nineteen

15

Blue's POV

It was the first time I had been home in weeks. I pretty much live with Peep now. I haven't really felt the need to go home. My house hasn't felt like a home since well before my mom died. You can thank my dad for that.

I had to go pick up some more of my stuff. Dad was sitting in the lounge, surprisingly. He looked off his fucking face. Nice.

"Blue?" he stammers. I turn towards his direction. It's dark in here. The blinds are closed and there's cigarette butts all over the coffee table. Gross.

"What" I reply coldly. He hasn't bothered to message let alone call me once since i've been gone. "I haven't seen you in a while is all..what's with the attitude anyway" he replies, clearly pissed off by my tone. I roll my eyes. "Not like you care".

I head up the stairs. He doesn't even bother to reply. I grab my shit and head back towards the front door. As I grab the handle I hear my father's voice again.

"Who's Lil Peep?" he asks. What the fuck?

"Huh?" I say, taken by surprise. How the fuck does he know about Gus? "You heard me" he retorts. "Uhhhm a friend of mine...why where did you hear that name anyway?"

"Saw it on Facebook. Jan sent it to me" he says, mentioning his new girlfriend, who I absolutely cannot stand. "Facebook? Jan??". I'm wondering why the fuck she's in my business anyway. She probably saw some shit pop up on her timeline and sent it straight to my dad. She loves making him hate me more than he already does.

"There was an article. Seen you and him in a picture. He's covered in those tattoos.." he says. At this point i'm getting heated. The one time he actually stops to take any interest in me and it's purely to criticise Gus.

"...And? What are you trying to get at?" I snap. "Just telling ya. You be careful won't ya. Heard his music is about drugs and all tha.." he tries to continue but i've already cut him off because I know exactly where this is going.

"Like you can talk about drugs" I say, angrily. "Why the fuck you comin' at me for now? I'm looking out for you, i'm-"

"Looking out for me? You haven't done that in over ten years dad. You let me down over and over and suddenly now you think you have the right to tell me this shit? As if you're some kind of parent? You're nothing but a..."

"A what?? GO ON!" he's yelling now. My heart drops into my stomach. He barely ever raises his voice. He's different to how he used to be when I was a kid but i'll never get used to hearing him scream like that at me.

"A fucking deadbeat". The room is suddenly silent. He stares at me with hatred in his eyes. The smoke from his cigarette circles the room.

"Get the FUCK outta here and don't you come back here ever again. I never wanna see you're face again. You look exactly like your fuckin' mother"

With that, I grab my shit and slam the front door. I never want to see you again either asshole. I can't believe I kept the peace for so long just for it to end like that. I feel weirdly empty. Like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders but deep down I was so hurt. So heartbroken. Memories of the dad I knew and loved when I was only a kid flood back. The man he used to be. Fuck this.

I take 2 valium to numb the pain. Then I head back to Peep's.