Staying home began to drain me physically and Penny was beginning to notice I was acting different to spend the weekend over at Holly's and Rob's.
They were surprised to see me, and they looked more surprised when they saw how I looked.
I hadn't sleep in a month so I was sure I looked like shit. I didn't tell them what had happened but Jamie had come there to see us when he found out Penny and I weren't at Ashtown and Holly told him where I was.
We avoided one another again.
"Skye"
I used to hate ever being alone with Holly. It was like she sought out some sort of emotion from me and it always left me vulnerable.
That day was no exception. She didn't ask what was wrong with Jamie and I, thankfully, but she had my new book in her hand. Us.
No one in Ashtown had it, I made sure of that, and I never told them my penname which was only known to my publishing agent, but Holly made a rough guess.
Probably because I had used the name she once wished to call another child of hers, if she'd ever have one, as my writer name.
Siobhan Cullen.
"This book—" She was gripping it tightly, her veins showing in the darkness of the house porch that I was seated on.
Tears glistened in her eyes "It's to Jamie, isn't it?"
I had frozen then, because it was the first time I'd been confronted with such a sentence "I don't know what you're talking"
"I'm his Mother, I—" She let out a sigh, trying to smile even though more tears fell "I can feel it. That you're talking to him. I never knew you—. Skye, what you feel is beautiful, does he—?"
"No" Jamie was not supposed to see it. He could one day because I couldn't prevent him from seeing it forever but I didn't want to be there when it happened.
Holly had hugged me tightly when I said that.
After she had asked me questions about how the town people were, I went back into the house so I could check on Penny and found Jamie standing next to her bed while I froze at the door.
I wanted to run. I knew I should have ran, but— but I wanted to see him. I wanted him to look at me. To see what he was doing to me.
To see how he could be that—
When he turned, I found myself walking backwards out of the room, he followed till my back hit the wall.
We both stared at one another, our hearts thumping being the only sound between us before he spoke. His voice eerily quiet "Do you know what happened after I got home and didn't find you both there? I thought you'd gone away again. How could you do that? How could you try leaving me?"
"Leaving?" I let out a laugh that hurt me too. I felt like my heart was being ripped out "You left me for a whole month. You left us"
"You left me for months. Skye. You have no right to judge me"
"Is that what this is? Revenge?"
"No, it's not" He let out a frustrated groan "I just needed space"
Space?
"It doesn't matter. I'm home now. I'd always be home. Have you spoken back to the company?"
"Jamie—"
He kept talking "I've thought about it and I think it'd be nice if you went there"
I couldn't believe it "It's not about what you think. It's about what I want"
"And I want what's best for you. I always have"
"Are you sure, Jamie? That you've always wanted the best for me?"
"Yes" He looked hurt I'd think otherwise "Of course, I'm sure"
"Jamie—" My fists were clenched. I was pissed. I was mad. I was raging with bloody fury "All I've ever done, for as long as I can remember, has been what was best for you"
Jamie chuckled "Seriously? The fucking me and fucking other people were for my good? The fact that you kept avoiding going anywhere with my friends and I cause you couldn't stand me? The fact that you kept running away from me was because you had me on your mind?"
"I've always fucking had you in my head, James" My head hurt. The tears were burning in my eyes as I tried to blinking then away "I was scared of losing you. You meant more to me than sex but you wanted that and I agreed because I loved you. I stayed away from your fucking friends because I knew they'd think I was a freak just like you did!
"Your whole life" I was laughing "You've had everything just the way you wanted. You've had everyone love you, you have no idea what it means to be scared"
He was swallowing. I could tell my words were hurting me. His eyes weren't leaving mine when he whispered "You leaving me scares me"
"And yet I am still here, with you"
We both stared at one another again. For the moment, we couldn't say anything else, so I told him "I'd leave. To New York. You're right. It'd be good for us"
He was nodding and so I walked away.
I didn't sleep that night.
YOU ARE READING
US
Teen Fiction"What we are Skyler, how we feel. We don't have to give it a name. It's just Us" ~ Skyler has never felt like they belonged anywhere. Not being sure that they were a girl or boy, not fitting in a Christian family, never feeling completely happy. Tha...
