What If I Love You? (Phan)

6- Phil

10 days until Dan,

Dan was in hospital which wasn't the best but Carrie informed me he was going home tomorrow so I don't need to worry. Today I was going to StarBucks with the one and only Tyler Oakley which is amazing. I've dressed for the occasion in a blue button down with black skinnies and right now I'm just sitting watching some American sitcoms. Sure enough, at 12 like we arranged, someone is knocking at the door. Opening it, all I can see is some light blonde hair but I look down a little and there he is.
"Hey Phil," His accent instantly makes me smile and since I'm ready, we head down to his car.

Switching on the radio, OMI Cheerleader comes on and I sigh a little.
"Sick of the boring?" Tyler asks before switching a CD on. McFly blares and Tyler looks for my approval,
"I'm friends with Carrie Fletcher so it would be rude to say no," I laugh before singing along to a personal favourite, Obviously.
"She's out of my league," I warble on and that reminds me of the time Tyler met Darren Criss,
"So Tyler at night who do you fantasise about more, Darren Criss or Troye Sivan?" I ask and Tyler goes a little red before he regains composure,
"I'll tell you if you tell me, Nick Jonas or Dan Howell?" He knows that Dan's celebrity crush and he's got me there,
"On three," We nod,
"One,"
"Two,"
"Three,"
"Dan,"
"Troye," We high five before singing along to the music on our way,
"So did we just admit that," Tyler asks me,
"I think so," He bites his lip,
"This should be like Vegas, only to be revealed in a book years later," I laugh and after he parks, he applauds me on my joke.

Ordering an iced mocha, I go sit down in a little cave thing.
"I feel very Tumblr in here," I joke to Tyler and he laughs before pulling out his phone to snap a selfie of us so I do the same. I caption it: chilling with @tyleroakley and post it on Twitter and Instagram.

We had just collected our drinks when Tyler placed an arm round my shoulder.
"I'm sorry about Dan," He says sympathetically,
"It's not me you should tell it to, tell it to Carrie." I mumble,
"Okay Phil, why?" Tyler sits back in his armchair, sipping his mocha.
"Well for a start, she's there. She can be there for him when I'm here. They've grown closer and I just want him to be happy," I take a breath and a sip of mg drink,
"But then, he's happy when he's with you," Tyler points out, resulting in a little smile from me.
"Shall we go to the park?" Tyler asks, arm outstretched,
"We shall," I link arms with him and we skip off, Tyler leading the way.

Dazzling sun beams illuminate Tyler's light hair while the blue in mine is more prominent. People look at the two of us in amusement because we are two grown men in a park but, normalness leads to sadness. Spotting a swing set, I run over to it and swing.
"I'm gonna swiing," I sing/shout,
"From the chandelier!" Tyler jumps on a swing. We carry on with our duet until two teen girl come up to us.
"Sorry to bother you but are you Phil Lester?" The girl with brown hair and blonde ends asks,
"And Tyler Oakley?" The other girl had bubblegum pink hair.
"Yep, that's us," I smile and hug the first girl tight,
"Phil, I love you so much," She begins to cry, so I take her by the wrists ; she winces. Looking at her wrists, I'm saddened to find cuts, some fresher than others.
"What's your name?" I ask gently,
"I'm Mazie, it's a really weird spelling," She tells me, looking down,
"Okay, Mazie, I don't want you to hurt yourself again. You are a beautiful young girl and I bet you're intelligent. Please, stay clean for me," I embrace her again,
"I promise," I hug her tight and when bubblegum girl asks for a group selfie, I take out my phone as well,
"I'll take one as well," We all smile and I get one with Mazie and she gets one with me.
"Do you have Twitter or Instagram?" I ask,
"I'm Mazieee on both," She smiles,
"I'm so glad we met, Mazie," We hug one last time,
"How's Dan?" She whispers into my ear,
"He can go home tomorrow," I tell her sadly,
"Well when you get home, I hope you two can work out your problems and be happy whether it's as a Brotp or and OTP," She grins and winks at me,
"Okay, I hope to talk to you soon Mazie," I wave at her,
"I'll see you through the computer Phil," She smiles before walking away with bubblegum girl.
"They were nice," Tyler smiles,
"Tyler, do you ever meet someone and think wow I can't believe I've made so much difference to their life?" I muse to the man next to me,
"All the time, Phil, all the time,"

Looking at my phone, I see its half four and I'm going out for dinner with Cat at 7. My hotel is 1 hour away and then I want to grab some gifts, ooh and I also need to sort my outfit out.
"Tyler can you help me with my gifts and my outfit?" I ask hopefully,
"Yep, do you want to head back now?" He gets up from the swing set and we drive back.

"Okay so this bag is so Louise," I laugh, pointing at the sparkly pink kitten pattern bag.
"Yes ten out of ten glitters," I put it in my basket, along with a Tom Fletcher tee shirt, a teal ukulele, a crab beanie, those smelly stick things and a Muse album that I know Dan hasn't got. I also pick up a blue shirt with black dots and a black with white waves on it for him. I pay before going up to my room with Tyler.

"Have we got a room now?" Tyler jokes and I jokingly hit him.
"Please help me with clothes," I beg, opening my wardrobe.
"Okay so these black skinny jeans," Tyler pulls out some jeans,
"And this shirt, yes!" Tyler pulls out a white shirt with some blue designs on it. I get dressed, say a goodbye to Tyler and wait for Cat.

What if Dan doesn't need me? Back in London, Dan has Carrie and he is happy with her. Pj and Chris visit him and they all have fun together. If I wasn't there, maybe Dan could have a better life.

"Dan, I'm home," Carrie would call as she stepped into the flat. Dan would be on YouTube, maybe watching one of my videos but, that's just wishful thinking. Pj and Chris would come round with beer and wine and they would film. Everyone would be fine if I wasn't there. If I left, maybe Dan would be able to get over me because all I do is cause trouble for him. If I wasn't there, Dan would be happy.