Back In Time

First Full Moon

Five days. Or. Nights. I should say. Five nights. That's how long the nightmares lasted. Five nights. In a row. As soon as I fell asleep. I was there. In the Forest. On that night. I tried not falling asleep. Trying to keep me up. But it never worked. Never. It always came. For five nights. I wish they would stop. I really do. I hate them. Hate them. I needed them to go away. I hated how I felt after. I felt. I felt. I don't even know how I felt. I wanted nobody to see me like that. But. They did. Every night. The two of them. Remus. And Sirius. They were always there. When I woke up. They comforted me. Until I had calmed down. I liked it. I really did. I just wish they didn't have to. Luckily. It was always them there. When it happened. Never when the rest of the Order was there. That, I was grateful for. I didn't want them to know. I didn't want them to worry. I don't even know if they don't know. For all I know. Sirius and Remus could have told them. But. I have a pretty good feeling they didn't. Deep down. I knew they didn't. It was bad enough they knew. I didn't want anyone else to know. No one. No one at all.

But. The nightmares were the least of my worries right now. Because. Today. Tonight. Was a full moon. My first full moon. Normally. I didn't care about full moons. I thought they were pretty. I liked looking at them. But now. They were my enemy. I would be subjected to transform into a monster. One that would crave human flesh. The thought made me sick. I didn't want that. I didn't want any of that. But. It probably won't happen tonight. It was just going to be us three in the house. Me. Remus. And Sirius. Sirius was going to have a job tonight. Keeping me. And Remus. In check. He might be ok with Remus. All those times when they were in school. And now. That they lived with each other. They knew each other. The problem. Was Me.

Who knew how I was going to behave. I knew them. But. The wolf part of me probably did not. How was I going to react to them? Another. Older. Werewolf. And a dog. At least Sirius was going to have a clear mind tonight. Remus might. But I might not. I could attack them. I could hurt them. I could accidentally kill them. I didn't want that to happen. It couldn't happen. It won't happen. But what if it does? What if I do hurt them? I could never live with myself. I didn't want to live with myself if I hurt either one of them. I couldn't be near them. I would have to get away. But. I couldn't. I couldn't just walk out of the house. This full moon was going to last for three days. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to do any of this. I wanted out. But there was none. There was no way out. No cure. No. That's a lie. There was one. But I wasn't going to do that.

Currently. We are all sitting at the kitchen table. Silent. Not talking. They sat next to each other in the middle of the table. Straight backed. Where as I. Was sitting the farthest away. On the other side of the room from the door. With my head in my arms. On the table. Trying not to think about what was gonna happen in ten minutes. We were all waiting for the right time to go into the basement. That's where we were going to be. In the basement. The door was in a nook in the kitchen. You couldn't see it from where any of us were sitting. But it was there. Out of sight. From the outside. It looked like a regular wooden door. But on the inside. It was thick metal. So that the Werewolves couldn't escape. I went into the basement the other day. Just to get a look. There were big, stone stairs leading down. Down to a room with stone walls. And a dirt floor. It wasn't too big a room. But not small either. Big enough for two wolves and a big dog. And enough room where we can stay a good distance away from each other.

Nine more minutes. We sat in silence. We had decided we would go down to the basement at five minutes till the full moon.

Eight more minutes. I was counting down the seconds. My heart beating faster with each passing minute.

Seven more minutes. Two minutes left to go till the basement.

Six more minutes. The two men couldn't sit any longer. I heard them get up from the table and walk to the basement door. I stayed where I was.