nineteen

1

Blue's POV

I slowly open my tired eyes and squint at my cracked iPhone screen.

Fuck. My ex has been blowing up my phone again. I roll my eyes and sigh as I scroll through his endless desperate text messages.

Kaiden: Give me another chance Blue please

Kaiden: I swear i'll never hurt you again

Kaiden: I don't wanna live without u Blue.. 💙

Kaiden: UR RUINING MY LIFE STOP IGNORING ME BLUE

Kaiden: I know I fkd up Blue i'm sorry

Kaiden: FUCK YOU BITCH IF I DIE ITS UR FAULT.

I finally crack and decide to block his number. I broke up with Kaiden around 6 months ago now. He won't let it go, even though he was the most emotionally and physically abusive boyfriend imaginable. I eventually got tired of his bullshit and getting hurt so I left him and ever since he's been begging me to come back.

As if.

I'm getting my life back on track after what he put me through and the first step was to cut him off.

I yawn and stretch and roll out of bed lethargically, still somewhat drowsy from yesterdays valiums. I stumble to the bathroom and take a look at myself in the mirror.

My long brown hair was a tangled mess. Mascara brimmed my eyes making me look like a tired raccoon. I realised I had fallen asleep with my makeup on. Gross.

I shower and make myself look somewhat presentable for tonight.

Funny enough, the only friend I have out here in Cali was Kaiden's best friend. Well.. ex best friend I should say. Travis was the only person to help me out of that abusive relationship. When he saw the real Kaiden, everything he did to me, he stood by me and took my side. He protected me when no one else did. He gave me the strength to get out of there when I did.

I have a lot to thank Travis for. He pretty much saved my life, and more times than one. If Travis didn't exist i'm sure Kaiden would have killed me.. and I mean that literally.

I had been in a depressive rut ever since Kaiden. I felt so much safer being without him but I felt like I needed time to deal with the trauma after it all happened. It was like a delayed aftershock.

Travis hates seeing me this way. He wanted to drag me out to some party in LA tonight to try and cheer me up. But I know the real reason he wants to go is because there's word going around that of one of his favourite musicians going.

Some rapper called Lil Peep.

I shudder thinking about it, because he was Kaiden's favourite artist too. It's all Kaiden even listened to.

I don't even want the reminder.

But whatever, the thought of getting out of the house for the first time in about a week was nice I guess. My phone buzzes and I glance down to see a message from Travis.

Trav 💖: i'm so hyped B u better be ready

I roll my eyes but smirk, I know how excited he is and it's sweet but I feel like this is more for him than me.

I kinda owe it to him anyway, he did save my life after all.

I check the time... it's already 7, but i'm not surprised considering I slept all damn day. Travis was picking me up any minute now. I shove on my nikes and throw on an oversized jumper and run downstairs.

My father is seated at the kitchen bench eating something. He doesn't even look up when I enter the room.

"Thanks for dinner dad" I say sarcastically.

"I didn't think you were hungry. Sorry Blue, do you want some toast or something?" He says, his tall lean frame moving awkwardly.

My dad means well but he's pretty useless. That sounds horrible to say, but he's really dropped the ball as my only parent.

After my mother died when I was younger he kind of forgot I existed. He lives in his own fantasy world. He abuses drugs and goes missing for days on end.

He never noticed all those times I came home from Kaiden's bruised and bloody. He certainly hasn't noticed the depressive rut i've been in for the past few weeks and he sure hasn't noticed my developing valium dependancy. Dad of the year!

"No it's fine" I respond, sitting on the staircase waiting for Travis to arrive.

My dad won't even notice i've left, let alone does he ever ask if i'm coming home. I could runaway for a month and he wouldn't even notice. Sometimes I wish he cared about me half the amount I care about him.

He's never hurt me physically. He hasn't even hurt me emotionally on purpose. But he's broken my heart countless times, truly long before Kaiden ever had the chance.

Then he says something that shocks me. "You look just like your mother right now"

I'm surprised he even noticed I was still here. The words sadden me, but I know he meant well. My phone buzzes again.

Trav 💖: i'm outside B

Without even saying goodbye, I head out the front door. I see Travis's black Lexus parked in the driveway. I jump in the passenger seat to see a very eager Travis grinning like an 8 year old boy on Christmas morning.

"ARE YOU PUMPED!?" He practically shouts. I laugh at his childish excitement. "I don't know Trav i'm kinda nervous. Also what if Kaiden is there?" I say, popping a valium to calm my nerves.

"You gotta slow down on those Blue, especially if we're drinking tonight...you are drinking with me right?" he questions. "Yes yes, I will, happy?" I retort. He nods, still grinning.

"He won't be, I heard he was going to Josh's 21st" Travis replies to my initial question. I shrug. "Well i'm leaving if he's there" I say. "Of course Blue, and i'll follow" he says. "You know i've always got your back".

With that, we're off. Heading into the depths of LA. If i'm being honest I hated it here. I didn't really know anyone and everyone is so...different to back home. I'm taking swigs of tequila straight from the bottle as we drive to settle my anxiety and boost my confidence.

We turn up at this house, it looks exactly like what I would imagine a trap house to look like. It looks somewhat nice from the outside, kinda small but a mess on the inside. There's a huge sea of 18-25 year olds screaming lyrics and jumping aggressively to the beat of a Future song.

Red cups and drugs everywhere. I look back at Travis. He smiles. "We're gonna have fun trust me".