"Brooke!? Brooke!" Chap shouts, hammering on the door. I forgot I'd locked the door, too fearful of leaving it when anyone could get in.
"Sorry.." I mutter as I pull it open slowly, hiding my whole body behind the door. He sighs.
"It's okay. I was just worried. Lilli is going to be here in an hour. Do you want a shower?" He stays behind the threshold of my room so I step out from my hiding place.
"That would be good."
"Do you want me to cook anything else for you?"
"I'm okay." I smile halfheartedly and he nods, going back to the living room. I grab the towel and hobble out to the shower.
"Brooke? Just.. shout if you need me.." Chap says, standing in the doorway again.
"I'm okay." He nods, obviously noticing that my repetition of this assurance makes it even less certain. I lock the door, resting my body against one side of the shower in an attempt to stop the fall which I know is inevitable. The water runs over me for just a few seconds before it happens.
"Do you need help?" Chap shouts from outside, where I know he's been waiting.
"No. I'm okay." I sigh at the lie. My knee is out again but I can't trust him to help me. I reposition it, finding tears streaming down my face. Slowly, I drag myself to my feet and dress again. Luke's voice echoes through my head, his words from all those years ago still branded on my mind.
"Brooke.. Lilli is here now.." He's even more cautious now: probably because he heard my crying. I unlock the door and pull it open. Chap's disappeared but Lilli stands in his place.
"Hey Brooke. I've missed you." She smiles calmly. "How are you doing?"
"I think that's pretty obvious." She nods.
"Can we go back to your room and chat? Chappo is going shopping so it'll just be us in the house." I nod and she follows me back to my prison. "Have you done something to your leg?" She obviously notices my limping.
"Just the usual. It's okay." She nods.
"What's been going on with you then? Do you want to talk about it? Gina wouldn't say anything."
"I can't explain it.. Not in words.. Something happened when I was younger with a guy.. He's found me out here.. He practically put Jake in hospital.."
"Brooke, that's awful.. But Jake was hit by a car, there wasn't anyone else, he was just clumsy."
"No. He was chasing this guy.. Luke.. He came here as soon as it happened as you probably know. Jake is the only reason I can even speak to Chap right now.."
"They all understand Brooke. Well... Other than Chap.. You were so close so he can't process it, even now. You just cut him off, I mean, it's understandable with the circumstances and everything, but he's still not coping. You know he's refusing to work right? Bruce doesn't know what to do because he can't really pay him when he's not going in.."
"What's going to happen if he doesn't work?"
"They won't have a choice. They'll have to let him go. As soon as he knows you're safe, I'm sure he'll go back though."
"I need you to tell me what you really think, completely truthfully, not worrying that it's going to make me worse or anything." She looks concerned but I nod.
"Okay. I think you're being unfair. Chappo has cared for you, literally done everything for you, for months. You've trusted him all that time and then one memory and you don't even speak to him. I guess someone mentioned them finding him out at the Twins. He can't cope without you now Brooke, he drove himself crazy worrying about you, because he trusts Gina but not with you or your medical requirements. I don't think he'd trust anyone about you to be honest. There isn't anything that can be bad enough to come between the two of you. None of them would be allowed to work if they were capable of anything bad. I know you've started to let him closer again but you still locked the door. No one can help you as much as he can and you're locking him out. What happens if you collapse, if your heart goes weird again, if you can't relocate your joints? You're not only upsetting him, you're putting yourself in danger. And he's not the only person who you're hurting, Whippet, Jake, actually all of the guys are so worried and they're not being allowed anywhere near you. You can't put the mistakes of one person on half of the population." She stops. "I'm sorry.. But you did ask for the truth."
"I know. Thank you. I lost so much of my reality when I found out he was here. I guess this is a stupid question, but do you trust the guys?"
"Absolutely. Every single one of them, with my life. After all, it is their job to save lives Brooke, let them help you too."
"Thank you." She laughs.
"What do you say to having a bit of fun now?" She grins and takes her phone and a speaker from her bag, setting both up with a vast array of music. "Make overs!" She laughs as she shows me a pile of make up. "Nothing makes you feel better than looking your best. You just sit still and relax!" After about half an hour of constant changing pressures on my face she stops.
"Are you done?" I ask and she laughs.
"Ah Brooke, you look gorgeous!" She hands me a mirror and I can't help the smile that spreads over my face. It reminds me of the 'date night' Chappo and I had, how much fun it was, how much we cared about each other. The door slams and I jump, hiding behind the bed. "It's just Chap. He's come back from shopping." Lilli looks concerned whilst I sit back up just as Chap appears.
"Is everything okay?" he asks, looking at me cautiously.
"We're good. Lilli is just leaving." I tell him. She nods, getting the hint, as she packs everything away.
"See you soon then Brooke." She smiles as she pulls me into a hug. "Good luck. Just trust him." She whispers before leaving.
"She could have stayed you know.." He starts but I shake my head.
"Will you sit with me?" He looks taken aback but nods.
"Yeah, yeah of course I will. Are you feeling okay?" I nod as he takes a seat on the chair next to the bed.
"Chap.. I need you.. It's all so hard and so terrifying but I need you.." I start to cry as he watches me carefully.
"It's okay Brooke.. I won't do anything unless you ask me to. We don't need to do anything. I'm just going to keep you safe." Almost instinctively, he reaches his hand to wipe the tears away but stops. "Can I?" he asks carefully. Everything in me says no but I nod. He strokes my cheek softly as I lean my head into his hand. "We're okay and we're safe. That's all that matters." My panic rises but he doesn't move. Slowly I realise he's not going to hurt me.
"Thank you.." I mutter as my eyes close.
"I'm going back outside Brooke, just in case you change your mind but I'm only just outside the door if you need anything." I fall into a dreamless sleep, simply relaxed and safe, knowing Chap cannot hurt me.
