What If I Love You? (Phan)

2 Dan

14 Days Until Phil

"Dan, do you want any pancakes? PJ and Chris are coming round today so get ready soon," Carrie's voice wakes me up from my deep slumber.
"Oh umm yes please Carrie and I'll hop in the shower now," On my way to the bathroom, I pick up a clean pair of boxers and a large white fluffy towel. Switching on the shower, I shampoo and condition my dark hair, making sure not to get it in my eyes. I wash then wrap the towel around myself. Drying myself enough, I slip on the boxers, wrap the towel around again so I can walk into the kitchen. The delicious aroma of pancakes fills the room and I smile at Carrie. She smiles back before handing me a plate of pancakes with strawberries on top.
"Mmm Carrie, this looks amazing!" I sniff them and die because they're just so good!
"Thank you Dan, now eat and get cleaned up, yeah?" I sit down and snarf the food down so I can head to my room. Grabbing my phone, I open up Twitter to see Phil's account. He's tweeted two times,
@Amazingphil On my way to the airport already missing @Danisnotonfire:)
And one from before he got on the plane,
@amazingphil wish he'd waited to hear me and maybe we could be together but no he told me its a mistake. Thanks
Is that about me? If it is then I told him but he didn't listen. But maybe he's right. It is my fault, isn't it. I'm a bad person. I pull out a little black box and retrieve the little note. My only 'friend' Mae Rivers wrote me a little note if I ever felt this way. She was suicidal, you see but she didn't want me to turn out like her. We were a hot mess back then but we still are. Some things never change. But I skyped her two weeks ago and Mae told me she's okay so when I confided in her about my Phil feelings, first she fangirled before telling me to go for it. She was smiling and, reading her words, I feel a little better just looking at her smart handwriting. I miss her so much because we made it through everything together. It was us against the world and this letter slowly helps me feel normal again. Her voice is reading the words to me, her arms cradling me.She hugs me tightly and whispers into my ear, "I'm here for you,"

When I can hear Carrie go to the living room, I look through my pile of clothes for some black skinny jeans. I then find a black top and leather jacket then I'm ready to go. In the corner, my laptop stares me, almost saying YouTube. Obeying it's commands I log onto my channel to see a video from It'sWayPastMyBedtime named Dedicated To Dan. Clicking on it, I end up with tears streaming down my face. She mentions that I'm having a bad time but she's so proud of how far I've come. I had barely any friends until I was 18 and now I have so many friends. At the end, she asks everyone to make a video 'Dedicated To Dan' and already I can see some replies.Two unlikely responses shock as the Sugg siblings , (freakin Zoella and ThatcherJoe!) have both made videos, Zoe's 'Dan,I Miss You,' and Joe's is titled 'Dedicated To The One And Only Dan,'.I watch both and Zoe says that I'm inspirational person while Joe tells people out on the streets to subscribe to Dan and when he finds a Danasaur, he gives them a hug before asking to draw cat whiskers on their face. Oh my God, this is literally amazing! Refreshing my screen a new video comes up and I exclaim. Tyler Oakley has joined in with the videos! His is called DanISonfire, and when I watch, I'm crying and laughing.

Running out to the kitchen, I give Carrie one of the biggest hugs in the world. She laughs before grabbing her laptop and showing me a video. It's Phil's latest video, So Let Me Explain... and I'm scared to watch it. Is he going to tell everyone about my stupid confession? "Dan, calm down, it's all going to be okay," Carrie tells me so I sit, waiting for her to play it. "Hi guys," he starts," So I'm guessing most of you have seen these two tweets and wondered what's going on," He shows what tweets on screen, " And before you ask, I can't call Dan in to help explain, because I'm in LA!" He wanted me to help?
"Okay so someone told me about how they feel and sorry everyone who doesn't ship us but I do really like him. He's so beautiful, it's not real and he just makes me smile but that's not the point. I was shocked by the fact that he feels the same way and I guess I was silent for too long because he tells me he's sorry and it was a mistake. I just hope if he sees this then, hi you. I don't want us to be a mistake, I want us to be happy. I'm sorry," Turning to look at Carrie, I hear a knock at the door so I open it to find two of my best friends. Pj Liguori and Chris Kendall Aka Kickthepj and Crabstickz. I hug them both, overjoyed to see them. One of our most memorable moments together has to be our Twister video.

"Dan, left hand, blue," Moving myself over to blue, I place my left hand over Phil so I can get to blue. I almost slip but Phil puffs out his chest, almost hoping to support me.

What if he's always been able to support me? The thought runs in my head and memories come rushing back to me, one from years ago.

"Pick up, pick up," I mutter as I look at my computer screen. I'm skyping my new internet friend, Phil because I need to talk to him. He's my only friend and it was my last day at school, my last day with all the bullies. Ringing, ringing and, yes he's answered.
"Dan, hi!" I think he's sat in his dining room,
"Phil, it was my last day with all the bullies. Its over," I tell him, even if I know it's not the truth.
"Dan, do you want to come to Manchester? You don't have to move yet, just visit," I hoped he would ask, I want to meet the man who helped me,
"Yes! Saturday?" I've already bought my ticket, say yes,
"Yes, that's great!" He smiles and we talk about everything.

That Saturday, I spent the whole day with him and his hugs were as great as I imagined. I could never dream that I would get to hug him nearly every day, let alone live with him. I remember when I was on the train home, I cried. I cried because I finally met Phil, I cried because he was so perfect and I cried because I had to leave him.

The day I made a YouTube channel was all due to Phil. My success is all down to him and sure, I could've made on my own but Phil was like my stepping stones. He's supported me from day one and my success is all down to the man I love.