Looking For Love (NAMSEOK FF)

21

Namjoon POV

-"Is it dementia or Alzheimer's? what is wrong with him?"

-Sorry we are not allowed to give any medical information about the patient to unknown people.

-I'm his son Namjoon. We're estranged but I'm the one who sends his medical bills here.

- Oh sorry! I didn't know! He has alcohol-related dementia plus brain cancer.

-How was he? did he ever create any problem here?

- No. He's a pretty evenly-keeled old man.

- He used to be vicious, violent, and abusive.

- I guess old age makes people change.

Mr. Kim suddenly addressed the nurse, " Haeri! where's the dinner?" I was shocked that's my mother's name whom he killed when I was six and got away with her murder. He was about to kill me too but somehow noona called our Halmoni who lived near us and thus we were saved. When I was 12 this monster used to bring whores and fuck them on our couch.

One day a prostitute tried to sexually assault noona and I attacked her. I clawed her finger and broke a bone in it. Mr. Kim tried to shoot me and noona threw a hot pan in his hand and the revolver dropped from his hand.

 That was the second time noona saved me. We ran away and stayed for a little bit in Halmoni's house but we had to go back because we knew that the monster will otherwise harm her too. When I was 15, I tried to overdose on sleeping pills.

I was struggling with being gay and Mr. Kim was extra cruel to me all the time. Noona found me in my room. She just joined the medical school and she immediately took me to the hospital and pumped my stomach and saved my life.

At seventeen I went to Seoul and noona went to the USA for higher education. When I joined college I got a job at a library as an intern and I started to be friends with some bad people. I remember even from far away noona screamed some sense into me and saved me from those bad company.

 Meanwhile, I met Jackson and we became friends, fell in love and noona completed her education, came back, and got a nice job. Seemed like bad days were far away. But it didn't last, at least for me, we were already having trouble in our marriage.

Jackson cheated on me throughout our dating and marriage time period but I didn't find out until we were divorced! How fucking idiot I am? Noona saved my life after divorce once again. Holy shit! I needed to fix this. I needed to stop making noona save me.

 I needed to stop blaming everyone else and fix myself. When I looked at Mr. Kim I realised that the monster of my childhood was gone. He was merely a shell of a human being who was fighting with death and he couldn't hurt me anymore.

I stood and stepped right up to the edge of the bed and said, "Goodbye Mr.Kim. I'll never forget the abuse you heaped on us but I forgive you. I don't know what made you the monster that you were but I forgive you anyway. You don't have any power over me anymore".

I thought about driving by our old house but I didn't need to. I wanted to go home. I wanted to see my sister and I needed to fix things with Hoseok.

I had one more hurdle on my way to deal with first.  I came back to Seoul and took my car from the bus station parking garage.