Saving Boston (Rewritten)

It Isn't Like You To Lie

As I sat in the lawn chair, rubbing my fingers against one another, my leg bouncing out of frustration, I listened to the curly-haired girl demonstrate to everyone how to roast the perfect marshmallow. It wasn't that Bo thought she actually perfected a roasted marshmallow, but everyone else did, and now they are hanging on her every word as she giggles because the caramel-eyed girl thinks they are joking.

I am the only one without a stick in his hand. When I wrote out what I wanted to do today, this wasn't at the top of the list, and quite honestly, it never would be. I didn't care how to make the perfect roasted marshmallow.

Yet, Trevor is on the edge of his seat, smiling as if falling in love for the first time. He finds the girl in front of him infatuating. So, he is willing to do whatever he has to just so that she notices him, even if it is for a split second. See if Trevor had a to-do list; at the top of it would be written, 'whatever I can do to make Bo notice me.'

It isn't like I would hate him if she chose him at this point. As a matter of fact, I would silently root for them. Maybe he could make her happy, and I would finally get what I deserved for not only hurting the girl I loved the most in this world but for being the person my best friend's girlfriend cheated on him with.

So, he continues to stare ahead at the curly-haired girl, hoping that she will look up and notice him. Me? I am staring at Bo as if my doctor just told me I am losing my eyesight tomorrow, and I am doing whatever I can to memorize every detail of her face before then.

The difference between Trevor and me? She'll break his heart. Actually, she is going to rip it from his fucking chest. Bo will stomp on it as she stares up at him with a smile on her face, and those little dimples I love so much will show up. But she has already done that to me, and I won't ever be able to feel that again. So, that makes him a lucky fucking man. I would give my life to have that woman bring me the pain so that I can feel her again.

"Are you okay?" Rosie leaned into me.

My eyes blinked a few times until I finally tore them away from Bo. "Yeah."

"Do you want me to get you something?"

I moved my head back and forth. "No, I am heading out for the night."

"Why?"

"I've got court in the morning," I cleared my throat.

"Do you want us to be there?" Miles looked up at me.

Before I could stop it, I snapped. "No, I don't."

Without saying another word, I grabbed my keys from the plastic table and left. I could hear them talking, but I didn't want to focus on their words. When I leave, I don't look at their faces. It is a reminder of what I already know - I am a disappointment to my friends and they know they can never rely on me for anything, so I never ask them for support.

It isn't like I have court tomorrow anyway, though. That isn't until Monday, and I know everyone saw through my shit, but nobody questioned me when I said it. They let me walk away because when I get like this, I know I scare everyone, and I want to disappear because of it.

It wasn't that I didn't want them to be there when my therapist tells the judge if I made any progress. I don't want my friends to be sitting behind me when the judge tells me I am being sentenced again. They watched me get dragged away by the cops before, I won't let them witness that again. I don't want the only memories I have with my friends to be me going to jail because I cannot learn how to stop doing stupid shit.

"Hey."

I looked over my shoulder to see the curly-haired girl behind fiddling with her fingers. "Hey."

"I work for the law firm that has your case," she cleared her throat. "I know you don't have court tomorrow."

I gently shut the driver's side door before leaning against my truck with my arms crossed to look at the girl who stared at me with furrowed eyebrows. "You came all the way out here to tell me that?"

"It isn't like you to lie, Kinnick."

"Why do you care, Boston?"

"Is it a crime that I do?"

"I didn't say that," my head moved back and forth. "I am asking why you care."

"Despite the idea that everything we had was a lie, I still love you."

"That is why you ran to Trevor, right?"

"Actually, Trevor stayed here last night, and I stayed at his apartment," a frown settled into her face. "Rosie was there too just in case you want to brush up on your facts."

"What was Rosie doing at Trevor's apartment?"

"They've been seeing one another," she sighed. "You would know that if you asked, but you didn't. You just assume the worst from your friends."

"You want me to believe he is actually interested in her? He couldn't keep his fucking eyes off of you all night."

"You need to stop before you lose this friendship -"

"Lose it? It's already fucking lost."

"Why? Because you cannot understand that there is nothing happening between me and him -"

"No, Boston because I fucked his girlfriend," I seethed. "And now I am worried the same thing is going to happen to me -"

"Charlie?" She choked out before I could finish.

"Yeah," my head moved back and forth. "How do you know Charlie?"

"How do I know my best friend's cousin?"

My face fell as I stared at her. "Bo -"

"When?"

"Don't make me answer that."

"When did it happen?"

As the curly-haired girl stood in front of me with tears welling in her eyes, I knew I fucked up again. Somehow I always fucked up when it came to this woman. Sometimes I wondered how that could be when I looked myself in the mirror every night and asked myself to not fuck this up. Now I have to look her in the caramel eyes that I love so much and tell her that I fucked her best-friends cousin the same night she found out about the wreck.

"The night you found out -" before I could finish a sob ripped through her throat, and I didn't stop, I just kept going. "We were supposed to go to a party. Everyone kept asking where you were, but I didn't care about anything other than getting my mind off of it all. After taking shots, we ended up in my office -"

"Stop," she cried. "Just stop."

"Bo -"

She waved her hand at me, ceasing all sound from my lips as she silently begged me to stop. As she pressed her palm against her mouth, I listened to muffle her sobs before turning away from me. My body pressed deeper into my truck as I fell back in defeat. The street around me sounded like her crying as she walked back into the yard, and all I could do was watch her.

A heavy breath left my lips. "I'm sorry."