Through It All (LevYaku fanfic)

Patience is Love: Chapter 13

He paced the length of his small bedroom which was difficult since Lev was still kneeling in the middle of the floor. Calm down, Yaku Morisuke. Calm the fuck down. No need to be so angry. No need to be upset.

Lev couldn't help but feel utterly betrayed, his whole team had lied and kept the secret. He calmed himself to give his reply. He wanted it to be clear and hoped it wouldn't sound as cold as he felt, knelt there in his underwear. "Your reasons may make sense to you, but they do not to me. When I saw you yesterday and thought Kou and Mori were your blood children, I thought I had lost you to someone else."

He swallowed, and reached for the Sprite, just to fiddle with the tab. "I still never wanted you out of my life. My thoughts were that I loved you enough to give my congratulations, as long as you were happy. All I want is your happiness, even if it isn't with me. That's what flooded my mind, not cutting you out."

Coldness crept up his spine. So... this is how it feels to go through a bad breakup. He ran his fingers through his hair again. Calm down, Morisuke. The Yaku blood runs in your veins. Calm the fuck down!

Lev hunched over and put the Sprite down, he ran both his hands through his hair and held them there. He continued to speak softly in the same clear, if the slightly cold tone, "I love you. The good and the bad. But I'm sorry, I'm angry right now. There is a difference between patience, and being stubborn and prideful. You had our friends lie to me because you couldn't face me. I wasn't the coward here."

Lev watched Yaku grab and pull at his hair while pacing. He had committed everything about Yaku to his memory and knew this trait of his. He saw his love was about to lose his composure.

Morisuke felt that slap resounding deep into his soul. He needed that to wake up from whatever he had put himself in. Fuck. He knew that. He refused to name that action cowardice but it was what it was. He was a coward. He dropped his hands to his sides and stared at the team picture on his nightstand.

Lev stood up with the decision since they were being honest he should rectify the misunderstanding, "I was never in a relationship with Ryuuki." He paused, It was more a lovers' experience, without actually dating or the boyfriend's label. When the cafe opened six years ago, he was my first regular. He really helped the cafe take off by spreading the word. He asked me out every day after the first three months of coming in. I always declined."

Lev opened the Sprite and took a small sip, "He remained flirty and determined, but we became friends. I told him about you, how I love you. How I wished I could hold you and call you mine. He asked if I'd ever been with a man, and I told the truth. I hadn't, I had only kissed. I had been on single dates. I just didn't want anyone if they weren't you, so I never followed up with any of them."

There was a small sense of pride in knowing that Lev waited for him but at the same time, he did not like it. Especially when he was promiscuous when he was in Russia. Especially when he knew that he used every man with silver hair and green eyes he saw as a replacement for his Lev. Especially when he knew that this relationship they had was shaky at best.

Lev breathed a deep breath, here I go, "over the remainder of that first year we talked and hung out. He would bring up the topic that it's better to know what you're doing to please your partner. I started to think about how clumsy I've always been and got worried that if I ever did get to have you that I would be bad at it and that you wouldn't enjoy it. I asked him what I should do. He suggested practicing with him and that he didn't mind. I took time to think about it, and I told him that I was not open to having a relationship if that was his goal and that we wouldn't have sex. He accepted the arrangement."

Oh, sonovabitch! Svoloch'! Fucker to the highest power. Oh, inside him, he was cursing in every language he knew but his face showed nothing of the sort. He only watched Lev's face and listened to his words. Of course, he would accept any crumb of attention from you, you adorable handsome idiot!