I wake to find Jake next to me looking at my knee which is covered in an ice pack. "Sorry.. I had to bring you home.. You needed to rest.. You moved and then it did this.."
"Relax it's normal. Thank you but I need to go back to him now." I mutter as I move the ice and pull my knee back into place. "Is there a bus or something?" He shakes his head.
"Brooke. We need you to stay here and rest. What are we meant to do if you end up in the hospital too? Chap is fine. One of the guys will go to see him when visiting is allowed. The nurses will keep an eye on him too."
"You can't keep me here. He's in the hospital and he needs me. I need to be there."
"Stop. Rest and we'll go back later. Chap would want you safe. You can't look after him to the detriment of yourself." He looks scared, as if I'm going to argue but I don't have the energy.
"Okay.. "
"Really? I thought I'd have to literally lock you in here." I shake my head slowly.
"The spoons are leaving too fast. Who's going to be with him?"
"Whip said something about that.. Just stay there, you don't need to do anything. I think Reidy and Matt will be there then Whip's going after lunch, Hop and Deano will call in too." I nod slowly. "He's safe there. We just need you safe too. What do you think he'd do if he woke up and you weren't here? If you'd pushed yourself past the limit? We can keep an eye on you but it's hard to notice until you're literally gone so you need to tell us too."
"Yeah.. I'm sorry.. I'm just used to being on my own.. What's Jesse like now?"
"He's fine, we've just about convinced him it wasn't his fault. To be fair, it wasn't even the Bra Boys who hit Chap."
"Good.. Do you know what happened? Did you see anything..? Or hear it..?" He nods awkwardly.
"Brooke, you know all you need to know and there's no way I'm letting you hear what happened. You need to rest then we'll get back to Chap, okay?"
"Tell me again, Jake. I need to hear it. I need to see. I need to know how bad it was.. My statement was no use either and I need to know what everyone else knows."
"Okay.. You can't hear it but I know what it said.. It's still stuck in my brain, I'm never going to forget it because it should have been me.." I shake my head but he silences me. "He pressed the button as the guys turned, I'm guessing, so the first bit I don't know.. I'd literally just got back to the beach but I had to keep South manned so I couldn't help.. One of them just said something like 'What are you going to do?' and then.. You don't want to hear it."
"No, but I need to." He nods again and closes his eyes.
"The words were muffled by now as they started to hit him.. I could hear he was in so much pain.. I heard him fall too.. To be honest you're lucky you didn't hear any of it.." He opens his eyes again and smiles halfheartedly. "That's all you need Brooke, there's nothing more that will help. Now you need to sleep." I nod slowly but I can't respond. All of the guys on the beach heard him in so much pain but barely any of them came to help. They're meant to always support each other and no one was there for him when he needed them. And now I'm relying on the same people to keep an eye on him at the hospital.
"I'm going. Don't follow me." I tell him as I drag myself to my feet, already feeling the energy seeping out of my body.
"Brooke? What do you need? Where are you going?" I refuse to answer as I walk out the door, leaving him behind. Tears are streaming down my face as I walk. I need to get to somewhere I can be alone, at least for a while and I walk slowly up to the cliffs. I've always felt safer up here, watching the ocean, free of the cars and people. I wish Chap was here, I wish I'd made him stay at home that day. What if he was still ill? Maybe he was compromised? Could I sue them for making him go back? I don't know what's wrong with me. I know it wasn't their fault. I know they did what they had to do, they can't put other peoples' lives at risk for one. By the time they heard the radio, the police were probably half way down the beach anyway. At least Reidy was there, and Jess and I were close by. It's not their fault, but it could be mine... He didn't sleep much, constantly trying to keep an eye on me and he wasn't eating properly. I could have forced him to, or stopped him from going to work.
A voice shouting pulls me from my thoughts and I realise what this must look like. I'm lying near the edge of the cliff, my crutches behind me meaning I must have moved closer, and the guys can probably see me from the beach. "You didn't even bring a coat Brooke.. Jake's been looking for you for hours." Deano's soft voice mutters as he holds me closer to him. "What are you doing?"
"Thinking.."
"This isn't the best place to think. Can you come back down? I can carry you if you need to. We just need to get away from here."
"I wasn't.. That's not why I'm here.." he nods slowly, obviously believing I'm fragile. "I was confused.. It felt safer here.."
"Okay. I'm not saying anything, Brooke, but you have to see how it looks to us. Can you walk?" I nod but fall quickly as I try to stand. Deano picks me up carefully as Jake jogs over to us.
"Thank God. What were you thinking? No.. Are you okay? You look terrible." He hands me a jacket which Deano helps me in to as we start to walk down.
"Brooke.. Next time you want to think, don't do it here in the middle of a storm okay?" I nod as my head falls into him, pulling me into the world of sleep.
