I'M OKAY

4

It had been a fortnight since Jason dropped Taylor's siblings home safely. Taylor made very little effort to talk to him but at least she replied to his questions unlike before.

"Psst...Taylor, come sit next to me," Jason called her from his seat at the front of the class. She first rejected him but later caved after getting fed up with the bullying by the red-head and his friends.  "Glad you finally agreed to come sit next to me." He said, eliciting a tiny grateful smile from her. Huge achievement? Definitely.

As time went by, Taylor begun to get more friendly with Jason but for not for long. She soon started to get distant again. Why? She did not want to be a burden on Jason who was always there to do her homework for her, pick her siblings from school and keep her company whenever she was down...which was literally all the time. She felt like she was keeping him from enjoying his life and doing what he loved. Jason noticed the changes so he tried talking to her but that did not work as Taylor pushed him away even more. She never talked to him nor to her own siblings and neither to her teachers about it. The rare smiles that were there at times went back to zero and Jason was as good as dead to her once more. She wanted him to leave her alone and go live his life not die with her but Jason never left nor did he try to. She was left with one choice. Since Jason and her now aware siblings had refused to let her drown in her misery alone, she decided to leave them instead. There was no turning back from her decision to commit suicide. At least then, she would unload them of the burden that is her, and they would live their lives happily ever after.

That looked like the best plan ever according to her so one day, she decided to take a walk in the night alone. She did not care if she were to be attacked, or kidnapped or killed as the latter would have made her work easier and the big guy upstairs would not have to punish her for committing suicide.

She walked slowly as tears rolled down her face and she did not even notice when it begun to rain. She just kept moving...and moving until she reached an unfinished building where she sat down to take a rest, breathing hard with her clothing dripping-wet. She had no hope left in her, not even a tiny bit. She had no dreams, no life to enjoy, no friends---not that she wanted any--- no parents because she killed them. The last part evoked a guttural cry from deep within her as she wept over the fact that she is a murderer. No one could change her mind about that even if they tried. She cried until she begun to hyperventilate. She needed to get this done once and for all. Maybe then she would meet her parents somewhere and apologise to them for killing them. That sounded just right to her so she pulled out her pocket knife that had become her other half as she could not go anywhere without it. She pulled up the sleeves of her sweatshirt just as she did every other time and begun doing the only thing she considered herself good at.

She begun to cut herself but this time, they were not shallow cuts like the previous ones. This time was different. She made deep and painful cuts on her skin which made her shout in agony but she kept going. She thought that she deserved it. She needed to leave as soon as possible so she went ahead to cut her thighs while sobbing. Her blood was oozing out continuously but she was oblivious to it. With time, she begun to feel so dizzy to a point that she could not even feel the vibrating phone in her pocket. The drowsiness intensified until she became unconscious...passed out.