Namjoon just got cheated on by his ex-husband. Now he's meeting men who are absolutely misogynistic. Will He find true love once again or This is just the end
I paused and nodded. I felt disappointed but also kind of ecstatic. He wanted me, at least physically.
"Come up here", Hoseok motioned to the seat next to him on the couch. As I stood back up from between his legs I started to feel really awkward. I'd practically thrown myself onto his cock, face first, at the first hint of his mutual desire.
Hoseok must think I'm desperate or creepy, at the very least. "I'm sorry, I can go", I didn't know what to do. " Sit with me", he pointed to the seat next to him.
I sat down, looking at my hands in my lap, feeling sheepish. "Look at me Joonie", Hoseok's voice was soft. I turned my head and looked into those incredible brown eyes.
"I'm sorry I did that. I told you I wanted you and then I pulled the rug out from under you. I'm some kind of a jerk for doing that", Hoseok said calmly.
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I didn't have any words. I wanted to tell him I wanted him and it was alright. I wanted to apologize for who knows what.
My head was spinning between his actions and my own, I was totally confused and upset, mostly at myself. "I'm confused", I admitted my deepest concern. What was this? Was he straight or gay or what? Did he want me or it was just a moment of weakness for a friend who was helping him in his need? "God I'm so sorry", Hoseok blew out his breath and fell back into the couch cushion, his eyes squeezed out.
"Me too," I said. Hoseok was clearly starting to regret everything that had passed between us this afternoon. He looked embarrassed and angry even with his eyes still closed.
I needed to get the fuck out of there. This went wrong so fast. I stood and walked to the door as quickly as I could.
"Wait, Joon, Don't leave! Please! Come back!" Hoseok was shoving all the stuff out of his way so he could get up, but he was too slow. I bolted. I ran to my car and pulled away from the curb in record time.
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I checked the clock on the dash and tried to soothe myself with the thought that the girls would be home with Hoseok in less than an hour. I cried as I drove home. I felt like I'd tried to take advantage of him somehow.
I hadn't done anything at all, but I still felt like a bad guy. This was all my fault. I cried harder.
My phone rang but I ignored it. There wasn't anyone I wanted to talk to right now. I didn't even want to see noona.
She would tell me what an idiot I was for running away instead of just talking to him. I drove past my building and kept driving. Eventually, I ended up at a park on the other side of the city where I sat in my car and stared into space.
What the actual fuck was wrong with me? I actually knew the answer. I was terrified of being hurt again. I acted like I was ready to be in love again but I didn't think I was actually capable of letting my fears go.
I had a good marriage and a pretty great happy life but it was all a lie. My heart and brain actually refused to let me believe someone could actually want me, let alone love me. If I was loveable Jackson would have loved me.
