Saving Boston (Rewritten)

The Windows You Wanted

My thumb caressed the typewriter lettering on my wrist. When my therapist told me to find something that would ground me, my newest tattoo became my ten toes down. The curly-haired girl told me she would be here if she could, but that didn't soothe my body from the anxiety creeping up on me.

When I spent time inside a courtroom, I never turned to see who filled the rows. I stopped counting on people to show up around the same time I realized all I would do was disappoint everyone I cared about. It didn't stop me from turning around to see if my caramel-eyed girl would be there, though.

With every empty seat, I felt my disappointment growing. The loneliness found its way back to me. Just like Bo and me, loneliness and I could never stay apart. Just as I adjusted myself to turn around, the doors opened. John stepped through the courtroom with Miles and Trevor on his side.

I watched my coach lift his hand into the air as the gavel echoed through the room. It made me wonder how they found out about my court date. I never said anything because I felt too embarrassed for anyone to hear about what I did. Somehow, no matter how badly I fucked up, they were always right there.

Sometimes you expect bad things to happen because you have become accustomed to them, but as my therapist sat on the stand, she told the judge about my improvement. It made me question myself, and if I couldn't see myself changing, was I? Yet, the blonde woman on the stand explained my breakthrough.

When the judge started speaking, I feared my therapist's testimony not to be enough. It wasn't until he issued a ninety-day probationary period that a breath of relief fell from my lips. I knew what would happen if I screwed up again before he said another word, but I didn't fear that.

I stood from the bench as the judge exited the room before turning to my therapist. "Do you believe what you said?"

"I wouldn't lie under oath, Kinnick," a smile grew on her face. "I truly would love to continue seeing you. Not only would it be beneficial for your anger, but you will need an escape when things get difficult."

"I'll call you to make another appointment."

"I'll be looking forward to it."

Just as she walked away, I saw John coming toward me. "I am proud of you, kid."

"Thank you," I muttered as he embraced me. "I am ready to let it all go."

He pulled back in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"After Tommy, that has to be it for me."

His head moved up and down as he directed his gaze to the ground. "If that is what you believe is best."

"I won't stop coming around," I spoke. "And I won't stop inviting you over."

"None of us have been to your place," John rolled his eyes.

"As far as we know, Bo has been the only one to see it," Miles piped up.

"Fuck us, right?" Trevor added.

A chuckle left my lips. "I am taking Bo to look at a house."

"A house?" John choked. "Already? You have barely been back together for a week."

"We need a place to start over," I shrugged. "We need new memories in a place where we have room to invite everybody over."

"When are you going to look?"

I directed my gaze at Miles. "I am going to pick her up after this."

"Call us," John patted my shoulder. "I want to hear all about it."