nineteen

31

Blue's POV

"Trav I don't know if it's a good idea" I say.

It's been a month since Peep and I broke up and i've been trying my hardest to stay away from him. I still care about him so fucking much.

Every few days I get a text from him. I won't allow myself to reply because i'll slip right back into a cycle that I can't break myself from.

I still keep in touch with his mom to make sure he's okay. That's all I allow myself to do... and it's fucking hard I can't lie.

It's been the worst month of my life, without him.

Trav keeps reminding me why I left in the first place. But I slowly keep forgetting when I wake up from dreams about his tattooed hands holding my face and his big brown eyes. His big sweet smile and his scruffy blonde hair.

"If he's there we can leave I promise" Trav responds. He wants me to come to some GBC party tonight. He says Tracy said Peep won't be there, he hasn't spoken to anyone in weeks.

My heart sinks when I think about Gus disconnected from me and all of his friends all at the same time. But I know him. When he goes through shit, he wants to be alone.

"Plus, it might be good for you, seeing some of your friends again. Take your mind off all this shit for a while and have fun" Travis adds.

I sit silently as I think. Being around all the guys will just make me think about him even more. They were his friends first. But I can tell how much this stupid party means to Travis. Trav always supports me, so its my turn to return the favour.

"Okay. Fine. But if I feel shitty and dip early you won't be mad right?" I ask just in case. I want to do my best to be strong here but I have no idea what nasty wounds this might open up for me. I cant gauge my emotions just yet.

"I promise! Even if you're there for like an hour, i'll be happy" he says. I nod. "Okay fine." I agree.

I begin doing my makeup and getting ready. I'm taking deep breaths to calm myself down. I'm already anxious as fuck. I know Peep won't be there but there whole...environment.

I haven't been in it for a minute. I do miss Tracy. And I feel bad I haven't seen him in a while. I just haven't been able to face anyone other than Travis lately.

I pop two valium to try and ease my nerves.

When my makeup is finished I get dressed and meet Trav downstairs. He's pouring henny into two short glasses. He looks up and notices me, sliding one glass across the counter towards me.

"I'm really nervous Trav" I tell him honestly. My palms were sweating and I felt nauseous.

"It's gonna be okay I promise. Like I said, we can leave whenever you want, just say the word" he reassures me. I take another deep breath, pop one more valium and shot my henny.

"Okay. I'm ready"