Copyright Information: Music video by Billie Eilish performing What Was I Made For? (Lyric Video). © 2023 Darkroom/Interscope Records; I own nothing.
TW: Reliving memories, emotional rollercoaster
Thursday, August 19th, 5:30 p.m.
The autumn sun beat down on my skin, making me sweat beneath my clothes. Usually, I reveled in the light, for its warmth kept my powers at bay, pushing down the thoughts of ice and snow as far as they would go. But today, it felt like the sun was mocking me - Reminding me that the world was going on without me. People lived happy and free lives without me, joyous and full of love. How dare it shine so brightly when my world felt shrouded in shadows?
Each ray that caressed my skin was a cruel reminder of the consequences I was about to confront. The unyielding cheerfulness seemed to mock the heaviness in my heart. I squinted against the brightness, resenting its intrusion into my somber reverie. The guards positioned above me at the castle doors stared forward, unblinking. I wondered if they even knew I was there.
My body felt heavy with dread as I left the base of the castle stairs. The extra backpack in my hands thumped lazily against my leg as I pushed open the heavy iron gate leading into the gardens. At the sound of the gate creaking open, one of the gardeners looked up from where he was trimming hedges. He smiled brightly at me and bowed, straw hat tipping off his head.
I acknowledged him with a nod before closing the gate behind me. The Gardener's smile stayed bright as he returned to work, gently snipping unruly leaves to shape the bushes into perfect rectangles. Everything had to be perfect.
I forced my feet forward, leaving the Gardner behind me. The grounds I walked through weren't as extensive as most palace grounds - there was only space for the garden on one side of the castle, as the fjord surrounded the towering structure on all other sides - but that didn't make it any less beautiful.
The air was heavy with the fragrance of blooming roses and earthy dirt. Plots of well-tended soil lined the ground, growing vegetables like potatoes, cabbages, and mushrooms. The leaves of the towering shade trees bent towards me, reaching to the ground like a waterfall, rustling in the gentle breeze. The calm waves of the fjord crashed against the shore, spraying salty water along the banks hidden by the bright green hedges. The chirping of birds filled my ears as a flock soared above my head, flying away to a place I could never reach.
I trailed my fingertips along the ancient stone walls of my home as I walked. Worn hands, their owners faceless and nameless, constructed these walls a millennium ago to honor a man who promised to help them.
The walls they built stretched high into the sky, obscuring the beautiful, cloudless, blue sky and casting long, languid shadows across the ground. The stone withered and cracked in some spots from age, but the walls held sure and firm.
My hand clenched into a fist against the rough stone, my muscles tensing as I felt a tiny wisp of magic draw from my fingers. It wiggled from my grasp, landing on the ground and killing a rose beside my feet. The flower's vibrant red turned dull as it withered, petals droopping like tears.
I removed my hand from the wall and turned away. The sun was slowly slipping below the horizon, casting dappled patterns of light and shadow across the garden. It seemed playful as it danced around my feet, beckoning me to chase after it.
I sighed, ignoring its calls as I crossed through the rest of the garden. The sounds of chirping tree frogs and humming cicadas accompanied me. Perfect, intricate rows and clusters of flowers waved to me in the salty breeze.
I pushed open another gate, this one much taller than me. The ground beneath my feet turned to concrete as I stepped forward, neglecting to shut the gate behind me. I dropped my bags onto a bench pushed against one of the towering fence walls. They made a loud thump as they fell against the warm surface.
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