Drowning

Chapter Thirty-Five

"What was that? He looked mad," Mariana says, walking in and looking back towards where Aiden just left.

"Nothing," I say sitting down on my desk. I'm really not in the mood right now.

"That didn't look like nothing,"

"Mariana, just for once would you drop it." I say, combing my fingers through my hair, starting to get frustrated. I really don't want to discuss this right now.

"Are you ok?"

"Mariana, I don't want to say something I'll regret. You should leave, I'll talk to you later," I say, opening my computer with a deep exhale.

"I'm going to ask again, are you ok?" I know that the only reason she stays is because she cares, but she always has respected my space and on the worst day she decides on being stubborn.

"God-dammit Mariana, leave. Now is not the fucking time," I tell her slamming my laptop shut and looking up at her.

"What happened? What did you do?" She keeps pressing. I grab my purse and dump my computer in it, I can't be here. I walk towards the door and Mariana grabs my arm, "Tell me what happened,"

I take my arm back, "Tell me Mariana what do you want to know? How last night I kissed Aiden, or how I was stupid enough to go to sleep with him there, or hmm let me see, how I woke the both of us because of one of my nightmares or even better how I told him everything about Aubrey, or wait how I left him this morning alone in my apartment. Tell me Mariana which fucking story do you to know first," I dont even look up at her, I dont want to see her reaction. I know I'm not being fair today, but I told her to give me time and she only continued asking questions. I sit on my couch putting my hands on my hair.

She sits next to me and I can feel her staring. "I'm sorry," The last thing I need is to push her away too, but I realize it's probably too late, because she already stood up and left the office. This day can't get any better. I start pacing around the room making a mess of my hair when she walks back into the office, and grabs my purse.

"Let's go, we are going to the apartment and I'm taking you somewhere," she said and walked out the door.

—-------

"Fuck I needed that," I say panting, unwrapping my hands for a second time today.

"I know," Mariana says waiting for me, outside the rink.

She took me to the apartment and forced me to get gym clothes on. Apparently when she walked out she told Alice to call the gym and set me up with a partner. And I've never been more grateful, because unlike this morning I feel all my muscles beginning to sore and I probably have a few bruises but I already feel lighter.

"I'm sorry for bursting out on you, you didn't deserve that," I say, taking a swig on my water, and sitting down on the bench next to her.

"I know I didn't, which is why you are making it up for me with an explanation," she says crossing her arms across her chest

"I guess that's fair," I say, taking another sip of my water.

"From the beginning," and so I explained everything to her, from the moment I stepped into the guest bedroom to the last word Aiden told me before leaving my office. She didn't seem surprised by the fact we kissed but she became all serious after I mentioned Aubrey.

"So what? You plan on never seeing him again?" She is still serious.

"That's the plan," I tell her, standing up and going to the locker room. We should get out of here.

"You're just going to forget everything. You spent almost everyday with this man for more than two months, you even kissed," I may have downgraded the kiss to Mariana, but if I would have told her how great it was she would have put more of a fight. "And what? Because someone finally knows something personal you need to cut him off?" She continues and follows me inside the room.

"Mariana I don't need that moment hanging over my head more than it already is,"

"What do you mean hanging over your head?"She says with a frown

"I don't need his pity or his empathetic eyes, I'm strong. I moved on and worked for where I am today,"

"And what? you think he doesn't know that?"

"I don't know if he does, but I'm not sitting around waiting to find out he sees me like a little girl who needs fixing. Because I'm way more than that," I say, closing my locker, and I follow her out the door.

"Are you even listening to yourself? What you're saying is mad nonsense." She stops me at the door.

"Mariana, you didn't see him when I told him about it. How he reacted. I know with time he will start looking at me differently and that's the last thing I need or want,"

"He should treat you differently. With a shit ton more of respect." Mariana says, serious, but I don't give in.

"Vale," she exhales. "Are you even sure that's what you want? Are you sure that's what he wants?" It doesn't matter if this isn't what I want, this is what's best for the both of us.

"Lets just talk about something else, yeah? My mood is way better and I'm starving." I don't want to talk about this, I'm not changing my mind, I don't have a reason to see him again. Everything with the Millers is settled and he is going to stay away and so am I. We're both moving forward, period. Things are getting busy this week either way, I'm finishing up the planning of Mariana's engagement and then I'm leaving next week for Italy and Spain. My schedule is too filled to even have time to think about him.