Scared Of Healing

Terrified

I have finally managed to get Ellie relaxed and Ash has left to do other stuff. We aren't panicking about anything at the moment, we are just waiting for results. I decide that there is no time like the present and that I should try to look at her nose. 

I walk into Ellie's room and see her, off in her own little world, "feeling ok Ellie?" I ask as I enter. She is taken out of her thoughts and looks to me before nodding, with a half-hearted smile. "Ok sunshine, I wanted to try to have a look at your nose, do you think you can let me do that?" I ask making her immediately shake her head. I sigh and make my way to sit on the end of her bed, "I need to get a full picture of what's going on sunshine, I promise to be quick" I try to persuade her but she just continues to shake her head. Honestly, I probably wouldn't be pushing as hard if she wasn't fighting it so much, but her attitude towards me checking her nose is so different to how she has handled everything else, making me suspicious that there is something going on. "Ellie, I just want to help you, please let me help you" I plead, but she continues shaking her head. I sigh and decide that I am going to have to get some reinforcements.

I walk out of the room and find Luke and Baker. "Ok guys, this isn't going to be easy but I really need to have a look in her nose. She seems really apprehensive about it, making me suspicious that there is something going on. I'm gonna need you both to help me keep her calm but unless you can see that she is comfortable, do not touch her." I say, knowing that this really is going to be difficult and most likely upsetting for her. Luke nods, acknowledging what I have said, then we both look to Baker, waiting for his acknowledgment. After a few seconds, he seems to come back to earth as we stare at him. This makes me feel the need to reiterate to him, "unless you can see that she is comfortable, do not touch her" I emphasise, "yeah, yeah, no problem" he says before we all walk together to Ellie's room.

"Hey sunshine!" I say enthusiastically as we enter Ellie's room. She looks at me nervously, "I have brought Luke and Josh to help me, is that alright?" I ask and she just silently looks down to her hands in her lap. Luke looks to Ellie sympathetically before moving to sit on the end of her bed. Baker makes his way to a wall and leans on it to watch - this seems to be his go to position when he doesn't know what to do with himself - while I take a stool next to my patient and look at her, "I'm sorry sweetie, but I really do need to have a look,  I promise to be really gentle" I say sadly, looking at her apologetically. She shakes her head again, so Luke steps in, "honey, we're gonna do this now alright, just try to relax for us, it'll only take a few seconds" he says and I grab my otoscope. I roll closer to her and I can sense her breathing picking up, "you're ok sunshine, just tilt your head back a bit" I say softly as I carefully pinch her chin between my thumb and forefinger, gently tilting her head back. Ellie whimpers anxiously and brings her hands up to move mine but Luke takes them carefully, "you're alright sweetie" he encourages as I get a quick look. I glance back at Luke worriedly before continuing to look as she whimpers, "you're doing so well sunshine, take nice deep breaths through your mouth for me" I encourage as I look further. She tries to jerk her head away and I hear Baker attempt to stifle a groan of annoyance at her anxiety, "sorry hon, sorry, I'm just going to check the other side, then I'm all done for the minute" I apologise before looking in her other nostril as she continues to complain quietly, reiterating her uncomfortableness.

Her nose is so inflamed and there are quite a few, really irritated, polyps. "Sorry I had to do that sunshine, have you been having issues with your nose?" I ask to which she nods, "for a long time?" I ask sadly, prompting another nod, "ok lovely, I'll try my best to leave your nose alone, but I do want to try to make that feel a bit better for you" I say sympathetically but Ellie doesn't respond. "Alrighty honey, we have a few more things to do, then I can let you have a little rest, does that sound alright?" I ask carefully. My patient just nods, knowing that there is little to no point in protesting, "alright sunshine, I'll be back in a minute" I say, getting up to leave, Baker and Luke following close behind.