What If I Love You? (Phan)

4-Dan

12 days to Phil

Yesterday was uneventful. I got up, ate, had Internet time, ate again then went to bed. I was meant to make a video though.

"Carrie," I call out into the living room,

"Yeah Dan," Carrie has been staying in the spare room and plans to until Phil gets back. She cares so much,

"Will you be in my video?" I cross my fingers, hoping she'll agree,

"Sure! What are we doing?" Carrie comes bounding into my room where I have all my equipment ready.

"Okay I was thinking we make a 'How Far We've Come' video or something like that," I shrug, now I've said it out loud it sounds stupid.

"Dan, that's a great idea. We need to get resources though," We sit on my bed, writing down what we need for this video and before we know it, the two of us are ready to go buy them.

"Costume shop first?" I nod and we head out.

"Okay we need a wig that looks like this, do you have any?" Carrie holds up a picture of me when I first started YouTube,

"And a orange wig please," We need that for Carrie's character.

"Yes, I'll go get them and that'll be £16 for the both of them," The shop assistant smiles before heading to the back of the shop. Carrie picks up a pair of black glasses but puts them back down. The shopkeeper returns with our items which I pay for before leaving. We rush home so we can get started.

After a whole day of filming, I find a tweet from my old friend, Mae.

@maeee @Danisnotonfire I miss you. scrap that I need u. please.

Instantly I call her, hoping for a response.

"Mae?" I call,

"Dan its you," She breathes,

"Mae tell me what's up," When we were in high school, Mae was another outsider, 'a suicidal emo' according to everyone's labels.

"Dan I'm sorry. Look I've tried but every day when everyone just hates you, you can't do it. I need you to know I love you as a friend and you were my light but now it's time to turn it off," And then she hangs up. I dial the ambulance and tell them where to find her but I know it's too late. I break down in heavy sobs, hoping that they'll find her, that the paramedics will save her. Carrie has gone to dinner with her brother, Tom so no one can hear me cry. Looking at my laptop, Phil is skyping me. I click the green phone before trying to wipe away my tears.

"Dan, what's wrong?" Phil asks and I realise I didn't dry my eyes fast enough.

"Mae!" I wail, instantly Phils eyes flash with recognition.

"Oh my god, Dan," A new set off tears hit me, almost drowning out the sound of my phone ringing.

"He- hello?" I stutter out,

"Is this Mr Howell?" A deep male voice answers,

"Yes who is this?" I keep my voice as steady as possible,

"I'm Chase, and I'm part of the paramedic team who you called about Mae. She left a note. It reads: If you find me its all over. I'll finally be happy but please make sure Daniel James Howell is okay. Make sure he follows his dreams and in the end he needs to marry Phil because Phan is OTP," He reads and my mind is full of memories of the girl who was here.

"She's gone isn't she?" I burst out, not being able to take the tension.

"I'm sorry, she overdosed just before you called," The tears drip down and the realisation that Mae is gone hits me. Mae is gone. She won't come back to me.

"Dan," Phil's voice brings me back to reality,

"She's, she's gone!" I yell to no one in particular,

"Dan, I wish I was there to help you," Is that meant to help? I know he's not here,

"I know that you're not here, do I really need reminding?" I snap at him,

"Dan, don't," Phil pleads but I just end the call. I don't want to talk to him. I want Mae.

Hours pass and the sky changes to a dark blue. Grabbing a random coat, I pick up my keys before running out of the house. Looking at my coat, I realise it's Phil's space coat he forgot to bring. I snap a picture of me smiling in it and upload it to Twitter and Instagram with the caption : Missing @amazingphil and I'm sorry :/

I deliberated over putting a kiss and to hell with the Phan shippers, I'm putting a kiss. Walking around, I realise the sky has gone dark now so I need to head back to the flat. Passing a coffee shop, I decide to pop in.

"Can I have a umm latte?" I choose at random, even though I know my order off by heart.

"Okay, that'll be coming right up sir," the perky waitress tells me after I pay. Sitting down, I plug in my headphones and listen to Fall Out Boy until my hot drink arrives. Sipping it, I think of my prom, the weekend after I told Phil school was over.

"Mae you look incredible!" Her black dress is floor length and simple but I love it,

"As do you Mr Howell," I twirl in my black suit before linking arms with her,

"Are you ready to get in our limo?" I laugh but when I look outside I gasp.

"We have a limo!" I scream at her, we run over to it. Climbing in, the driver says it was booked by an anonymous person, probably my parents then. A bottle of champagne is stored so I pour myself and Mae a glass each.

"Mm lovely," We both laugh at Mae's reaction and talk about things before linking hands.

"Dan I mean this but I love you. Not in that way but in a you've always been there way," Mae admits to me,

"Mae I've loved you since the day I met you but 'No Friends Howell' really does have a friend ," I laugh at my use of the bullies name for me. The driver pulls up in front of our school and I instinctively take a deep breath before walking in, hand in hand with Mae.

We've been dancing to all the fast songs but a teacher takes the mic to announce the prom king and queen. If I get queen like Kurt in Glee, I will not be happy.

"Prom king goes to..." Probably Jack Harries, he is the most popular,

"Daniel Howell!" Walking up I grab the mic,

"Haha funny joke, now announce the real king," I try to walk back down but Jack Harries has run up and grabs me by the shoulder.

"Dan, you've had one of the toughest times and you deserve it." Everyone cheers for him and I reluctantly accept the crown. A girl with bleached hair is voted queen but scrambles back down, not wanting to dance with me.

"And now it's time for the first dance so if you make a space, our king needs to go over there," Miss rambles on but I slowly walk over there only to see Phil.

"Phil?" I ask, shocked.

"Yep it's me Dan," He smiles and I hug him, ignoring all the awhs.

From there on, our friendship only grew but that was the first time I felt he was there for me in person. Leaving a tip on the table, I walk back home, almost in pitch black. Across the streets I can see Carrie about to go in the building, I call to her ; she doesn't hear me. Running over, a car comes zooming down the road. As a scream escapes my mouth, Carrie whips round but it's too late. All I can think is another stupid what if, this time in the shape of 'What if he can't be here for you this time?'