Fire On Fire

Chapter 61 - Fire On Fire

It was never meant to be, but we were meant to be together

I know the fights never end, but we were meant to fight for one another

I know it feels like we lost, but we were meant to find each other.

Together it feels like a heart attack, but without you, it feels no better.

..............For the battle is between what we know, and what we feel....and Only you and i know the difference.

*****

As Ella speaks, refusing to let me get a word in, I watch her face contort as she expresses different emotions, her big brown eyes widening and narrowing with every emotion, her nose, red and crinkling at the action, and her voice lowering and then rising to stress her every point, before it quivers and almost breaks with the intensity of her emotions.

She licks her bottom lip occasionally, which gives away the fact that her mouth is probably dry from her nervousness, despite the brave and valiant demeanor she wants to put up.

I take a deep breath as i listen to her.

She is standing so close, that i can easily touch her, pull her close, or do something, anything to shut her up, so i can speak too.

But she continues to speak, the weight of her words, sinking deep into my heart.

My eyes go to the spot on the side of her forehead where she hit her head against the edge of the conference table the other day when she fainted. She had a small band aid on that bruise when i went to see her. It made her seem so physically hurt and fragile, and that image stayed with me long after i left, especially after Carmen went off on me for choosing the moment immediately after she woke up, to argue with her....but now, the band is no longer there, but there is still abit of redness there, evidence that the accident actually happened.

It feels like ages since that day, in fact, since we have been this close altogether in any way, when in fact, it's only been a couple of days.

She is so emotional right now, yet so determined in her mission to be heard, telling me what i have already been thinking about for the past few days on my own.

"Enough...you have made your point." I mutter, not wanting to hear anymore. I move closer and holding her gaze, but she continues talking.

I exhale....letting the reality of our current circumstances sink into my head once again.

What the fuck are we doing?

We went from fighting for each other, to fighting one another.

This is the one woman who has dominated my every thought in a way no one else ever has, from the moment i met her, even up to this day......and yet here we are, so close that i only have to stretch my hand to touch her, yet so out of each others reach.

How could we taken something so special, so unique, and turn it into...... whatever this is?

She continues to speak with her chin raised up, then she tilts her head to the side, her eyes glisten with moisture, as her shoulder going up and down.

Her eyes, my favorite feature of hers, have always been the gate way to her every emotion. They always say what her mouth is not willing to say out loud. I don't have to look very far to see the love that is still there in her eyes, in her tone and her expressions, and despite everything, once i looked past the hurt of being sidelined, being discarded and cast aside during one of the most challenging periods of her life, without much regard for my own feelings, i never doubted it.