What If I Love You? (Phan)

10- Dan Flashback

6 Days Until Phil

Birds tweeting, I can hear someone humming in the kitchen.
"Phil," I call out, hoping it's not a burglar because that would be pretty bad.
"No, Dan wait!" He pleads, wow what was Phil doing? He wouldn't be watching anything, would he? He sounds like he doesn't want me to see something...
"Phil," I begin, "you're not watching porn are you?" I call unsure and all I can hear is a hysterical Phil.
"Really Dan!" I walk in and I gasp.

Scattered around the room are pastel coloured balloons and banners with happy birthday written on them.
"Phil, oh my god," I mumble, still in a little bit of shock.
"Do you like the porn?" Phil giggles and, out of context, if anyone heard that it would be hard to convince them that Phan isn't real. Isn't real. Is not real. Nopity nope. No siree, Phil and I are not a thing.

"For breakfast we have," Phil begins but I cut in,
"Delia frigging Smith pancakes!" I exclaim, hugging Phil before sitting down. Dishing up, Phil brings over my food but goes back to the kitchen.
"But, babe," I whisper before realising what I said. I don't think he heard.
"Don't make me close one more door!" I hear him singing a bit of Whitney out there so I join in,
"I don't wanna hurt anymore!" He gives me a cheeky smile before carrying on with something.
"Phil?" I call,
"Dan,"
"Phil,"
"Dan," And this continues until I have enough,
"Can we take a picture together?" I ask, unsure for the second time in the space of an hour.
"Sure," He comes bounding into the room, smile plastered on his pretty face.
"Smile," I say, holding out my phone. I press the button and Phil taps on the picture icon to view it. I'm smiling with my arm around Phil while he is also smiling but slightly resting his head on my shoulder. #phan bitches I jokingly caption it on Twitter but delete it before Phil can see. Instead I caption it: this man has changed my life and he still makes me smile :) it's me obvs jk :P.

"You done?" I nod and Phil takes away my empty plate.
"Look at you, practically a housewife!" I joke and he puts on a Marge Simpson voice "Homie," I burp before going to get dressed.

Hmm let's see black, black and a little more black are my colour choices for today. I decide on some tight black skinny jeans and I can't choose what top. Shirtless, I walk into Phil's room with my leather top in my hand.
"This shirt?" I joke as he raises an eyebrow.
"Bruh no! I bought you a special shirt, just for today," Phil holds out a blue box, handing it to me. Taking it, I head back to my room to open it. Oh my god. It's a soft black shirt with blue rolled up bits on the sleeves and on the top of the pocket. It's amazing. Pulling it on, I run back to Phil.
"Phil, I love it!" I exclaim, hugging him tight and that's when I realise he's about to take off his pj pants.
"Oh sorry!" I cringe, running out as fast as I ran in.

Right now, I'm lying in the cringe ball position, just dying of embarrassment. Why didn't I see he was getting changed? I keep crying in my head when I feel something on my shoulder.
"Dan it's okay," A soothing voice tells me. Looking up it's Phil.
"Imsoreallysorry," I blurt out.
"It's okay now we're going out," He pulls me up and we head to his car.
"Wait, coats!" I grab my black parka and Phil's amazing Galaxy coat.
"Check, lets go!" We skip out the door.

"Music music music!" Phil laughs as I turn on the radio- no time for a CD.
"I'm excited," I beam at him,
"I can tell," He mumbles and I probably wasn't meant to hear it. Whoopsie daisie! The song is Little Things by 1D and I can't help but feel like something is there, I can feel it. It's just the way I can feel his gaze when my back is turned, the way he smiles a little brighter when I beam back. We pull into a parking spot at a quaint little cafe and head inside.

We sit at a table of four and I look at Phil, puzzled.
"Dan, I know this is your day but my big gift is a secret I've carried with me for a year or two now. So I think the whole of the internet knows that I'm bi but, I'm not. The truth is, I think I'm gay." His eyes are tearing up so I embrace him,
"Phil, I still love you because you're still Phil," I mumble to him, rubbing circles into his back.
"Really?"
"Really,"
"Maybe really can be our always," Phil mocks The Fault In Our Stars yet all I can do is smile. I have a chance.

"What are you having?" I ask Phil because I'm a nosy person,
"Okay Mr Nosy, I'm having the gourmet burger," He smiles,
"Well that's what I'm having," I grin at him. We keep grinning like fools until the waiter comes over.
"What would you like to order?"
"Well I'm having a gourmet burger and this one also wants one," I boop Phil's nose ( like press it with my finger,) and he giggles at my behaviour.
"Coming right up, sir," I nod all sophisticated but gasp when Phil blows a raspberry at me.
"Rude," I laugh at him,
"Nosy," He giggles back,
"Giggler," I stick my tongue out,
"It's a manly giggle," He crosses his arms,
"I know Phil," His hand is laying across the table, almost longing to be held.

What if I'm not imagining it? All the gazes, the lip biting, the grins. What if it's real? I mean Phil just came out to me so maybe I have a chance. I know he gazes at me when I'm not looking but c'mon I'm Heart Eyes Howell, I know these things. I know that we lock eyes and hold it longer than friends The way we are is more than friends but why are we only friends? I want more but I'm scared if I reach out, I lose it all...