Looking For Love (NAMSEOK FF)

1

"I want someone very submissive," Said the cocky-looking guy. Giving me a hell lot of red flags. "You know the kind who will be like a stay-at-home mom, cooking cleaning, etc, Not going outside working career types", Ugh this stupid opened his mouth again. "What is wrong with working outside? What is wrong with having a career?" said Namjoon with a resting bitch face.

"I am a conservative guy and I like to follow traditional family structure", said the guy. "We are gays so this "traditional family structure" ship has sailed long ago for us", Namjoon said with a pinch of sarcasm in his voice. "No, What I am saying is that I want someone submissive, like a woman". Now, this is where Namjoon lost it. "Dude what you are saying is called internalized misogyny. You are nothing but a sexist idiot. And women are not inherently submissive, you dumb ass! You know what fuck you!" 

Namjoon Pov

I stood and slapped 40 dollars on the table to cover my food and stormed off the cafe. The waiting staff looked at me confused, they did not understand what the heck just happened. I stormed toward the parking lot and started my car.

Ugh, why do I listen to my noona and go out for dates anyway, fucking waste of a good summer evening! I want to find love so badly that I always end up with stupid men who only play me. Love is not real. AGGGGGHHHH! I am so angry that I want to bite my own hand.

"Hey, baby bro! wassup! Bad mood? how was the date?" My noona was sitting with a bucket full of popcorn on the couch, watching Netflix. "Not only bad but horrible" I slumped next to my older sister and started chugging popcorns. "Come on Joonie, Tell me what happened there."

"Well, the stupid bitch thinks women are born submissive. And he wants a homely submissive wife". "Eww sounds sexist and awful", said Noona. Maybe I am the loser noona, that's why Jackson dumped me, he found someone better than me and I am going to die single.

"Jackson was a fucking loser, Joonie. It's his loss that he lost you. I promise cheating on you will be his greatest regret ever!" said noona. And I agree with her he was a jackass who cheated on me countless times, fucking stole my money, and then tried to gaslight me into thinking that everything was my fault somehow.

But he was my first love, my first everything. I miss him but mostly I miss us, memories haunt me every night. We went to middle school together, then high school and college, and after college, we got married.

I never knew love if it's not Jackson. We built a life together here, even though I got research offers from the USA countless times, even though S.Korea is still tough for gay couples. I was his biggest fan and cheerleader, I did my best to help him and together we made his business successful.

We bought our dream apartment, and dream cars, we even planned to adopt a baby together. I got a chance to do a Ph.D. at SNU. Everything was happening just like I have always dreamt of. 

My dreams were shattered when I got to know that he never was loyal to me. He literally dared to fuck his new guy in our shared bedroom in our bed when I went to see my Halmuni on her deathbed. Even though it was our shared house I couldn't stay there anymore, those walls weren't my home anymore so I shifted with noona.