him I loved him with words. It was the first time in forever that we did that.

And then I hugged him and told him I loved him.

Because I knew I didn't deserve Jamie, and yet somehow, he wanted me.