Drowning

Chapter Sixty-One

I fucked up. I inmensely fucked up. I slam the door to my apartment when I see the elevator doors close, taking Valentina with it. I walk into my living room and just look at it. At the skyline of the city that she was so mesmerized with when I first brought her to my apartment. At the couch we used to sit and watch movies or talk about the movie because we got bored quickly. The floor where I made love to her after the movie usually ended. And yes, made love. Because I love her. I'm Aiden Black and I love Valentina Callaghan no matter what I fucking did or how the fuck I got here. I know it was selfish of me to let myself catch feelings. I know it was selfish of me to push us into being together. But after spending months together, it was too late when I realized I had already caught feelings and couldn't let her go. I just couldn't help it. she was everything and nothing to me and I just couldnt fucking it help it. She used to get annoyed when I told her that, but I couldn't tell her what it meant. It sounds so... pathetic honestly. She's my everything, every time I was with her she invaded my mind, my space, my heart. All I wanted to do was give her my full attention. Leaving me wanting to crave nothing but her. But when she left I felt nothing. I felt empty, like I was empty without her, and couldn't wait to wonder when I would see her next. I felt like I used to feel everyday before I met her. Before I knew there was more to life than just work. Before I knew I was unhappy.

I go batshit on my living room destroying everything there is to it. Smashing the coffee table, the tv, the decor. Everything. I go into my bedroom wanting to grab my phone so I can get the hell out of this place. I look at my bedside table, where my phone lies, but my eyes move towards what's beside it. My journal, our book. The book that I started for her. I was writing about our trip to the cabin before I went out to see why she was taking so long on the phone. I wrote about how well it went. Ethan and Logan loved her, like I knew they would. Cara adored her even more. But that isn't that hard to do, she's Sky. I read the passage I wrote for today.

Year One, December twenty sixth,

We just got back from the cottage, where we spent an absolutely marvelous time. We didn't kiss much this trip since we were constantly surrounded by people, and I mostly like to kiss you when I have you all to myself. When I have your whole and undivided attention. Anyways, it was an amazing trip, the guys loved you, Valentina. And as you could tell Cara did too. But that isn't hard to do since you're you, someone who doesn't love you is absolutely insane.

Today December twenty sixth I can formally say we started the count. The first day we officially said I love you to each other. Some may think we're crazy for moving so fast in our two week relationship, but I don't really care. We are doing this how we want to do this. We have known each other for months, spending time together almost every day. I don't care if we're moving too fast, because I'm sure. I'm a hundred percent certain on how I feel about you, and there is nothing more than love, and admiration in my cold heart for you. If that even means anything.

I must say when you first told me the idea of saving the I love you's for only certain moments, I thought you were losing it. But after reading the book (that was a fight to get you to give me the name of) I understood. When you don't say things as often, you appreciate them more. You feel like the more you say it the more it loses their meaning. But I'm going to prove it to you Valentina, that no matter how many times I tell you I love you, you will see the meaning behind my words. You will see my eyes telling you I love the way you read corny romance novels every once in a while. I love the way you take care of the people you love. I love the way you keep fighting no matter how tough things get. I love the way you delay a trip just to see your best friend smile. I love how stubborn you are. The way you shriek when something unexpected happens in a book. I love the way you love to cook for others. How you only share yourself with only certain people. How much you roll your eyes at me. How you fight for those you care about. I love the way you put me into place and tie me to a bed when I'm being an asshole. I love how you're the only person I seem to smile to. But most of all I love the way you wear jeans. Just for me.