Saving Boston (Rewritten)

I Tried Loving You Harder But It Was Never Enough To Keep You Sober

The music blaring through my headphones made it difficult to focus, but I needed it that way. Whenever I needed to stop thinking, I would turn my music up so loud that I couldn't hear my own thoughts. As I placed another fifteen pounds onto the weight bar, my arms struggled to not falter. All I wanted was to work myself until I couldn't feel anything other than the ache of my muscles. Boxing was a distraction, and nobody needed it more than I did. That is why nobody ever beat me.

John came toward me with a stack of papers in his hand before dropping them on the ground before me. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he crossed his arms, waiting for me to pick up the documents he tossed at my feet. I slipped the headphones from my ears as I bent over to pick up contract. As I looked over the writing, I knew what this was, but I couldn't understand why John was showing it to me.

After what happened in the previous hours, he made it clear that he didn't want to train me. He said I wasn't in the right state of mind to fight, but now he is showing me a potential rematch with the man I was supposed to meet in the ring two years ago. I sucked in a deep breath before holding up the paperwork.

"Why are you showing me this?"

He shrugged as he stared at the ground. It was as if he contemplated the past few hours in his office, wondering if he should show me the contract he had been sitting on for what seemed like a while. After what I said, he walked away. I could see the tears streaking down his face as he left me in the lobby. I could hear his office door slam after I yelled at him. Now he is here, trying to make conversation.

"If you want to fight, this is your guy," he looked up from the mats below us. "You don't have another option unless you want to start at the bottom again."

"Start at the bottom?"

"You disappeared," he reminded me. "Did you forget that it has been two years since you stepped into a ring? If you want to be the best, you have to fight the best. And since you forfeited the belt, it is on the lign."

"I didn't forfeit -"

"You didn't fight for it either."

My jaw clenched as I bit back the urge to snap back at him. "What do I have to do then?"

"He wants it in Vegas again, his hometown," he shrugged. "There is nothing else. You either fight him or you lose your career. Your choice."

"How long have you been sitting on this?"

"After he came here a few weeks ago."

My eyes blinked a few times. "He was here?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "He wanted to talk about the rematch. Like I said, if you want to fight the best, you have to take out the best."

"If you are asking, I already told you I wanted this."

He grabbed the paperwork from my hands, shaking his head as he sucked in a deep breath. I wasn't sure what he wanted me to say. It was as if he wanted to give me the option, but he didn't want me to take it. I wasn't sure what he was questioning anymore - me as a person or me as a fighter. Without saying another word, he walked away.

"Wait," I called out to him.

He cocked a brow. "What?"

"You don't believe in me anymore, do you?"

He sighed. "It isn't that I don't believe in you, Kinnick. I don't know how to train you like this."

"You did before."

"Because you had something to fight for," he snapped. "You are doing it to get yourself hurt, and I am not okay with that. It never had anything to do with not believing in you as a fighter. I don't trust your intentions, Kinnick."

My eyebrows furrowed as I let out a ragged breath. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Get help -"

"I am coming to you!" I exclaimed. "I am turning to you for help because you are always here for me!"

"It isn't enough, though," his head moved back and forth. "I blame myself for putting you around the constant influences. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be in this situation. So, I tried to turn you away. I didn't want to train you because I didn't want to be the reason you couldn't stay sober."

"John, it was never your fault -"

"I tried loving your harder but it was never enough to keep you sober."

I stood from the bench. "You were never the reason for any of this. There are things I can't get right with myself, but none of those ever had to do with you."

"I have practically raised you and I feel like I am still doing it all wrong."

"You've kept me alive."

"And you made it clear that you wanted me to stop doing it."

"But it was never because of you."

"You are blinded by how much you love her," his eyes welled with tears. "You can't see how much all of us that are still present are here for you despite everything that has happened. We still love you too, Kinnick."

"It is different, John," I sighed. "Everything she witnessed, all of the trouble I caused her, she fell in love with me regardless. Everyone had a choice to stay by my side -"

"No, we didn't," he interrupted me. "From the moment I met you, I knew I would follow you to the ends of the earth. I never had a choice, Kinnick. My whole life has been a series of wondering where you are at in the world and if you are doing okay. I knew I had to make sure if you were safe every night, even if I failed ninety percent of the time. Despite everything, I am still here. I still love you. You are still my kid."