Scared Of Healing

The Plan

I don't know what to do. She has just dropped this bombshell. 4 letters and she has sent me into a spiral. C...F...R...D...

Cystic Fibrosis Related Diabetes

She not only has Diabetes, but she has Cystic Fibrosis. Things start to click in my head... she wouldn't eat because she can't digest fat without her enzymes... it would just make her more sick. She has a pneumonia because she would have such weak and susceptible lungs. She's probably getting dizzy from the lack of sodium and fluids that her body wouldn't be using properly anyway. The scars on her arms would be from when she has gotten sick and needed longer term IVAB. Her nose is so inflamed because she probably gets sinus infections constantly. She is so weak because her blood sugar is so low. If she has gone even a few days without her medications, she is bound to be very unwell. Everything is starting to make sense.

"Ok honey, if I got you some creon, would you be willing to eat some fattier foods?" I ask her and she nods, "ok sunshine, what strength enzymes are you on?" I ask, so I can get her the correct medication, "10 000" she answers quietly. "How many grams per tablet hon?" I ask, knowing that it is crucial to get her levels right so it doesn't make her even more unwell, "6" she answers simply. She really has gotten a lot more comfortable talking to me over our short time together and I am really proud of her - even if it is only 3 words at a time.

"Alright sunshine, I'm gonna go get you some food, and we can work out a plan together while you eat. Does that sound alright?" I propose. Ellie nods, "ok sweetie, I'll be back soon" I say before leaving the room and making my way to the closest computer. I quickly update her file with this new information before charting her creon.

I make my way down to the cafe, grabbing a lamington, a banana, a ham, cheese and tomato sandwich and an apple juice. I just hope she will be alright eating these. I start making my way back to the elevators so I can go upstairs when I feel someone nudge me. It's Crystal, with Luke and Ash behind her. I smile at them and they focus their attention on the food in my hands. "Ellie opened up a bit" I inform them. Wide smiles quickly form on all of their faces before my next sentence ruins it, "she's got CFRD" I say. All their faces drop, "jesus this girl's been given a tough go" Ash sighs. He's the only other person who knows about the rape as well. I sigh, nodding before the doors of the lift open and we all hop in. We all press the buttons to our respective floors and Crystal and I make our way to the adolescent ward. Crystal goes to get ready for handover and I go to the store room to grab a bottle of creon 10 000 before making my way straight to Ellie with the food.

"Hey Ellie, sweetheart, I've got you a sandwich, a banana, a lamington and some juice, pick what you like hon" I say, placing the objects on her table and wheeling it closer to her. Ellie starts picking at the food, pulling the slices of tomato out of the sandwich. She eats about a quarter of the - now tomatoless - sandwich and a few bites of the lamington. She has a few sips of the juice but ultimately doesn't seem hungry. "Is that all you can do honey?" I ask pleadingly, taking one pill out of the bottle and placing it on the wrapper of her sandwich so she can take it. "I'm full" she mumbles, picking up the tablet and swallowing it without any water or juice. "Sunshine, if that's all you're gonna eat, we don't really have a choice other than a feeding tube" I sigh. She looks to me nervously, shaking her head. "Crystal will be here in a few minutes and we can see what she thinks, how about that?" I suggest, knowing that Crystal will agree with me but also knowing that Ellie needs to hear it from someone else. She nods in agreement before taking another tiny bite of her sandwich. 

I notice that she is only using her right hand for everything and that her left has stayed hidden under her blankets. "Is your hand feeling ok sunshine?" I ask carefully. Ellie just shakes her head, "can I have a look at it?" I ask, slowly presenting my hand so she can place hers in mine. Her hand slowly makes its way into mine and I see that the insertion site of the cannula is really red and is starting to get swollen. "It looks like this one might have to come out sweetheart" I say, immediately receiving a nervous shake of the head. I know now that when I get a head shake, we need to give the conversation a rest, so I do. "Ok Elle, I might just get you an ice pack, just to make it feel a bit better then" I say and Ellie nods. I get up off my stool and make my way out of the room to the supply room, grabbing a cold pack. I grab a sleeve for it and as I get back to the room, I pop the inside to activate the cooling, spreading it out through the bag before putting it into the sleeve and sitting back on my stool, giving it to my patient. "There you go sweetie, 15 minutes on, then 15 minutes off. Let Crystal know when you need a new one" I say. 

Eventually, Crystal comes in with Ellie's morning nurse for handover. "Hey sunshine, I'm back" my wife smiles as she skips into the room before being given the update. She looks upset when she is told about the NG incident and stays when the other nurse leaves the room. "Sorry those nurses tried to give you a feeding tube honey, I know you're not ready for that" she says sadly as she comes to sit with me. "Do you know who ordered it?" she mumbles to me quietly. I just shrug. My wife immediately stands back up and walks over to the computer in the room, quickly tapping away on the keys, clicking her tongue as she looks to the monitor. She finds what she's looking for and looks back to me angrily... "Baker..." she mumbles furiously. "Baker ordered the NG?" I ask, spellbound. Crystal nods leading me to bring my hands up to my face in frustration, "that boy is so close to losing his internship, I'm not even kidding" I say, trying to contain my anger.

I get paged to the ED before I can ask Ellie any more questions so as I walk out of the room, I grab Crystal, "please try to keep her eating, I'll come back up if I can but no NG unless I'm in the room" I say, receiving a nod from my wife before I make my way down to the ED. 

There is a kid who's cannula has blown and his mother is freaking out and demanding a doctor. I walk into their bay to see a boy, about 10, looking at his arm and screaming. And I see his mother hurling abuse at the nursing staff for something that wasn't their fault. I take charge of the situation, "ma'am, I need you to calm down and let us do our jobs, that is the only way we can help your son" I start off, getting her to sit down. I send most of the nurses out of the room, keeping Maggie with me, knowing that she can handle the situation. I then focus my attention to the boy, "alright sweetheart, my name is Mikey, can you tell me yours?" I introduce, gently taking his chin and lifting it for him to look from his deformed arm to looking at me. "B-Ben" he whimpers, "alright Ben, I want you to keep your eyes on me and tell me what year you are in at school" I say, distracting him while Maggie removes the cannula. We have a nice conversation before Maggie has finished removing it and is gently holding a cotton ball over the puncture wound. "Alright bud, we're gonna get you an ice pack because that looks a bit sore" I say, looking at the bubble of saline that has formed under his skin... "Mags, that's just saline flush... right?" I check, praying that that is all it is, "yes Dr Clifford, that is just saline" she confirms, looking to the bubble as well. I take the cotton ball from her and allow her to leave the room to grab a cold pack.