Saving Boston (Rewritten)

I Will Always Look Out For You

My fingertips danced along the edges of my half-empty glass of champagne, and I hadn't taken a sip, but as I watched the curly-haired girl twirl around the ballroom, I thought about it. As my fingers continued moving circles around the four ounces of bubbling temptation, I lifted my eyes from the golden rim to see a bright smile on the face of the only woman I could ever love. As if I hadn't fallen for her the night of that party all of those years ago, I found myself dangling my feet over the edge of the walls she built, ready to fall deeper in love with her.

She stood in front of whoever was lucky enough to be in her presence, smiling with such prominent dimples I knew her cheeks hurt. When I leaned back into the chair, I pulled into the corner so she wouldn't see me; I watched her hand slip into someone else's. My heart nearly stopped at the sight of her fingers curling around Trevor's as he slowly spun her around.

And I couldn't blame him. After what I did, I couldn't blame him for going after that curly-haired girl the second he had the chance to. From the first time he met her in the cafeteria, I knew he had something for her. Now, he is pursuing the person my heart beats for, and I couldn't say a word. I couldn't even be the slightest bit upset.

My head moved back and forth with resilience, but the lump in my throat told me that it was okay to want to forget every now and then. I sucked in a deep breath before lifting the champagne glass a little higher. As I brought the rim to my lips, I felt the liquid scratch at my throat on the way down. It tasted like my first Thanksgiving with Bo when we shared the tub and how she promised to love me forever over champagne kisses and Sour Patch Kids.

As I brought the glass down from my lips, I stared at the droplets of what used to be a four-ounce fill of champagne, and it didn't take long for the torment to begin. My chair screeched loud enough for me to hear, but as I slammed my glass on the table, I wasn't seeing if anybody else did. My fingertips curled around the collar of my button-up, tugging until I heard rips and felt relief.

I shoved through the balcony doors, feeling the immediate relief of fresh air hitting my face as I stepped into the midnight atmosphere. The stillness sounded like loneliness, and the loneliness felt anguishing. My fingers ran through my hair as I leaned forward on the stone railing in front of me. My eyes burn with fiery tears, but I wouldn't let these embers hit the ground. I can't start another fire. I refuse to be the reason someone gets burned again.

Just as I turned around to leave, I reached for the door before it came flying toward me. My hand reached up to stop it from hitting me as someone crashed into my chest. Fingers curled around my suit as I stabled us both. As I began to apologize, I felt my heart relentlessly hitting my chest as it begged to get back to her.

"Bo," her name left my lips in a whisper, gone with the wind.

Her caramel eyes were widened. "I am sorry -"

"It's okay," my fingers fell away from her arm as I stepped away. "I was just leaving."

"I should have watched where I was going," she stuttered. "I am really drunk right now."

My head moved up and down as I tried to stare at anything but her. "Don't worry about it."

"You aren't going to scold me for drinking too much?"

I could practically smell the alcohol on her lips, but I started to shake my head. "No."

"Well, that is a first -"

Her lips started moving, and words fell from her lips, reminding me of everything I did wrong while trying to love her. Maybe I shouldn't have raised my voice every time she didn't want to tell me something. I could justify my actions, but making her cry was never justifiable.

Her confessions started my whole world hurting, and it made me realize I didn't deserve a second chance. Perhaps I should have loved her more. I should have held her tighter when the tears started to fall and soothed her when she felt scared. My hands should have made her feel safe and given her a shield of protection. I should have paid closer attention to what she smiled at and how her sleepy smile was more real than the one she gave me at two in the afternoon.

I should have loved her better. I should have done a million things and making sure she knew it should have been my first priority. Now I am standing in front of the woman I wanted a future with, but I realized all I have is memories of our past because we will never be present.

"Bo," I interrupted with my eyes closed as my heart continued to race. "Please."

And when her talking continued, my voice raised to cut hers out. "Bo."

Her lips parted as she stared at me with eyes that continued to grow more with despair. "Whatever you have to say, I don't want to hear it."

"Five minutes," I begged. "Just five minutes."

She turned to look at me with a stray tear trailing down her cheek, slowly running over her ruby red lips. "I can't do this again."

"All I ask for is five minutes," I pleaded as I stared down at her. "Just five minutes and you'll never have to see me again, Bo."

Her eyes squeezed shut, pushing out a few more tears. "What do you want from me, Kinnick? What is there left to say?"

"I have something to say. You just have to hear it," my vision blurred. "I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, but you were never one of them. I know you think my lips don't speak the truth, but I could never lie to you. I know my promises don't mean shit to you anymore, but one last time, I just want to promise you this; I will always look out for you, Bo. As long as I breathe, no harm will ever come your way. And everything you want in this world, I'll be there to make sure you get it -"

"One day, you are going to find somebody who treats you better than I did. They will hand you the galaxy when all I did was try to give you the world. And when you find them, you will forget about the pain I caused you. One day, you won't remember me, and only then will you know what true happiness feels like -"

"I am sorry for the pain I caused you, but after you are finished getting everything you want in this world, I promise to walk away. I'll leave everything we had behind because I know you want to live in a world that doesn't have me in it."

Her head snapped up to look at me. "What are you talking about?"

"My heart is yours, Boston Bennett," I wiped a tear from my eye before it fell. "It beats for nobody else."

"Kinnick -"

I stepped forward, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head as a sob broke from her lips. "I will always love you."

The pad of my thumb brushed over the cut on her cheek, clenching my jaw as I stared at the bruise under her makeup. Before I could start pressing her for answers, I turned away. The pain in my chest didn't stop me as her cries got louder. She didn't call out for me, so I didn't stop putting distance between us. And as I turned down the stairwell, I didn't look back. I couldn't. If I did, there was no promising I wouldn't go back to comfort her. And I couldn't do that to her. So, I did what I have been doing a lot since she left, walking away.