nineteen

26

Peep's POV

I fucked up so bad. I called my mama like 17 times this morning and just cried to her. She's prolly stressed the fuck out.

I cant shake this awful feeling that Blue would be better off without me. Like I don't deserve her.

My life is going nowhere and I don't wanna drag her down with me. I keep having panic attacks over this shit. I had to leave her asleep on the couch in the hotel. She looked peaceful and I didn't wanna wake her with my stressing.

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I cant even release this feeling in my music i've been trying. I'm just a fuck up. She deserves better.

I locked myself in our room on the bus. I need to stay away from her but I don't know if I can. I feel like I can't breathe without her.

I don't wanna fuck her up. She's too perfect. I brought her into my fucked up life and I shouldn't have. It was selfish of me. I want her too bad. But she doesn't belong here, around these drugs and strangers and all this fucked up shit.

"Peep?" I can hear Tracy calling from outside my door.

"You aight bro?"

I don't even know what to say. I've had 6 xannies and it's barely scraped the edge off my anxiety right now. I just wanna sleep and never wake up.

"Peep??" He calls out again.

I'm not even sure I can string a proper sentence together with the amount of drugs in my system right now.

"I'm fine" I call out, hoping he'll just leave me the fuck alone. Usually when I feel depressed I surround myself with as many people as possible to distract myself but this time it feels different. I want to be left the fuck alone.

"Text me if you need me aight??" He responds. I cant even muster up the words to reply again so I leave it at that.

She's better off without you.

You don't deserve her.

I can't turn my fucking thoughts off.

She's with Travis. He'll take care of her. She's better off without you.

I start sobbing until I can't breathe anymore. I'm trying not to be too loud. I can't do this without her.