nineteen

29

Tracy's POV

We ain't gonna be on the road much longer. Peep is exhausted and he seems to be struggling. I told him to take a break from touring and the bus for a while and he agreed.

He doesn't usually listen to anyone when he gets in these slumps. But for some reason, this time he heard me out.

I feel for my bro. The other week was fucked up with everything that went down, shit I was scared we nearly lost him. I feel awful for Blue, having to go through all this shit too. It must take a huge toll on her and I know she just wants to support Peep.

It must get hard though, all those times he get in his feelings and no one, no matter who they are or what they do can sort him out. It's just shit he has to deal with on his own.

I've kinda learnt to just give him space when he needs it, as long as he knows i'm here when he needs me. There's only so much I understand when it comes to his mental.

Last night was fucked up though.

I could tell Peep was slipping again cuz he'd been acting all quiet and shit again. We have really fucking good days, and really fucking ass ones too.

The shit days had been more on the regular as of the last week. Something musta been bothering him heavy. He told me the guilt of dragging Blue down with him eats him up bad.

But it's a catch 22 for my boy cuz he doesn't know how to straighten out. Before a show last night Blue was tryna keep him sober enough to perform. He locked himself in a bathroom and took hella pills and when he finally came out he was fucked all the way up.

Poor Blue could barely watch. I caught her crying in the backstage hallway. She tried to play it off but I noticed. I tried to comfort her but I know it's not the same. I just wish my dawg would pull his shit together, for her.

Peep went on stage and could barely speak english let along sing. We nearly had to call the show off halfway through but he ended up getting into his zone again and pulled that shit off by the skin of his teeth.

When he finished he got even more fucked up and Blue went to bed. She couldn't handle it any longer. She told me she can't live without him but living with him is killing her. That's fucked yo.

I try keep shit low key. But the people that surround Peep take advantage of him heavy. They enable this shit. They don't care about him the way we do. The don't see the shit he has to go through. They just wanna party and get fucked up.

After seeing B alone in that hallway trying to pull herself together I couldn't take it. She looked so fuckin broken. I had to tell him to stop the tour, take a break, come home. I know he wants to get better and this is doing the opposite.

Usually i'm not one to judge or get soppy and emotional. I usually just wanna turn up, same as the rest of us. But this ain't working.

When I was in bed last night I heard Peep and Blue shouting at eachother. It sounded like they broke up. I hope they feel different in the morning. I think a break from all this shit will work it all out in time.