Looking For Love (NAMSEOK FF)

2

Namjoon POV

My heart was broken and I don't think I can ever fall in love with anyone. I have given him 18 years of my life, my soul, my unconditional trust and he threw it all away. And after all this Jackson had the audacity to call me after one year to try to get back with me.

I was ready to be married forever. I am committed and I am loyal in relationships. I am 28 and enough to lead a successful life.

I just wanted to share my life with someone. Since I was a kid I dreamt about a big fat wedding, being a husband, and did. My noona was always very anti-marriage. Noona is 32 years old and a very successful doctor at such a young age.

She has always been my hero. She's a hero for other people too, she saves people night and day. And this time she's trying to save me again.

 The truth is I need to save myself, nobody saves anybody. I am a Ph.D. scholar at SNU, and very soon I will become a professor in the sociology dept. This is a very prestigious post that other people will die to have. Becoming a professor has always been my dream and I was smart since I was a kid so it was a given.

I make enough money to live on my own but I don't like living alone. Since our parents got divorced noona has been like my mom and my best friend so I feel lost without her. Especially when my life is in so much shit I need to be near her.

On the other hand, noona has always been a loner, she thrives alone. She lived in the USA for 5 years completely alone. But whenever I needed her she came running to me.

 But sometimes I feel like I am taking advantage of her kindness. I am being too dependent on her that I am keeping her from living her own life. This sense of guilt often eats me and it makes me miss Jackson more.

I have been trying to date several men for the last 1 year. All I could meet were some dumbasses or jerks. I met a few nice men but they were too scared to date publically as gay men, too afraid to come out so they gave me various excuses and left. 

"Yaaaa Joonie", screamed noona. "What?" I said annoyingly. "You need to take a break from dating. Just joined tinder or bumbl something. You need a good fuck", noona said annoyed.

Noona is always right, my sexual frustration was on the roof now. "Your forever shit is not working, change your style and get on the market bitch you are hwaat", Noona said laughing her ass off. "But noona I never had one-night stands, I am more like a dating and romantic kind of guy".

Noona smacked my head and said "Then die single! idiot." I whined, "Noona, just getting fucked? With no attachment at all? how does that even work?" Noona started laughing, "My lil bro, you are so hot that you'll get as many asses as you want to. come out of your shell baby boy. enjoy life!" I whined and said, " Who would want my ugly ass! Jackson left me for someone better".

Author's note:

I'm very new to writing fan fiction, so I hope my readers are liking this. This is a tiny chapter but the next chapters will be long powwwwmiiiissssseeeeee.